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There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor.


H. L. Mencken

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VICTOR BORGE It was horrifying. You wouldn't believe how people are treated there. You could see that these p...
KATE MILLETT Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic i...
VICTOR BORGE Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic i...
VICTOR BORGE Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. -H. L. Mencken.
H. L. MENCKEN The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess s...
RAY ROMANO As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft. -H. L. Mencken.
H. L. MENCKEN The key to the evening is to see the humor in it. There are so many people trying to go so many diff...
BOBBY O'TOOLE I like men in suits. Men in suits I think are so sexy. But I love men in suits who own their own bus...
NADINE VELAZQUEZ Religion is more than life. Remember that his own religion is the truest to every man even if it sta...
MAHATMA GANDHI There are two insults no human being will endure: that he has no sense of humor, and that he has nev...
SINCLAIR LEWIS There are two insults no human being will endure: that he has no sense of humor, and that he has nev...
SINCLAIR LEWIS The man with the real sense of humor is the man who can put himself in the spectator's place and lau...
BERT WILLIAMS A bookstore is one of the many pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
JERRY SEINFELD Human nature is so constituted, that all see and judge better in the affairs of other men than in th...
TERENCE For every person who has ever lived there has come, at last, a spring he will never see. Glory then ...
PAM BROWN There are three houses that the ultimate adult must leave: their parents' house, their employer's ho...
AGONA APELL As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft. thanks to Alan Bennett -H. L. Mencken.
H. L. MENCKEN People who pretend to be your friend lead you up a garden path by saying everything that you want to...
GARY F EVANS... A man who discovers his pants are on fire tends to have very little time to worry about somebody els...
JEFF LINDSAY The man with the real sense of humor is the man who can put himself in the spectator's place and...
BERT WILLIAMS We never needed for anything, ... My father was a simple man. That's the way he was, and that's the ...
HAL LEBOVITZ There is truth in humor, but not humor in truth.
UNKNOWN There are two insults no human will endure. The assertion that he has no sense of humor and the doub...
SINCLAIR LEWIS The theory is it's more of a 'me' generation, while the World War II generation didn't have the 'wha...
CYNTHIA BENSON Men are so isolated, prisoners of their own wretched selves, that they can be unbelievably sociable.
JACQUES YONNET A man is never so ridiculous by those Qualities that are his own as by those that he affects to have
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN Wagner is contrapuntal in a philosophical way as well as a musical way. What I mean by that is that ...
DANIEL BARENBOIM A man who calls his kinsmen to a feast does not do so to save them from starving. They all have food...
CHINUA ACHEBE 'Trek' is probably more cerebral and philosophical. 'Stargate' does seat-of-the-pant...
ROBERT PICARDO There is this benefit in brag, that the speaker is unconsciously expressing his own ideal. Humor him...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON Here is one fact 1 minute to finish the class, 1 day to die, one day behind that fact, one day in th...
DEYTH BANGER Kindness is really important to me in finding my own prince - so are patience and a sense of humor. ...
ANNE HATHAWAY There is but one truly philosophical problem, and that is suicide.
ALBERT CAMUS There the wild animals wandered and fed as though they were in a pasture that stretched much farther...
LAURA INGALLS WILDER Marines care for their own. And that is in life and in death. And so they see their duty not complet...
GORDON RITCHIE The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
NANCY CARTWRIGHT There is also this benefit in brag, that the speaker is unconsciously expressing his own ideal. Humo...
MIGUEL DE CERVANTES There is also this benefit in brag, that the speaker is unconsciously expressing his own ideal. Humo...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON There is also this benefit in brag, that the speaker is unconsciously expressing his own ideal. Humo...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON There are so many things to talk about between black people, Hispanic people, white people, gay peop...
MARLON WAYANS My point is that one person is responsible, Always. If H-bombs exist--and they do--some man controls...
ROBERT A. HEINLEIN There's public humor, and there's private humor, and they're all appropriate in their ow...
ROBERT MANKOFF God had a sense of humor, a style of his own.
JACK MURPHY There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide.
ALBERT CAMUS If our eyes could see everything, every man would see his own faults.
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO Humor has always been important to me. If there is a shield of faith that you can keep up against di...
