OLEAGINOUS, adj. Oily, smooth, sleek. Disraeli once described the manner of Bishop Wilberforce as "unctuous, oleaginous, saponaceous." And the good prelate was ever afterward known as Soapy Sam. For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.
Ambrose Bierce
Related OLEAGINOUS, adj. Oily, smooth, sleek. Disraeli once described the manner of Bishop Wilberforce as "u... AMBROSE BIERCE For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e... AMBROSE BIERCE Nothing is ever as good or as bad as it appears to be. JEFFREY FRY This is too much reality for a Friday. AS GOOD AS IT GETS I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES Feast of Ambrose, Bishop of Milan, Teacher, 397 To the good man to die is gain. The foolish fea... ST. AMBROSE There's plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this ticket, there's only five of ... ROALD DAHL Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you... C. JOYBELL C. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ... J.J. MCAVOY Since the day he was born, he'd been defying the odds. Today was not the day to stop that trend. Unl... SHERRILYN KENYON OBSOLETE, adj. No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer h... AMBROSE BIERCE Hunter’s dead,” Taylor said without preamble. “It was these . . . these things. They came craw... MICHAEL GRANT Since the day he was born, he'd been defying the odds. Today was not the day to stop that trend. Unl... SHERRILYN KENYON It was him against the flames and he revelled in it. Logan was good at his job. Exceptionally g... AMY ANDREWS It's like he would take a photograph of Sam, and the photograph would be beautiful. And he woul... STEPHEN CHBOSKY Only love of a good woman will make a man question every choice, every action. Only love makes a war... LAURELL K. HAMILTON He opened his mouth. The words were there. He was about to say them when a jolt of terror went throu... CASSANDRA CLARE He was like nothing she’d ever known. Marcii hoped she would come to know him, for he was all... ROSS TURNER Quinn came forward and Sam pulled him aside. His old friend looked tortured and sad. “What’... MICHAEL GRANT It is a contradiction in terms and ideas, to call anything a revelation that comes to us at second-h... THOMAS PAINE What was it like to lose him?" Asked Sorrow. There was a long pause before I responded: <... LANG LEAV Hey, brah,” Quinn said. “What is going on, do you know?” Sam asked. “It’s a club... MICHAEL GRANT [But a meeting with Bishop Robinson would exasperate conservative evangelicals and primates from the... ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY What man ever openly apologizes for slander? It is not so much a feeling of slander as it is that of... CRISS JAMI There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star... J.R.R. TOLKIEN It was a pity that there was no radar to guide one across the trackless seas of life. Every man had ... ARTHUR C. CLARKE It is a good point of cunning for a man to shape the answer he would have in his own words and propo... FRANCIS BACON SR. The marquis de Carabas was not a good man, and he knew himself well enough to be perfectly certain t... NEIL GAIMAN He was the fantasy of every girl in the country. He was so far out of realm, her world, that she sho... MARISSA MEYER All right, Watson. Don’t look so scared,” he muttered in a very weak voice. “It’s not as bad... ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE Boehme makes such leaps, such contradictions, such confusions of thought. It is as though he wishes ... ELIZABETH GILBERT I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him... WILLIAM BUTLER YEATS Man has three friends on whose company he relies. First, wealth - which goes with him only while goo... THE TALMUD Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did not d... CHARLES DICKENS The whole of my life I have relied on my beauty first, brains second. It was expected, even re... KRISTEN CALLIHAN There is always something ticking with Murrow. He was described as a prince of doom, a man carrying ... DAVID STRATHAIRN I remembered a piece of sisterly advice, which Feely once gave Daffy and me: "If ever you're ac... ALAN BRADLEY Why, Sam,” he said, “to hear you somehow makes me as merry as if the story was already writ... J.R.R. TOLKIEN God would never make man in his image, because that would then make him as vain as what man is. ANTHONY T. HINCKS RESPLENDENT, adj. Like a simple American citizen beduking himself in his lodge, or affirming his con... AMBROSE BIERCE numb" described his effect on her like "handsome" described Abe Lincoln. A woman would have to be de... SHERRILYN KENYON Man has three friends on whose company he relies. First, wealth which goes with him only while good ... THE TALMUD And as you come to know Him, you're becoming like Him. The more you are like Him, the more different... CRAIG GROESCHEL A dying man asked a dying man for eternal life; a man without possessions asked a poor man for a Kin... FULTON J. SHEEN There is in every madman a misunderstood genius whose idea shining in his head f... ANTONIN ARTAUD It would be a remarkable life if we live it in the same manner as we do once we find out we do not h... FAISAL KHOSA Written about Washington after his death by another of the founding fathers, Thomas Jefferson: His m... GEORGE WASHINGTON THERE was a man in our town, and he was wondrous rich; He gave away his millions to the colleges... FRANKLIN PIERCE ADAMS Loving, of enemies is another dogma of feigned morality, and has besides no meaning. It is incumbent... THOMAS PAINE I would rather try to persuade a man to go along, because once I have persuaded him, he will stick. ... DWIGHT D EISENHOWER I would rather try to persuade a man to go along, because once I have persuaded him he will stick. I... DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER I would rather try to persuade a man to go along, because