The implication here is that those who came to America legally over the years are somehow second-class citizens.


Mitch McConnell

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Mitch McConnell. Wasn't he the bandleader on Johnny Carson?
MITCH MCCONNELL
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean ...
STEPHEN COLBERT
I'm for anything that lets people come here to work legally. There are more protections for workers ...
LARRY CRAIG
I'm for anything that lets people come here to work legally. There are more protections for work...
LARRY CRAIG
When either party wants to get its message to the people, they call on CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC -- those a...
BILL HERSHEY
to the victor go the spoils
THE AMERICA
Collectors will threaten to have them deported. Even if they say they are here legally or are citize...
LINDA HILTON
The constitution does not provide for first and second class citizens.
WENDELL WILLKIE
The constitution does not provide for first and second class citizens.
WENDELL L. WILLKIE
It's abusive. With all the money we send back to Peru, we are still treated like second-class citize...
DANIEL JARA
Although the FBI is legally forbidden from monitoring the communications of citizens who are not tar...
JEFFREY ROSEN
We need to have a seat at the table because we are a major player. Somehow, over the next several we...
FRANK SIFFRINN
We do not view this in any way as treating them as second-class citizens. We don't view our band as ...
JEAN WALKER
I have the utmost respect for those who have come to this country legally and have contributed to th...
BOB NEY
America is made up of people who came from someplace else. Even the Native Americans came over the B...
ISABEL WILKERSON
There are two worldviews that are in conflict. I do feel that even though Christians are 86 percent ...
RICHARD THOMPSON
Mitch Daniels in Indiana was the best governor in America for eight years. I've gone to Indianap...
BRUCE RAUNER
Courage is of no value unless accompanied by justice; yet if all men became just, there would be no ...
AGESILAUS THE SECOND
We wanted to make a difference. We wanted to let the country know we weren't second-class citizens.
CLARENCE GRAHAM
During the Obama years, the Republicans have done an unprecedented amount of stonewalling on cabinet...
GAIL COLLINS
There are 350,000 illegal aliens in the state of Georgia, ... Every dollar we spend on services for ...
ERIC JOHNSON
This is not about a personal choice, but an essential need that must be accommodated if we are to be...
MASSOUD SHADJAREH
My dad remembers being in school with my uncle, and the teacher would say outright to the class that...
MIKE SHINODA
Some of my ancestors were religious dissenters who came to America over three hundred years ago. Oth...
PETE SEEGER
It creates two classes of citizens: one who lives outside growth areas and those who live in a growt...
BILL ADLER
It is the police of America who are on the front lines, who are on the streets, who are in the daily...
JANET RENO
It treats state-approved training programs such as ours as second-class citizens,
GEORGE HAWKINS
There's a growing need for those who are not yet legally blind but are having difficulty with every ...
CAROLYN MESSIER
What's missing here are wealthy taxpayers like myself. The people who come here to work are the brav...
ART PATTERSON
I hope the American citizens will come to recognize that they are not the only ones who need you sti...
CARLOS MENEM
The 1986 act didn't turn illegal immigrants into citizens on the spot. It granted temporary resi...
EDWIN MEESE
Food Allergies Are Not Due to Food, Rather Are Due to the Constant Contamination of That Food That Y...
THEHEALTHFOODGURU
We're all a paycheck away from disaster, and I feel for those Katrina people. But the homeless peopl...
ANDREW DAVIS
The man has a lesbian daughter, yet he wants to make gays and lesbians second-class citizens in the ...
JOHN ARAVOSIS
Those of us who believe in God and those of us who have dedicated our lives to helping others in the...
DICK DURBIN
Dying," Morrie suddenly said, "is the only one thing to be sad over, Mitch.
Living unhappily i...
MITCH ALBOM
It's bittersweet because we're being treated as second-class citizens. It's not full marriage equali...
RANDY SHARP
The chance to do it over again is called now.
J.R. RIM
There are some patriotic citizens who sincerely hope that America will win the war - but they also h...
ELMER DAVIS
A lot of Latinos are first-generation new citizens, or second-generation children of immigrants, who...
