The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.

I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.

If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.

I was a smart-ass, born and raised. This had been my curse and would continue to be so.

There’s a short circuit between my brain and my tongue, thus “Leave me the fuck alone” comes out as “Well, maybe. Sure. I guess I can see your point.

Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.