A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.