HARRY PACHON
People are familiar with 'the stick' of the Tea Party... challenging incumbents, flooding th...
NIGER INNIS
Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night...
THE WONDER YEARS
I remember a place... a town... a house like a lot of houses... a yard like a lot of other yards... ...
THE WONDER YEARS
I never knew it would be this hard to lose something I never had.
THE WONDER YEARS
Once upon a time there was a girl I knew, who lived across the street. Brown hair, brown eyes. When ...
THE WONDER YEARS
Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go.
THE WONDER YEARS
I guess sometimes the ground can shift between your feet. Sometimes your footing slips. You stumble....
THE WONDER YEARS
All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners...
THE WONDER YEARS
Over the course of the average lifetime you meet a lot of people. Some of them stick with you throug...
THE WONDER YEARS
Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you're in diapers; the next day you're gone. But the memo...
THE WONDER YEARS
Now the Jets feel as if they are second-class citizens in this stadium deal. They want to be true pa...
GEORGE ZOFFINGER
My family are police officers, detectives. My brother Mitch is FBI. Mitch is like that - a stern enf...
BERNIE MAC
I was just thinking back over the years and when I first came here. My first match as a freshman, al...
ALEXIS GORDON
If the rights of civil partners are met differently in law to those of married couples, there is no ...
JOHN SENTAMU
I fully recognize we need to improve the path to citizenship, just as we need to value the hard work...
BILL FLORES
The only change is that baseball has turned Paige from a second class citizen to a second class immo...
SATCHEL PAIGE
Legally speaking, the case is over with.
PATRICIA ANDERSON
What we know today is that children all over America have the right to learn-whether their ancestors...
MARK PRYOR
The loss of Mitch Glicken is going to be felt for many, many years to come.
GEORGE BREED
The class of those who have the ability to think their own thoughts is separated by an unbridgeable ...
LUDWIG VON MISES
What I said was that in a democratic society, people must be permitted to make their choices and tha...
DENNIS KUCINICH
We have never yet had a labor Government that knew what taking power really means; they always act l...
DORA RUSSELL
I believed that, in a situation where the community that I came from were being treated like second-...
MARTIN MCGUINNESS
When my father died, those years when he was working on the Hubble came back to me, and it seemed fi...
TRACY K. SMITH
Somehow life doesn't always pay off to those who are most insistent.
MAX LERNER
I consider those actors who amaze me are somehow less attractive to me than those actors who move me...
ROBERT LANSING
This is the snobbery of the people on the Mayflower looking down their noses at the people who came ...
MITCHELL KAPOR
Over the next few years the boardrooms of America are going to light up with hot flashes.
GAIL SHEEHY
Here is what the practical impact of Citizens United means. What Citizens United means is that corpo...
BERNIE SANDERS
There are two things here, both are a hang-over from America.
JERRY EVANS
We came pretty close. We're happy with this class. I don't think there are any position coaches here...
GREG GATTUSO
I am very proud I was part of the IRA in Derry and involved in repelling the designs of the British ...
MARTIN MCGUINNESS
I ran for ninth grade class president. Came in a close second.
KRISTIN LEHMAN
We came in here unarmed. We've been in these situations before. I draw your attention back to those ...
DAVID WIMHURST
It's still in their heads. If we can just get over the hump and beat one of those teams who have bea...
KATHY GRANING
In my seven years here, he's the best young Latin American hitter as a free-agent amateur who came h...
BILL BRYK
It is not new or unusual for the real Americans, meaning those immigrants who came to America a litt...
LUIS GUTIERREZ
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won...
UNKNOWN
The bus was crowded, standing room only, and he clung apelike from a bar that hung down from the cei...
JOSEPH G. PETERSON
This country really is very culturally diverse. Some may say 'diverse' has become a hackneyed word b...
ALVIN ROSENFELD
No one remembers who came in second.
WALTER HAGEN
Those who believe that pressure for deeper integration in Europe has somehow gone away are wrong,
DAVID CAMERON
Those who believe that pressure for deeper integration in Europe has somehow gone away are wrong.
