CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain. "Close-fisted Scotchman!" Johnson cried To thrifty J. Macpherson; "See me --I'm ready to divide With any worthy person." Sad Jamie: "That is very true -- The boast requires no backing; And all are worthy, sir, to you, Who have what you are lacking." --Anita M. Bobe
Ambrose Bierce
Related CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain."Cl... AMBROSE BIERCE All I ever did to that apartment was hang fifty yards of yellow theatrical silk across the bedroom w... JOAN DIDION We can never make proper goodbyes. It was your last ride in a Checker cab and you had no warning. It... COLSON WHITEHEAD You have given me a great responsibility: to stay close to you, to be worthy of you and to exemplify... JIMMY CARTER It's a lie to think that you are not good enough. It's a lie to think that you are not beautiful. It... DISON ARNIBAL A: I like your apartment. B: It's nice, but it's only big enough for one person – or two peop... ANDY WARHOL Look, this is all very, very weird. Why are you focusing on rumours and urban legends? You haven’t... DEREK LANDY You have to choose your path. You have to decide what you wish to do. You are the only per... LAILAH GIFTY AKITA But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going To have ... DR. SEUSS I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you directly without problems o... PABLO NERUDA I have something to tell you." "How, you have something to tell me?" "You have... STEVEN BRUST Anita can speak for herself," Richard said. Jean-Claude's attention flicked back to me. "That i... LAURELL K. HAMILTON No sight so sad as that of a naughty child," he began, "especially a naughty little girl. Do you kno... CHARLOTTE BRONTë You have no idea of what you are doing to me,” he warned. She smiled. “Are you trying to fr... AMANDA QUICK Every group of friends has that one experience that, no matter where you are you carry it with you f... DR. KARAN M PAI Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is n... LAO TZU What about your Your 10,000 promises? That you gave to me (to me, babe) Your 10,00... BACKSTREET BOYS You may see all that is around you But you may feel nothing at all. So try and close your ... STEPHEN COSGROVE I should have known it was going to go downhill from there. “Now, I understand you’re looki... T.J. KLUNE No: I shall not marry Samuel Fawthrop Wynne." "I ask why? I must have a reason. In all re... CHARLOTTE BRONTë Sometimes what you see of a person Is only what they want you to see But if you disresp... ROBERT BLACK Im okay Im okay now. But you really need to listen to me 'cause im telling you the trut... GERARD WAY This illusion of work is fatal. It wastes your time, makes you think that you’re doing... VISHAL OSTWAL Don’t you dare say these times are hollow Just because there are storms raging by. Just ... MELITA TESSY Some people Are worthy of a bullet straight to the heart because that is where cruelt... ELLEN HOPKINS somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond any experience, your eyes have their silence: E.E. CUMMINGS I'm asking God to bless you with something that unsettles you, disturbs you, and upsets you. CRAIG GROESCHEL There are many different forms of family and there is in fact NO 'the' family. The basic ... CHRISTINA ENGELA Life is a valuable and unique opportunity to discover who you are. But it seems as soon as... RICHELLE E. GOODRICH Are you planning to kiss me?' Aedan asked. 'No.' Emroy wrinkled a pimply nose. 'Then why a... JONATHAN RENSHAW Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?" "Yes," said Harry ... J.K. ROWLING I was trying to make you jealous!" Simon screamed, right back. His hands were fisted at his sides. "... CASSANDRA CLARE You have a morbid aversion to dying. You probably resent the fact that you're at war and might get y... JOSEPH HELLER BEWARE OF THOSE Beware of those who are bitter, For they will never allow you T... SUZY KASSEM No matter how close, you are always too far My eyes are drawn everywhere you are. I... CORA CARMACK I am starting to accept that you never loved me. And it's sad because I don't think y... SADE ANDRIA ZABALA Is it odd, my love, that I envy others who have not met you for the intoxication t... KAMAND KOJOURI 1) I love you not for whom you are, but who i am when i'm by your side. 2) No person deser... GABRIEL GARCíA MáRQUEZ Food Allergies Are Not Due to Food, Rather Are Due to the Constant Contamination of That Food That Y... THEHEALTHFOODGURU For all the people who have infected me with amor deliria nervosa in the past - you know who yo... LAUREN OLIVER Alright! You sir, you sir, how about a shave? Come and visit your good friend Sweeney. You... STEPHEN SONDHEIM His blue eyes frosted. 'Are you attempting to tell me my duties, sir?' 'No. But I'm havin... RAYMOND CHANDLER What broke your heart so bad That you had to close every door, That you say you have a da... SANHITA BARUAH Commander, I always used to consider that you had a definite anti-authoritarian streak in you.” TERRY PRATCHETT That, of course, depends entirely on who you mean by 'they'. It's a very vague term. Who is or are '... AGATHA CHRISTIE There are passages and doors And Realms that lie unseen. There are Roads both wide and na... WAYNE THOMAS BATSON you deserve for your heart to be heard- because love lights a fire in us all. it... ALEXANDRA ELLE In order to honor God with your wealth, you first have to admit that you are rich. Most people won't... CRAIG GROESCHEL Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right, nor do Two Rights Make a Left. Which ever side you think i... JONATHAN BAILEY When she comes She pulls you close She breathes in short bursts Her eyes close H... HENRY ROLLINS Tomo: You see, it's only the boobcage that I'm lacking. My only flaw. That's why I harp on you. KIYOHIKO AZUMA I tell you this to break your heart, by which I mean only that it break open and neve... MARY OLIVER You often say ; I would give , but only to the deserving, The trees in your orchard say not so , nor... KAHLIL GIBRAN Forbear to judge, for we are sinners all. Close up his eyes and draw the curtain close; And ... WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Sleep, eat, train, fight -- co-located units that are with the infantry and the armor are righ... ELAINE DONNELLY No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ... H. P. LOVECRAFT HEARTWORK Each day is born with a sunrise and ends in a sunset, the same way we SUZY KASSEM Gift ain't what you take by effort, as swag ain't what you worthy have. TOBA BETA Who cares what are you eating?? Who cares where are you? Who cares what are you posting??