LAUREL LEE Every pope has had his own chef, so there are volumes of recipes in the Vatican's records.
PAT SCHAUMANN The angels are so enamoured of the language that is spoken in heaven, that they will not distort the...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON I know now that most people are so closely concerned with themselves that they are not aware of thei...
GEORGIA O'KEEFFE I know now that most people are so closely concerned with themselves that they are not aware of thei...
GEORGIA O'KEEFFE He had problems remembering names. There was a lot of humor about that at his funeral.
HORACE WILLIAMS For there was never yet a philosopher - that could endure the toothache patiently
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE He could find humor in anything. He taught me that the Craft can be light hearted as well and that i...
GALATEA But they see themselves as women who are interested in men. They are not men interested in other men...
DALE NEAMAN If you see a man who is so obviously impressed with his own appearance, then you wonder what his pri...
EDWARD N. NEY Optimistic, expects the best possible outcome from any given situation. Optimists see failures as ex...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA In the real world, in the grand scheme of life, this year is going to count for exactly nothing. The...
JEN KLEIN I believe that there is a Matrix and... to be more accurate I am in the Pornography Matrix.
DEYTH BANGER In sitcoms, the women are so beautiful, understanding and well-bred. They have humor, but sort of di...
BEA ARTHUR There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
CHARLES DICKENS There is no man, however wise, who has not at some period of his youth said things, or lived in a wa...
MARCEL PROUST There is no man, however wise, who has not at some period of his youth said things, or lived in a w...
MARCEL PROUST See the man wise in his own conceit? There is more hope for a fool than for him. Proverbs 26:7
BIBLE For there was never yet philosopher that could endure the toothache patiently.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE For there was never yet philosopher That could endure the toothache patiently
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I always see that there's a - from a philosophical point of view - there's the appearance of...
LARRY BISHOP The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.
MARK TWAIN We are so bound together that no man can labor for himself alone. Each blow he strikes in his own be...
JEROME K. JEROME A fool can no more see his own folly than he can see his ears.
WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY A fool can no more see his own folly than he can see his ears
WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY There are many men who are forgotten, who are despised, and who are trampled on by their fellows, bu...
CHARLES SPURGEON A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.
JEAN PAUL RICHTER A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's
JEAN PAUL RICHTER Man's mind is like a store of idolatry and superstition; so much so that if a man believes his o...
JOHN CALVIN They don't own the containers; they don't own anything except the right to handle them. So the conta...
CONRAD RAABE A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another s.
JEAN PAUL RICHTER There's something about Southern women that is so unique yet so universal. Strong southern women...
CONNIE BRITTON He was simply a man ahead of his time. He was the second of two men I knew who never had any prejudi...
BUCK O'NEIL They're fun. You see his great gift for humor and melody even at that age.
LEON HYMAN Any man could, if he were so inclined, be the sculptor of his own brain.
SANTIAGO RAMóN Y CAJAL Anyone with a sense of humor can see that life is a joke, not a tragedy.
GEORGE SHEEHAN I wanted him to be a toy man that I could bring upstairs with me, then store on a high shelf in the ...
ELIZABETH BERG I don't think that there's necessarily a side to drama that has to be completely bleak. You ...
AMY SEIMETZ The idea is to believe me... but as far as I see the world... to believe is a sin... to trust me one...
DEYTH BANGER He has got two years remaining on his Celtic contract, so why wouldn't he see that through? He is en...
JONATHAN BARNETT Nothing in man is more serious than his sense of humor; it is the sign that he wants all the truth.
MARK VAN DOREN There never yet has been a country which became powerful without knowledge. A man by his own strengt...
ZHANG ZHIDONG Man's mind is like a store of idolatry and superstition; so much so that if a man believes his own m...
JOHN CALVIN Even the models we see in magazines wish they could look like their own images.
CHERI K. ERDMAN So they shall make their own tongue to fall upon themselves: all that see them shall flee away.
BIBLE There were a couple of plays he made on his own. It's impressive to see.
JASON WITTEN There are many forms of tyrants, but there are none so terrible as those stifling their own people i...
E.A. BUCCHIANERI They lived freely among the students, they argued with the men over philosophical, sociological and ...
