The only time some fellows are ever seen with their wives is after they've been indicted.

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has travelled is the worst.

Never get married while you're going to college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done.

A woman will buy anything she thinks the store is losing money on.