One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has travelled is the worst.

Never get married while you're going to college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done.

A woman will buy anything she thinks the store is losing money on.

The only time some fellows are ever seen with their wives is after they've been indicted.