The moms had the best relays going by far. They won several medals in my book.


Jeff Shroll

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If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a red...
JEFF FOXWORTHY
I think all the garbage in the world is thanks to a very small handful of idiots.
JEFF DUNHAM
I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be...
JEFF KINNEY
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls an...
JEFF FOXWORTHY
Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
JEFF FOXWORTHY
There'll always be serendipity involved in discovery.
JEFF BEZOS
Your reaction when you lose control in a situation is to try and hang on tighter.
JEFF NICHOLS
Safety is something that happens between your ears, not something you hold in your hands.
JEFF COOPER
Imagine if Congress always put the interests of polluters ahead of the health of our families. Our r...
JEFF MERKLEY
My mother and my father have always supported me. Now in their eighties, they actually clamor onto t...
JEFF DUNHAM
A single moment spent in a business meeting or at a pub is more than enough to reveal the basic huma...
JEFF LINDSAY
Since I am not actually a real human being, my emotional responses are generally limited to what I h...
JEFF LINDSAY
Their conversation ceased abruptly with the entry of an oddly-shaped man whose body resembled a cert...
JEFF PHILLIPS
I used to be on the Lincoln City Council. You learn that there's never enough money for all of t...
JEFF FORTENBERRY
By now, we all know that Hollywood producers always chase after the same properties, that the sharks...
JEFF GILES
Is that why you're crying?"
(...) "It's just hormones," she said. "I didn't want anyone to see....
JEFF LINDSAY
¿Acaso no estábamos todos locos cuando dormíamos? ¿Qué era el sueño, al fin y al cabo, sino el...
JEFF LINDSAY
Pero, por triste que sea, la vida no siempre imita al arte. -Dexter
JEFF LINDSAY
That left either magical powers or coincidence, and although I have nothing at all against Harry Pot...
JEFF LINDSAY
Cualquiera puede ser encantador si no le importa mentir y decir todas las cosas estúpidas, obvias y...
JEFF LINDSAY
She stared at me "You have a message," she said. "On you machine."
I looked over at my answerin...
JEFF LINDSAY
I let it ring. I wanted to breathe for a few minutes, and I could think of nothing that couldn't wai...
JEFF LINDSAY
Rectory always sounded to me like a place you would find a proctologist.
JEFF LINDSAY
After a long moment I closed the freezer door. I wanted to lie down and press my cheek against the c...
JEFF LINDSAY
But as I have noticed on more than one occaision, life itself is unfair, and there is no complaint d...
JEFF LINDSAY
It took me a moment. I blinked, and suddenly it swam into focus and I had to frown very hard to keep...
JEFF LINDSAY
It’s an odd term, 'girlfriend,' particularly for grown persons. And in practice it provides an eve...
JEFF LINDSAY
Still, it's always nice to be around somebody who thinks I am wonderful. It confirms my low opinion ...
JEFF LINDSAY
the faster it ran away from me. And I found myself reasoning that perhaps one more beer would unlock...
JEFF LINDSAY
…a cheerful black shadow reared up behind him as he spoke, thundering a happy challenge to my Dark...
JEFF LINDSAY
When faced with people who have very limited conversational skills and no apparent desire to cultiva...
JEFF LINDSAY
What a terrible thing life can be.
JEFF LINDSAY
It really is better to be lucky than to be good.
JEFF LINDSAY
It's always me, isn't it? I'm not really a very nice person, but for some reason it's always me that...
JEFF LINDSAY
What do you want a clock for?” “To find out what time it is,” I said. “I think that’s the ...
JEFF LINDSAY