DAVID CAMERON
If the implication was this was somehow a politically motivated deal because there was a campaign, i...
JEB BUSH
Jazz came to America three hundred years ago in chains.
PAUL WHITEMAN
Somehow life doesn't always pay off to those who are most insistent.
MAX LERNER
Those who take Risks overcome their Fears and Tears over the Years.
RVM
We are the country that has attracted the biggest volume of foreign investment in southeastern Europ...
TRAIAN BASESCU
Theodore showed that he still has the qualities that made him the class player he has been over the ...
HERON GREY
They were pretty open with me. These folks came in sure that because they are poor and black, they w...
DAVID MOORE
They were pretty open with me. These folks came in sure that because they are poor and black, they w...
DAVID MOORE
To suggest that these African-American leaders would somehow shortchange their own citizens is absol...
JOHN BREAUX
It is not natural or inevitable that half the world goes hungry; that the freedom of markets trumps ...
FRANCES O'GRADY
If a jury have not the right to judge between the government and those who disobey its laws, and res...
LYSANDER SPOONER
But in view of the constitution, in the eye of the law, there is in this country no superior, domina...
JOHN MARSHALL HARLAN
The only way to be here legally is on one of these guided hikes,
GORDON RICHARDS
A lot of things do stay the same over the years. But there are also a lot of things that are differe...
JANICE KRUGER
Ryan came up big in the second half. He took over when we needed him to step up, like a senior who's...
ERIC SWANSON
Those of us who have covered wars here and there over the past 15, 20, 25 years have to struggle to ...
JOHN BURNS
I want to stop the front lines from being over here. I would rather keep the terrorists over there i...
CHAD TOPP

More Mitch McConnell

I think we need to respect the wishes of voters. They have been busily at work making these decision...
MITCH MCCONNELL
We did the two-year extension of Bush tax cuts in 2010. We negotiated the Budget Control Act in Augu...
MITCH MCCONNELL
The border is way more porous than it should be, and I think we'd be open to discussing anything...
MITCH MCCONNELL
We're living under the Obama economy. Any CEO in America with a record like this after three yea...
MITCH MCCONNELL
Today, Democrats not only have the White House; they have the Senate too. So we have to be realistic...
MITCH MCCONNELL
It just doesn't occur to an American that someone else will solve their problems. Americans take...
MITCH MCCONNELL
Things happen in American politics in the political center. If the President will meet us in the cen...
MITCH MCCONNELL
I always think a debt ceiling is a good tool to carry something.
MITCH MCCONNELL
And this year, when we end the cruel, defeatist practice of passing children who cannot read into fo...
MITCH MCCONNELL
The Senate is allowed to work the way it was designed to - meaning a place where nothing is decided ...
MITCH MCCONNELL
After adding trillions to the debt on big-government policies most Americans didn't ask for and ...
MITCH MCCONNELL
In the last 100 years, three presidents suffered big defeats in Congress in their first term and the...
MITCH MCCONNELL
Almost without exception, President Obama begins serious policy discussions by explaining why everyo...
MITCH MCCONNELL
President Obama had two Supreme Court nominees in his first term. There was no filibuster against th...
MITCH MCCONNELL
We hear the stories every day now: the father who puts on a suit every morning and leaves the house ...
MITCH MCCONNELL
A reporter asked recently, 'What keeps you up at night?' I replied that I generally sleep we...
MITCH MCCONNELL
We all got here from somewhere else going back in our lineage. And I think these gratuitous attacks ...
MITCH MCCONNELL
America is about to turn the page on Barack Obama's four-year experiment in big government.
MITCH MCCONNELL
I think that winning the White House is about more than just entertaining a large audience.
MITCH MCCONNELL
What will happen is the bills will start out the way we like them; in order to move them - we'll...
MITCH MCCONNELL
I don't think there should be a litmus test on judges, no matter who the president is.
MITCH MCCONNELL
Nurses told my mother that I was going to be OK. They thought I could walk without a limp and withou...