once I have persuaded him, he will stick. ... DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER Ironically,” she commented, “this will be the first time I’ve ever done anything to please my ... LISA KLEYPAS As a matter of self-preservation, a man needs good friends or ardent enemies, for the former instru... DIOGENES As a matter of self-preservation, a man needs good friends or ardent enemies, for the former instruc... DIOGENES There is no such thing in the world as luck. There never was a man who could go out in the morning a... P. T. BARNUM What concerns me is that man, unable to articulate, to express himself adequately, reverts to action... JOSEPH BRODSKY A man who was completely innocent, offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others, including ... MAHATMA GANDHI Wake up to a brand new day and realize why you woke up to meet the day! Live to the end of another d... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Beaming into the thick of a tree without becoming a lifelong tree hugger was a tricky business. A pr... CHRISTINA ENGELA Sam was slow getting up. To Quinn he looked like an old man standing up after slipping on the ice. B... MICHAEL GRANT No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ... H. P. LOVECRAFT Albert, I don’t know how long we can keep Sam involved at all,” she said. “You’re upset... MICHAEL GRANT I have known many an instance of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is... HENRY WARD BEECHER May I never neither turn left nor turn right in my journey of life, but may I go straight to Christ ... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH TZEDAKAH is a Hebrew word commonly translated as “charity.” One Jewish leader descri... RICHIE NORTON I like to think I'm a good mechanic for the company. 'Oh well, we sprung a leak? Call Ambros... DEAN AMBROSE The great fault of all ethics hitherto has been that they believed themselves to have to deal only w... ALBERT SCHWEITZER Nicolai, the Dark Seducer as his people called him, had been in bed, but not alone. He was never alo... GENA SHOWALTER Thrower started toward them at a trot, then remembered his dignity and walked the rest of the way. T... ORSON SCOTT CARD Have either of you seen Sam? Brianna can’t find him.” Albert sighed. “He’s out of town.... MICHAEL GRANT Sam woke to a feeling of utter, profound, incredible relief. He closed his eyes as soon as he o... MICHAEL GRANT To me watching him, the rhythm of his delivery is a lot smoother and a lot better. We talk among our... JASON MARQUIS …having once seen him put forth his strength in battle, methinks I could know him again among a th... WALTER SCOTT Leadership is a word and a concept that has been more argued than almost any other I know. I am not ... DWIGHT DAVID EISENHOWER How do you even know I'm someone you'll want to remember? We've only seen each other once before.' CHRISTINA WESTOVER The gospels indicate a development in the apostles' attitude toward Jesus. They first see him as a p... WILLIAM A. BARRY And I remember when I met him, it was so clear that he was the only one for me. We both knew it, rig... LANA DEL REY The city?" Tyrion was lost. "What city would that be?" "King's Landing. I am sending you to cou... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Friendship is a double-edged sword one side it can be great and true but the other side it spells be... GARY F EVANS... Every event that a man would master must be mounted on the run, and no man ever caught the reins of ... OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES JR. Every event that a man would master must be mounted on the run, and no man ever caught the reins of ... OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES Every event that a man would master must be mounted on the run, and no man ever caught the reins of ... OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES, SR. Oh my God, look!” I stand and hold out my hand for Sam to inspect. “Wow,” he says,... SARAH OCKLER Feast of Ambrose, Bishop of Milan, Teacher, 397 It is a great mystery of divine love, that not ev... ST. AMBROSE But above all, above respect and esteem, there was a motive within her of good will which could not ... JANE AUSTEN The number of known human fossils only increases slowly. But the manner of regarding and assessing t... PIERRE TEILHARD DE CHARDIN Sam Temple kept a lower profile. He stuck to jeans and understated T-shirts, nothing that drew atten... MICHAEL GRANT There was a tale he had read once, long ago, as a small boy: the story of a traveler who had slipped... NEIL GAIMAN He'd once known a man who said that life hinged on the moment, that everything changed in the blink ... DEREK LANDY Then she looked away, dismissing him as if she’d found him to be substandard. All right... GENA SHOWALTER I have a dream, I have a vision, I have a mission, I have to do something, I will do this at this ti... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH What was it like to love him? Asked Gratitude. It was like being exhumed, I answered, and broug... LANG LEAV Why are we sneaking out in the night?” Jack repeated. “I already explained,” Sam snapped.... MICHAEL GRANT If man does find the solution for world peace it will be the most revolutionary reversal of his reco... GENERAL GEORGE CATLETT MARSHALL If man does find the solution for world peace it will be the most revolutionary reversal of his reco... GEORGE C. MARSHALL His back was to me and he was wearing pajama bottoms and nothing else. His shoulders, the smooth mus... KRISTEN ASHLEY She had her own barometer for knowing when a man was getting too close: as soon as he felt comfortab... STEPHANIE BOND So that when man can be in great distress having been betrayed and deserted by all friends he may fi... BHAGAT SINGH How would it be,” said Pooh slowly, “if, as soon as we’re out of sight of this Pit, we try to ... MILNE, A. A.
