The problem with being best man at a wedding is that you never get a chance to prove it.

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl could want in her life, except for good taste in men!

The Irish are often nervous about having the appropriate face for the occasion. They have to be happy at weddings, which is a strain, so they get depressed; they have to be sad at funerals, which is easy, so they get happy.

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.

I'd like to dispel the myth that when you put a wedding ring on a woman, her brain stops.