MITCH MCCONNELL
I think I'd like to be an owner of a Major League Baseball team.
MITCH MCCONNELL
We're not gonna misread our mandate.
MITCH MCCONNELL
I ran for president of the student council at my high school in Louisville. And ran against a guy wh...
MITCH MCCONNELL
Mitch McConnell. Wasn't he the bandleader on Johnny Carson?
MITCH MCCONNELL
are much worse than what Sen. Lott said.
MITCH MCCONNELL
Elections are breaking out in the strangest places: Afghanistan, Iraq, the Palestinian territories, ...
MITCH MCCONNELL
I have been one of the Republicans who has been somewhat skeptical about needing witnesses but I mus...
MITCH MCCONNELL
I hope the president may have concluded that his comments about the legitimacy of the new president ...
MITCH MCCONNELL
[Proponents -- mostly Democrats -- are threatening to tie up the Senate unless Lott schedules procee...
MITCH MCCONNELL
[But what about the continuing great economic news under Clinton? Lott offered kudos:] I agree that ...
MITCH MCCONNELL
Take our word for it. They're disgusting.
MITCH MCCONNELL
We need to say to everyone on Election Day, 'Those of you who helped make this a good day, you n...
MITCH MCCONNELL
While other state governments stiff their vendors, close parks, delay tax refunds, and ignore unacce...
MITCH MCCONNELL
We need to strengthen and save Social Security for today's workers. If we don't act now, thi...
MITCH MCCONNELL
Sen. Lott was elected to a two-year term, and he's said he's not going to resign, and in my view he ...
MITCH MCCONNELL
That's ... a little bit like Bonnie and Clyde declaring the problem could be solved by banking regul...
MITCH MCCONNELL
I must say in response to this there was stunned silence, so this is clearly not administration poli...
MITCH MCCONNELL
I mean, we're going to have to pry his hands off the door and search him to get the key back to the ...
MITCH MCCONNELL
The fact is, if our primary legislative goals are to repeal and replace the health spending bill; to...
MITCH MCCONNELL
Our nation has a regrettable history of drawing down our forces and readiness after each conflict, o...
MITCH MCCONNELL
Syria and Iran have always had a pretty tight relationship, and it looks to me like they just cooked...
MITCH MCCONNELL
By their own admission, leaders of the Republican Revolution of 1994 think their greatest mistake wa...
MITCH MCCONNELL
We need to strengthen and save Social Security for today's workers. If we don't act now, this system...
MITCH MCCONNELL
Diplomacy is important, extremely important, and I don't think these reductions at the State Dep...
MITCH MCCONNELL
NATO is the most important military alliance in world history.
MITCH MCCONNELL
I'm not going to critique every utterance of the president.
MITCH MCCONNELL
More young people believe they'll see a U.F.O. than that they'll see their own Social Security benef...
MITCH MCCONNELL
Americans don't think we should be raising taxes on anybody, especially in the middle of a reces...
MITCH MCCONNELL
Are we still a country that takes risks, that innovates, that believes anything is possible? Or are ...
MITCH MCCONNELL
I thought the Pence selection ought to reassure the right-of-center voters that a Trump administrati...
MITCH MCCONNELL
I want to reassure our NATO allies that if any of them get attacked, we'll be there to defend th...
MITCH MCCONNELL
as was the courtesy during the Clinton years.
MITCH MCCONNELL
Americans are too speedy.
MITCH MCCONNELL
More young people believe they'll see a U.F.O. than that they'll see their own Social Securi...
MITCH MCCONNELL
It is a president's constitutional right to nominate a Supreme Court justice, and it is the Sena...
MITCH MCCONNELL
We all know that Social Security is one of this country's greatest success stories in the 20th c...
MITCH MCCONNELL
Do we need to tighten restrictions on people coming into the country? I think there's a good arg...
MITCH MCCONNELL
We're a country of five-second sound bites and 30-second commercials. Eight years of one person ...
MITCH MCCONNELL
If they'd like to run against President Bush, ... I question whether they are smart enough to take o...
