Only those who will love longer than they expected to can truly love pecan pie, which doesn't explain its status as death rows most requested last dessert, or why chopped pecans, corn syrup, directions from the Karo bottle's cherry-red side are what mercy taste like to some. But there you have it.

If you love peanut butter pie, you are either Dolly Parton or someone who loves her.

The difference between superlative pie and a wish for cake is crust. Understand that pie is a generous but self-centered substance. It likes attention, not affection. Do not hug your crust. Do not rub its back or five its high. Don't fuss with refrigerators every step oft he way. Keep the water and butter cold, and remember what a wise baker once said: The goal is pie.

The First Law of Pies: 'No Pastry, No Pie.

The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed).

It could be argued that there is an element of entertainment in every pie, as every pie is inherently a surprise by virtue of its crust.