<... DEYTH BANGER Did you know sometimes it frightens me-- when you say my name and I can't see you? will yo... EMILIE AUTUMN My tactic is to look at you To learn how you are Love you as you are My tactic is to... MARIO BENEDETTI M: Don't go there. Besides, you want to tell me about this prom date? Hmm? J: He's just a... KELLY BINGHAM M: Don't go there. Besides, you want to tell me about this prom date? Hmm? J: He's just a... KELLY BINGHAM She can sense things . . . Things the rest of us can't.She only knew there was a strange feel to you... RICHELLE MEAD Before I tell you, I have to know three things," I said. "Okay." "One, are you sitting dow... DARYNDA JONES They miss the whisper that runs any day in your mind, "Who are you really, wanderer?"-- WILLIAM STAFFORD I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz, or arrow of carnations that propagate... PABLO NERUDA Sharing a room with the person you want most is like sharing a room with an open fire. He... RAINBOW ROWELL Sometimes, when I am sad, I am not sad for myself. I am sad for the world, I am sad ... WORDIONS A man worth being with is one… That never lies to you Is kind to people that have ... SHANNON L. ALDER Have the courage to do what you're not ready to do. RICHIE NORTON There are ten abilities, but no one has more than one—except me. I’m different that way. I have�... QUOLEENA SBROCCA GLOUCESTER Now, good sir, what are you? EDGAR A most poor man made tame to fort... WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Who are you? How can one person be gregarious and a recluse Open and closed at the same ti... EVY MICHAELS The aching in my chest isn't because I miss you, it's realizing that you have becom... TANZY SAYADI Scars are souvenirs you never lose The past is never far Did you lose yourself somewhere ou... JOHN RZEZNIK What are you really studying?" He leans back to look at her. "The statistical probability of lo... JENNIFER E. SMITH And it’s more. It’s about getting past that question of whats wrong with me, to knowing the... JULIE ANNE PETERS i hope that whoever you are wherever you are and no matter how you are feeling SANOBER KHAN I open my eyes. I want to know: what is in the abyss of a kiss? Are stars born in t... KAMAND KOJOURI The market is still waiting for HSBC results, which will have a big impact on the direction of the m... ANDREW TO Property shares had a technical rebound, but interest rate concerns will still affect properties unt... ANDREW TO Bank of China's results were quite good; double-digit growth can be taken as good results for a bank... ANDREW TO The index tried to challenge 18,000 but failed, so that triggered profit taking. Tokyo's slide also ... ANDREW TO Trading seems to be focusing on selective counters because investors are cautious amid interest rate... ANDREW TO We're seeing a minor technical rebound after Wall Street rebounded from two days of losses. The key ... ANDREW TO Some investors have returned to pick up the stock at bargain prices. ANDREW TO I think the take-up for the placement is not too good and other property developers may be discourag... ANDREW TO We are afraid that our freedoms and liberties will be infringed in the future. ANDREW TO I think there was some minor selling pressure on telecom stocks as the market continued to see a wea... ANDREW TO Sometmes when you pull knives on people, they get this impression that you're going to hurt them, an... SARAH REES BRENNAN Who are you, Martin Eden? he demanded of himself in the looking- glass, that night when he got... JACK LONDON All you who are in love Aye and can not remove it I pity the pain that you endure. Fo... MAGGIE STIEFVATER JAMIE'S SONG 'KILL ME': In the darkness of the night, you come to me to fight. ... NEHA YAZMIN Are you the new person drawn toward me? To begin with, take warning - I am surely far different... WALT WHITMAN Ladies and gentlemen, Jamal Feldstein-Roth.” I blinked. “Wait, Jamal ?” “Suc... MICHELLE HODKIN So are you going to tell me what happened last night?" "You were there. You saw what happened."... ALLY CARTER What is this love that makes me see beauty, and makes every beautiful thing bring yo... KAMAND KOJOURI You feel pretty ,manly to me," I breathed out, all jelly-legged with half-mast eyes. "And you f... L.J. SHEN I don’t have any fancy story, about the way we fell in love. It was that one awkward mov... JASLEEN KAUR GUMBER
More Ambrose Bierce
Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. AMBROSE BIERCE Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e... AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. AMBROSE BIERCE Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. AMBROSE BIERCE Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,... AMBROSE BIERCE Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. AMBROSE BIERCE Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ... AMBROSE BIERCE Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Doubt is the father of invention. AMBROSE BIERCE Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. AMBROSE BIERCE Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ... AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. AMBROSE BIERCE Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. AMBROSE BIERCE Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ... AMBROSE BIERCE Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions. AMBROSE BIERCE Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone. AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b... AMBROSE BIERCE For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e... AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand... AMBROSE BIERCE Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage. AMBROSE BIERCE Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps. AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean , n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g... AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. AMBROSE BIERCE Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. AMBROSE BIERCE Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m... AMBROSE BIERCE Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi... AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th... AMBROSE BIERCE Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on. AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others. AMBROSE BIERCE Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ... AMBROSE BIERCE An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE A temporary insanity curable by marriage. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes... AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. AMBROSE BIERCE Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat. AMBROSE BIERCE Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co... AMBROSE BIERCE Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no... AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows. AMBROSE BIERCE Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan... AMBROSE BIERCE Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi... AMBROSE BIERCE Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify. AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull. AMBROSE BIERCE Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited. AMBROSE BIERCE Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover... AMBROSE BIERCE Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity. AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. AMBROSE BIERCE Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect. AMBROSE BIERCE A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support. AMBROSE BIERCE Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un... AMBROSE BIERCE Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t... AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result. AMBROSE BIERCE A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. AMBROSE BIERCE All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. AMBROSE BIERCE A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. AMBROSE BIERCE As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolen... AMBROSE BIERCE Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live. AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy. AMBROSE BIERCE A man is known by the company he organizes. AMBROSE BIERCE Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti... AMBROSE BIERCE Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap... AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me! AMBROSE BIERCE Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire. AMBROSE BIERCE Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard. AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta... AMBROSE BIERCE Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you. AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state. AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis... AMBROSE BIERCE Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please... AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont... AMBROSE BIERCE Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl... AMBROSE BIERCE Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give... AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien... AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C. AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ... AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker. AMBROSE BIERCE An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws. AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense. AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k... AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip. AMBROSE BIERCE Habit is a shackle for the free. AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti... AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones. AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. AMBROSE BIERCE Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad... AMBROSE BIERCE Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age. AMBROSE BIERCE Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha... AMBROSE BIERCE The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. AMBROSE BIERCE When in Rome, do as Rome does. AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom... AMBROSE BIERCE Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen. AMBROSE BIERCE Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie... AMBROSE BIERCE Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world. AMBROSE BIERCE Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou... AMBROSE BIERCE Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o... AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. AMBROSE BIERCE Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead. AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart. AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso... AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi... AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ... AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte... AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in... AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima... AMBROSE BIERCE ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ... AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o... AMBROSE BIERCE Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. AMBROSE BIERCE Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. AMBROSE BIERCE International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde... AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. AMBROSE BIERCE There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy. AMBROSE BIERCE FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. AMBROSE BIERCE ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus... AMBROSE BIERCE HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com... AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m... AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So... AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie... AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc... AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact. AMBROSE BIERCE Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited. AMBROSE BIERCE QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh... AMBROSE BIERCE When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover. AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of... AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. AMBROSE BIERCE ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci... AMBROSE BIERCE LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s... AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Birth: The first and direst of all disasters. AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed. AMBROSE BIERCE Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affai... AMBROSE BIERCE Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. AMBROSE BIERCE Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. AMBROSE BIERCE Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking. AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. AMBROSE BIERCE Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ... AMBROSE BIERCE Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke... AMBROSE BIERCE Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor... AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ... AMBROSE BIERCE Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the... AMBROSE BIERCE Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ... AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up. AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab... AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist , n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. AMBROSE BIERCE Positive , adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater , n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa... AMBROSE BIERCE