MITCH MCCONNELL
the best plan is changeable
MITCH
That he said he would make her five-month-old baby disappear if she didn't (sell the home to us), wh...
AMY MCCONNELL
She said that the state of Michigan would pay for all of our closing costs and five percent down.
AMY MCCONNELL
She was looking over our information and noticed we paid $700 a month in rent and that we qualified ...
AMY MCCONNELL
We got our hopes, just smashed.
AMY MCCONNELL
It's a momentous day for the sport and Winnipeg as well. It's history in the making and to have it c...
BRIAN MCCONNELL
It?s a little up in the air right now, ... That?s how hockey is though. I can be asked to pack up ag...
BRIAN MCCONNELL
I?m not really that flashy of a player, ... But I push hard and play defense.
BRIAN MCCONNELL
I think our customer base likes to support local products. It is a good product, my family uses it.
BRIAN MCCONNELL
He's one of the most laidback kids I know. I can't even imagine what it's been like for him. He's ob...
BRIAN MCCONNELL
You start making excuses for yourself that you're getting screwed on calls and things like that. It ...
BRIAN MCCONNELL
Belmont's has always been an environmentally-friendly business. This is a chance for a state-wide re...
BRIAN MCCONNELL
Over the life cycle of that airplane, we're absolutely confident we're going to get 50% or more.
CLAY MCCONNELL
Every piece has its own identity which we develop by the rule 'We know no limits.' We follow...
PAGE MCCONNELL
Late in the game, when the game is on the line, she plays with a sense of urgency and has the abilit...
SUZIE MCCONNELL
Frida Kahlo to Marty McConnell

leaving is not enough; you must
stay gone. tra...
MARTY MCCONNELL
My dad also plays a little banjo and guitar, my mom plays the mandolin.
PAGE MCCONNELL
Once you opt in, you don't have a lot of control over where your information goes.
BETH MCCONNELL
We don't think any taxpayer should be in the situation where they could sign away their rights to pr...
BETH MCCONNELL
The government tells us that we must turn over very private, personal financial information to them ...
BETH MCCONNELL
This is the sixth derivative of the 747. It's a plane that can be offered out there at a relatively ...
CLAY MCCONNELL
His name is vaguely familiar. Basically, I agree with everything the New Labour candidate said about...
JACK MCCONNELL
One of the biggest problems I see are dogs who don't have a lot of emotional control and frustration...
PATRICIA MCCONNELL
Domestic dogs follow humans like a laser and watch the behavior of their humans with a focus that is...
PATRICIA MCCONNELL
The Pirates of the Caribbean.
THOMAS MCCONNELL
He was really likable, always smiling, a very outgoing guy.
DICK MCCONNELL
Sir Tom is one of today's greatest Scots.
JACK MCCONNELL
He has just been wonderful to have on board. He just does a fantastic job.
BILL MCCONNELL
This bill will lead to enormous improvements in our air quality. Massachusetts will get cleaner cars...
BROOKE MCCONNELL
This is a marathon, not a sprint.
CLAY MCCONNELL
I like them both. I've never had any bad barbecue. I love barbecue.
BOB MCCONNELL
This issue, combined with the lack of public input and the problems with informing the public clearl...
BOB MCCONNELL
We just needed a certain singing range and a certain vocal style (for the role).
BILL MCCONNELL
They've put scripture from Genesis in each animal on different spots. What they call it is 'God on t...
BILL MCCONNELL
It is a story about faith, about hope and about animals that talk and how they can change a man's li...
BILL MCCONNELL
[The] single most common source of changing requirements [is] requirements that were not significant...
STEVE MCCONNELL
We had to pick our poison: Do we cover the perimeter or inside? They shot the ball extremely well an...
TIM MCCONNELL
We're really thrilled and honored to have them there, and I think it's an example that we're on the ...
CHARLIE MCCONNELL
The fact that the board can't demonstrate how and why these figures changed is disappointing.
BOB MCCONNELL
There was some very generous pricing done on the 777s. The A340 models that we continue to produce a...
CLAY MCCONNELL
He is so outgoing and positive. He's been a very important part of this. His personality is a great ...