D.H. LAWRENCE There is often more spiritual force in a proverb than in whole philosophical systems.
THOMAS CARLYLE Men are happy to be laughed at for their humor, but not for their folly.
JONATHAN SWIFT The mind becomes much more beautiful,
when man could see his own weaknesses.
TOBA BETA There were three men that lived in that house. So Jesse confesses, takes all the weight.
BARBARA LEPENDORF Both [P. T.] Barnum and H. L. Mencken are said to have made the depressing observation that no one e...
CARL SAGAN There was one field in which man was unsurpassed; he showed unlimited ingenuity in devising bigger a...
ROBERT A. HEINLEIN

More H. L. Mencken

Honor is simply the morality of superior men.
H. L. MENCKEN A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
H. L. MENCKEN There is always an easy solution to every problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.
H. L. MENCKEN Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse.
H. L. MENCKEN For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
H. L. MENCKEN The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.
H. L. MENCKEN A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.
H. L. MENCKEN A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
H. L. MENCKEN Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin sl...
H. L. MENCKEN Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
H. L. MENCKEN On one issue, at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.
H. L. MENCKEN The most valuable of all human possessions, next to a superior and disdainful air, is the reputation...
H. L. MENCKEN Nothing is so abject and pathetic as a politician who has lost his job, save only a retired stud-hor...
H. L. MENCKEN A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
H. L. MENCKEN One horse-laugh is worth ten thousand syllogisms. It is not only more effective; it is also vastly ...
H. L. MENCKEN I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to ...
H. L. MENCKEN Time stays, we go.
H. L. MENCKEN A nun, at best, is only half a woman, just as a priest is only half a man.
H. L. MENCKEN The truth is, as every one knows, that the great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom...
H. L. MENCKEN Archbishop -- A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
H. L. MENCKEN A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who wi...
H. L. MENCKEN All the political seers and sorcerers seem to be agreed that the coming Presidential campaign will b...
H. L. MENCKEN The time must come inevitably when mankind shall surmount the imbecility of religion, as it has surm...
H. L. MENCKEN The chief knowledge that a man gets from reading books is the knowledge that very few of them are wo...
H. L. MENCKEN There are two kinds of books. Those that no one reads and those that no one ought to read.
H. L. MENCKEN There are people who read too much: bibliobibuli. I know some who are constantly drunk on books, as ...
H. L. MENCKEN War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adr...
H. L. MENCKEN Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had an...
H. L. MENCKEN Love is the delusion that one man or woman differs from another.
H. L. MENCKEN To be in love is merely to be in a perpetual state of anesthesia.
H. L. MENCKEN I write in order to attain that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys...
H. L. MENCKEN I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.
H. L. MENCKEN If I ever marry it will be on a sudden impulse, as a man shoots himself.
H. L. MENCKEN Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's ...
H. L. MENCKEN The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed [and hence clamorous to be led t...
H. L. MENCKEN We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense that we respect his theory that ...
H. L. MENCKEN It is a sin to believe in the evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.
H. L. MENCKEN Under democracy, one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party...
H. L. MENCKEN We must be willing to pay a price for freedom.
H. L. MENCKEN No man could bring himself to reveal his true character, and, above all, his true limitations as a c...
H. L. MENCKEN School-days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence. They are full of du...
H. L. MENCKEN Let's not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse.
H. L. MENCKEN The aim of public education is not to spread enlightenment at all: it is simply to reduce as many in...
H. L. MENCKEN The curse of man, and the cause of nearly all his woe, is his stupendous capacity for believing the ...
H. L. MENCKEN It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.
H. L. MENCKEN Fame: an embalmer trembling with stage fright.
H. L. MENCKEN So few men are really worth knowing, that it seems a shameful waste to let an anthropoid prejudice s...
H. L. MENCKEN One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will...
H. L. MENCKEN The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false face for the urge to rule it.
H. L. MENCKEN Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her hea...
H. L. MENCKEN A man's women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regar...
H. L. MENCKEN Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later, for another thing, th...
H. L. MENCKEN Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago.
H. L. MENCKEN Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.
H. L. MENCKEN Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.
H. L. MENCKEN It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards ce...
H. L. MENCKEN To the best of my knowledge and belief, the average American newspaper, even of the so-called better...
H. L. MENCKEN The opera is to music what a bawdy house is to a cathedral.
H. L. MENCKEN Time is the great equalizer in the field of morals.