More Ambrose Bierce
Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. AMBROSE BIERCE Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e... AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. AMBROSE BIERCE Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. AMBROSE BIERCE Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,... AMBROSE BIERCE Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. AMBROSE BIERCE Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ... AMBROSE BIERCE Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Doubt is the father of invention. AMBROSE BIERCE Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. AMBROSE BIERCE Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ... AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. AMBROSE BIERCE Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. AMBROSE BIERCE Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ... AMBROSE BIERCE Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions. AMBROSE BIERCE Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone. AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b... AMBROSE BIERCE For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e... AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand... AMBROSE BIERCE Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage. AMBROSE BIERCE Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps. AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean , n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g... AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. AMBROSE BIERCE Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. AMBROSE BIERCE Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m... AMBROSE BIERCE Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi... AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th... AMBROSE BIERCE Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on. AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others. AMBROSE BIERCE Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ... AMBROSE BIERCE An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE A temporary insanity curable by marriage. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes... AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. AMBROSE BIERCE Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat. AMBROSE BIERCE Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co... AMBROSE BIERCE Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no... AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows. AMBROSE BIERCE Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan... AMBROSE BIERCE Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi... AMBROSE BIERCE Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify. AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull. AMBROSE BIERCE Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited. AMBROSE BIERCE Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover... AMBROSE BIERCE Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity. AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. AMBROSE BIERCE Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect. AMBROSE BIERCE A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support. AMBROSE BIERCE Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un... AMBROSE BIERCE Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t... AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result. AMBROSE BIERCE A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. AMBROSE BIERCE All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. AMBROSE BIERCE A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. AMBROSE BIERCE As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolen... AMBROSE BIERCE Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live. AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy. AMBROSE BIERCE A man is known by the company he organizes. AMBROSE BIERCE Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti... AMBROSE BIERCE Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap... AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me! AMBROSE BIERCE Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire. AMBROSE BIERCE Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard. AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta... AMBROSE BIERCE Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you. AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state. AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis... AMBROSE BIERCE Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please... AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont... AMBROSE BIERCE Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl... AMBROSE BIERCE Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give... AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien... AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C. AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ... AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker. AMBROSE BIERCE An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws. AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense. AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k... AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip. AMBROSE BIERCE Habit is a shackle for the free. AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti... AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones. AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. AMBROSE BIERCE Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad... AMBROSE BIERCE Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age. AMBROSE BIERCE Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha... AMBROSE BIERCE The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. AMBROSE BIERCE When in Rome, do as Rome does. AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom... AMBROSE BIERCE Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen. AMBROSE BIERCE Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie... AMBROSE BIERCE Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world. AMBROSE BIERCE Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou... AMBROSE BIERCE Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o... AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. AMBROSE BIERCE Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead. AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart. AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso... AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi... AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ... AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte... AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in... AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima... AMBROSE BIERCE ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ... AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o... AMBROSE BIERCE Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. AMBROSE BIERCE Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. AMBROSE BIERCE International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde... AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. AMBROSE BIERCE There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy. AMBROSE BIERCE FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. AMBROSE BIERCE ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus... AMBROSE BIERCE HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com... AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m... AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So... AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie... AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc... AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact. AMBROSE BIERCE Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited. AMBROSE BIERCE QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh... AMBROSE BIERCE When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover. AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of... AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. AMBROSE BIERCE ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci... AMBROSE BIERCE LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s... AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Birth: The first and direst of all disasters. AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed. AMBROSE BIERCE Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affai... AMBROSE BIERCE Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. AMBROSE BIERCE Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. AMBROSE BIERCE Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking. AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. AMBROSE BIERCE Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ... AMBROSE BIERCE Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke... AMBROSE BIERCE Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor... AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ... AMBROSE BIERCE Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the... AMBROSE BIERCE Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ... AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up. AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab... AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist , n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. AMBROSE BIERCE Positive , adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater , n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa... AMBROSE BIERCE