CHARLIE MCCONNELL
You can't force something like that. But we have encouraged our audience, because we avoid the c...
PAGE MCCONNELL
We're really glad to see the Russians reach out and work with the international community and get he...
BRUCE MCCONNELL
We don't think we're out of the woods yet. We may get some ... business inconveniences, headaches, h...
BRUCE MCCONNELL
We think this can be a very strong part of the new tourism effort. We have the names of Ralph Stanle...
CHARLIE MCCONNELL
Each of our 900 shows so far was different - maybe that's what makes the fans come back to our g...
PAGE MCCONNELL
That's why it's better to do it on other people's property.
DONALD MCCONNELL
There are parks for little children. Why can't teenagers and young adults have a place to go spray-p...
DONALD MCCONNELL
I'm really sorry. I've already apologized to the business owners and stuff. It was stupid and childi...
DONALD MCCONNELL
We didn't play as good as we could to win. We should have zoned them from the start. We didn't get i...
DICK MCCONNELL
We gave away five points right before the half. We knew we couldn't make mistakes like that.
DICK MCCONNELL
We played really well in overtime.
DICK MCCONNELL
We played McClintock over the summer and they are very quick and athletic. They're not very big, but...
DICK MCCONNELL
We played them really well the second time. The first time we played them, they had a shot to win it...
DICK MCCONNELL
Malcolm was tough at the end, and Adam played well, but we didn't play super. At least we won. I'm h...
DICK MCCONNELL
I thought we played pretty good. Everyone got in and saw some more time on the court.
DICK MCCONNELL
When we lost Adam last year, it really took the wind out of our sails for a while. I don't want to l...
DICK MCCONNELL
Adam gives us a guard who can rebound and is a real tough player. He's a big guard for us and gives ...
DICK MCCONNELL
The old section looks nothing like it used to.
ELAINE MCCONNELL
This is truly a place where there is something for everyone.
ELAINE MCCONNELL
Heuristic is an algorithm in a clown suit. It’s less predictable, it’s more fun, and it comes wi...
STEVE MCCONNELL
You can't say this plane stops at X number of feet. It depends on a lot of factors.
CLAY MCCONNELL
There are three gaming centers in Fort Collins, Greeley had none. I thought Greeley was a good place...
FRANK MCCONNELL
We're open, we're ready for business.
FRANK MCCONNELL
My biggest goal is to have it be safe and fun. I want people to feel like they can hang out.
FRANK MCCONNELL
All the guys are starting to hit their stride and I think that was pretty evident in last week's gam...
GREG MCCONNELL
The USM game was frustrating in that we just couldn't score.
GREG MCCONNELL
We still have two big regular season games this weekend that we cannot look past before we go into t...
GREG MCCONNELL
It's very clear, under anyone's scenario, that it's a massive, extensive undertaking regardless of w...
JACK MCCONNELL
The dairy farmers deserve better from the supermarkets.
JACK MCCONNELL
If you help make a mess, you have to help clean it up.
JACK MCCONNELL
It was very exciting when we went into the theater world to hear such good things about our Amanda.
JACK MCCONNELL
It is appropriate that, rather than getting involved in silly Nationalist arguments, we are effectiv...
JACK MCCONNELL
For these two individuals, one of whom knows how to make Governments change but the other knows how ...
JACK MCCONNELL
Do you know how to change the cylinder head gasket on a Mk II Ford Cortina?
JACK MCCONNELL
I don't trust him. He has wandering eyes!
JACK MCCONNELL
leaving is not enough; you must
stay gone. train your heart
like a dog. change the locks<...
MARTY MCCONNELL
Mirror, mirror on the wall," She caught Beu's gaze in the reflection. "Who's the handsomest man of a...
LUCY MCCONNELL
It's hard training with two events in mind. I'll be glad to make the decision. It was still a bit ra...
LEE MCCONNELL
I knew I could build on Sunday's race,
LEE MCCONNELL
People are taking this storm quite seriously.