H. L. MENCKEN The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act...
H. L. MENCKEN Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99% of them are ...
H. L. MENCKEN Moral certainty is always a sign of cultural inferiority. The more uncivilized the man, the surer he...
H. L. MENCKEN The average man does not get pleasure out of an idea because he thinks it is true; he thinks it is t...
H. L. MENCKEN Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in l...
H. L. MENCKEN A metaphysician is one who, when you remark that twice two makes four, demands to know what you mean...
H. L. MENCKEN Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usuall...
H. L. MENCKEN There is no record in history of a happy philosopher.
H. L. MENCKEN An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it is a...
H. L. MENCKEN Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid f...
H. L. MENCKEN A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendura...
H. L. MENCKEN Don't overestimate the decency of the human race.
H. L. MENCKEN Man is never honestly the fatalist, nor even the stoic. He fights his fate, often desperately. He is...
H. L. MENCKEN I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upo...
H. L. MENCKEN There is nothing worse than an idle hour, with no occupation offering. People who have many such hou...
H. L. MENCKEN Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that th...
H. L. MENCKEN One horse-laugh is worth ten thousand syllogisms. It is not only more effective; it is also vastly m...
H. L. MENCKEN A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank.
H. L. MENCKEN On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.
H. L. MENCKEN The world always makes the assumption that the exposure of an error is identical with the discovery ...
H. L. MENCKEN Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies.
H. L. MENCKEN What men value in this world is not rights but privileges.
H. L. MENCKEN The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor.
H. L. MENCKEN Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
H. L. MENCKEN Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.
H. L. MENCKEN Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.
H. L. MENCKEN If I had my way, no man guilty of golf would be eligible to any office of trust under the United Sta...
H. L. MENCKEN It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite eas...
H. L. MENCKEN Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
H. L. MENCKEN The cure for the evils of democracy is more democracy.
H. L. MENCKEN Democracy is the theory that the common people know what They want, and deserve to get it good and h...
H. L. MENCKEN Democracy is also a form of religion. It is the worship of jackals by jackasses.
H. L. MENCKEN The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest...
H. L. MENCKEN The truth that survives is simply the lie that is pleasantest to believe.
H. L. MENCKEN Lying is not only excusable; it is not only innocent; it is, above all, necessary and unavoidable. W...
H. L. MENCKEN It is impossible to think of a man of any actual force and originality, universally recognized as ha...
H. L. MENCKEN Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
H. L. MENCKEN A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.
H. L. MENCKEN Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
H. L. MENCKEN As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft.
H. L. MENCKEN Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and mis...
H. L. MENCKEN Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly.
H. L. MENCKEN The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not s...
H. L. MENCKEN Historian -- an unsuccessful novelist.
H. L. MENCKEN Jealousy is the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.
H. L. MENCKEN The evidence of the emotions, save in cases where it has strong objective support, is really no evid...
H. L. MENCKEN Government is actually the worst failure of civilized man. There has never been a really good one, a...
H. L. MENCKEN The legislature, like the executive, has ceased to be even the creature of the people: it is the cre...
H. L. MENCKEN The objection of the scandalmonger is not that she tells of racy doings, but that she pretends to be...
H. L. MENCKEN God is the immemorial refuge of the incompetent, the helpless, the miserable. They find not only san...
H. L. MENCKEN The movies today are too rich to have any room for genuine artists. They produce a few passable craf...
H. L. MENCKEN Injustice is relatively easy to bear what stings is justice.
H. L. MENCKEN The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the ...
H. L. MENCKEN JUDGE, n: A law student who marks his own papers.
H. L. MENCKEN Most people want security in this world, not liberty.
H. L. MENCKEN The fact that I have no remedy for all the sorrows of the world is no reason for my accepting yours....
H. L. MENCKEN Thanksgiving Day is a day devoted by persons with inflammatory rheumatism to thanking a loving Fathe...
H. L. MENCKEN Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse.
H. L. MENCKEN The lunatic fringe wags the underdog.
H. L. MENCKEN Hygiene is the corruption of medicine by morality. It is impossible to find a hygienist who does not...
H. L. MENCKEN Opera in English, is about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
H. L. MENCKEN The Belief that man is outfitted with an immortal soul, differing altogether from the engines which ...
H. L. MENCKEN Alimony -- the ransom that the happy pay to the devil.
H. L. MENCKEN A gentlemen is one who never strikes a woman without provocation.
H. L. MENCKEN No one hates his job so heartily as a farmer.
H. L. MENCKEN The public, with its mob yearning to be instructed, edified and pulled by the nose, demands certaint...
H. L. MENCKEN It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.
