Sometimes I wake up and wonder if those chalk outlines they have at murder scenes get together for holiday parties...

How to contact in case of an emergency?

I prefer 911 myself...

I'm not sure if it's possible, but if it is I have a life contract with a rubber glove clause. This means almost any social interaction will involve the placing on, or removal of rubber gloves. That 'snap' means the fun, whatever type it may be, has begun.
Doctors? OK, dentists? OK, clerk at Walmart? WHAT!!
The Clerk begins to pull on the gloves as other shoppers suddenly find other open lanes.
**SNAP**!

My oldest son used to say his stomach had angries when he felt sick.
I always pictured an all night fight club for finger foods!!

I am open to comments, I accept with with all humility, or at least what I can muster at short notice.