Ninety percent of success is showing up.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

A "Bay Area Bisexual" told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.