Sport, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose... It's how drunk you get.

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

Why don't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?

To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems

Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

Shut up, brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-tip!