H. L. MENCKEN When women kiss it always reminds one of prize-fighters shaking hands.
H. L. MENCKEN A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
H. L. MENCKEN The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
H. L. MENCKEN The only cure for contempt is counter-contempt.
H. L. MENCKEN Imagine the Creator as a stand up comedian - and at once the world becomes explicable.
H. L. MENCKEN It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though sh...
H. L. MENCKEN After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
H. L. MENCKEN Unionism, seldom if ever, uses such powers as it has to ensure better work; almost always it devotes...
H. L. MENCKEN I never agree with Communists or any other kind of kept men.
H. L. MENCKEN The idea that leisure is of value in itself is only conditionally true. The average man simply spend...
H. L. MENCKEN Remorse is regret that one waited so long to do it.
H. L. MENCKEN Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.
H. L. MENCKEN Life is a dead-end street.
H. L. MENCKEN It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though sh...
H. L. MENCKEN It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound c...
H. L. MENCKEN The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act...
H. L. MENCKEN No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
H. L. MENCKEN The truth is that the average schoolmaster, on all the lower levels, is and always must be essential...
H. L. MENCKEN The more a man dreams, the less he believes.
H. L. MENCKEN On one issue at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
H. L. MENCKEN Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays twice as much in taxes as he former...
H. L. MENCKEN The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the...
H. L. MENCKEN Before a man speaks, it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks it is seldom nec...
H. L. MENCKEN How little it takes to make life unbearable: a pebble in the shoe, a cockroach in the spaghetti, a w...
H. L. MENCKEN The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated.
H. L. MENCKEN Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.
H. L. MENCKEN The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundre...
H. L. MENCKEN Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.
H. L. MENCKEN The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other a...
H. L. MENCKEN Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
H. L. MENCKEN To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for idea...
H. L. MENCKEN The government consists of a gang of men exactly like you and me. They have, taking one with another...
H. L. MENCKEN I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time.
H. L. MENCKEN It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.
H. L. MENCKEN Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil.
H. L. MENCKEN On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at la...
H. L. MENCKEN Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
H. L. MENCKEN In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one.
H. L. MENCKEN The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief ...
H. L. MENCKEN It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common hones...
H. L. MENCKEN Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
H. L. MENCKEN In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice t...
H. L. MENCKEN The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led t...
H. L. MENCKEN It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sou...
H. L. MENCKEN Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
H. L. MENCKEN An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will a...
H. L. MENCKEN Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of...
H. L. MENCKEN Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what...
H. L. MENCKEN Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven...
H. L. MENCKEN Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
H. L. MENCKEN No one in this world, so far as I know - and I have searched the records for years, and employed age...
H. L. MENCKEN The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear - fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexpl...
H. L. MENCKEN No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice...
H. L. MENCKEN I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of peop...
H. L. MENCKEN The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regar...
H. L. MENCKEN Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
H. L. MENCKEN I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.
H. L. MENCKEN If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries fo...
H. L. MENCKEN It is not materialism that is the chief curse of the world, as pastors teach, but idealism. Men get ...
H. L. MENCKEN Poetry has done enough when it charms, but prose must also convince.
H. L. MENCKEN Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom nec...
H. L. MENCKEN For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our f...
H. L. MENCKEN Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
H. L. MENCKEN Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
H. L. MENCKEN Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he fo...
H. L. MENCKEN Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
H. L. MENCKEN Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
H. L. MENCKEN It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man.
H. L. MENCKEN Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
H. L. MENCKEN Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
H. L. MENCKEN Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time ma...
H. L. MENCKEN Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and mis...
H. L. MENCKEN A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and ...
H. L. MENCKEN There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are goo...
H. L. MENCKEN