The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.

A smile is the shortest distance between two people.