LEE MCCONNELL
We're very pleased with our performance, but the Poles have protested,
LEE MCCONNELL
But the heat was loaded - the Olympic champion, world champion and European champion were all in it....
LEE MCCONNELL
You keep reminding yourself how lucky you are to have this facility.
KATHLEEN MCCONNELL
This is always a joy. It's a hard time of year, but it's always our favorite time of year.
KATHLEEN MCCONNELL
It gives the students an opportunity to work with teachers in an entirely different way.
KATHLEEN MCCONNELL
We have a pretty good lineup. Once we started hitting and scored a lot of runs, I think that helped ...
MICKEY MCCONNELL
There's a fine line between liberty and protection. And the more protection you try to give people, ...
RON MCCONNELL
He's well-rounded. He's not only a good basketball player, but he's a great kid as well.
TIM MCCONNELL
We need a type of patriotism that recognizes the virtues of those who are opposed to us. We must get...
FRANCIS JOHN MCCONNELL
We humans may be brilliant and we may be special, but we are still connected to the rest of life. No...
PATRICIA B. MCCONNELL
For us, it's like you just built a new house, and you're leaving a house that never quite fit. And w...
PRINCIPAL MARY MCCONNELL
I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.
MITCH HEDBERG
Dogs are forever in the push up postion.
MITCH HEDBERG
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
MITCH HEDBERG
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.
MITCH HEDBERG
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was proli...
MITCH HEDBERG
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
MITCH HEDBERG
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
MITCH HEDBERG
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
MITCH HEDBERG
People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has...
MITCH HEDBERG
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
MITCH HEDBERG
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
MITCH HEDBERG
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
MITCH HEDBERG
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that b...
MITCH HEDBERG
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a w...
MITCH HEDBERG
Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Rob...
MITCH HEDBERG
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
MITCH HEDBERG
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
MITCH HEDBERG
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, s...
MITCH HEDBERG
People in the industry foresee a time in which, for many people, the only thing they'll need on ...
MITCH KAPOR
When business leaders ask me what they can do for Indiana, I always reply: 'Make money. Go make ...
MITCH DANIELS
I give Bill Gates an A for vision because, as a business person and a strategist, he's brilliant...
MITCH KAPOR
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're g...
MITCH HEDBERG
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
MITCH HEDBERG
My funeral," the Blue Man said. "Look at the mourners. Some did not even know me well, yet they came...
MITCH ALBOM
People come down for baseball or football or hockey and drive by the refurbished Fox and State theat...
MITCH ALBOM
If you're always battling against getting older, you're always going to be unhappy, because it's goi...
MITCH ALBOM
My jaw dropped, ... I felt shame that I had to find out over the television, then felt sorrow and a ...
MITCH ALBOM
Since everyone was going to die, he could be of great value, right? ... He could be research. A huma...
MITCH ALBOM
You're not a wave, you're a part of the ocean.
MITCH ALBOM
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention with the possible exceptions ...
MITCH RATCLIFFE
Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a we...
MITCH ALBOM
You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense o...
MITCH ALBOM
Now you know how badly someone wanted you, Charley. Children forget that sometimes. They think of th...
MITCH ALBOM
Faith is about doing. You are how you act, not just how you believe.
MITCH ALBOM
You see, you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, y...
MITCH ALBOM
But she wasn’t around, and that’s the thing when your parents die, you feel like instead of goin...
MITCH ALBOM
I drive a beat-up Mercury Cougar, with the windows down and the music up. I seek my identity in toug...
MITCH ALBOM
So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy do...
MITCH ALBOM
All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prin...
MITCH ALBOM
But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Som...
MITCH ALBOM
Death ends a life, not a relationship.
MITCH ALBOM
Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring t...
MITCH ALBOM
The reason kids like rock 'n roll is their parents don't.
MITCH MILLER
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possibl...
MITCH RATLIFFE
Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that
MITCH ALBOM
Time is not what you think. Dying? Not the end of everything. We think it is. But what happens on ea...
MITCH ALBOM
People are only mean when they're threatened, and that's what our culture does. That's what our econ...
MITCH ALBOM