New Rule: Stop putting all those pillows on the bed. Attention, interior designers, hotel maids, and real housewives of New Jersey: It's a bed, not an obstacle course. I'm sorry, baby, I'd like to make sweet love to you all night long, but by the time I get all that crap off your bed, I'm exhausted . A bed needs only two pillows: one to put my head on, and one to cuddle with and pretend it's Robert Pattinson.
Bill Maher
Related Lots and lots of decorative pillows piled on the bed will give in a warm and inviting feel. I like t... DEBORAH CARPENTER There are so many ways to decorate small spaces. One of my favorite things is throw pillows. They ca... BETHANY MOTA A woman without breasts is like a bed without pillows ANATOLE FRANCE There is a certain proper and luxurious way of lying in bed. Confucius, that great artist of life, "... LIN YUTANG I can't towel-dry my hair, because it'll tangle. So I put a towel on the bed and smack my head on th... ALANIS MORISSETTE I like to be completely exhausted when I go to bed, so if I worked out and I had a long day, that... ELSA HOSK So much is yet to come. Soon will be blankets and pillows, and books by the bed to make the stuff of... JIM MCCANN revolver under my bed as im pouring liquor out NOBLE DA GENIUS What does good in bed mean to me? When I'm sick and I stay home from school propped up with lots of ... BROOKE SHIELDS Work 'em hard, play 'em hard, feed 'em up to the nines and send 'em to bed so tired that they are as... FRANK L. BOYDEN You hand fits in mine like its made to be but bear this in mind it was meant to be and im joining up... ONE DIRECTION That night we slept apart, all those unexplored continents reemerged on the atlas of your bed. ROSALYN D'MELLO What does good in bed mean to me? When I'm sick and I stay home from school propped up with lots... BROOKE SHIELDS So when the sun in bed,
Curtain'd with cloudy red,
Pillows his chin upon an orient wave. JOHN MILTON Come then, put away your sword in its sheath, and let us two go up into my bed so that, lying togeth... HOMER I try to make my bed every day for mental health. Coming home to an unmade bed or a room with clothe... DAVID ALAN GRIER I like to get to bed with a clear head. PATRICIA CORNWELL An orange on the table, your dress on the rug, and you in my bed, sweet present of the present, cool... JACQUES PREVERT Your English style will no doubt put all the other gentlemen to bed. I speak figuratively, of course... JOHN GIELGUD All I ever did to that apartment was hang fifty yards of yellow theatrical silk across the bedroom w... JOAN DIDION We can never make proper goodbyes. It was your last ride in a Checker cab and you had no warning. It... COLSON WHITEHEAD Afore me! It is so very late, That we may call it early by and by. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE While sleep position plays an importing role in keeping babies safe, it is only part of the solution... JAMES KEMP It is comforting when one has a sorrow to lie in the warmth of one's bed and there, abandoning all e... MARCEL PROUST Every highlight they show is him smacking the crap out of the quarterback. So then I put my baby dow... JEFF GRIMES O bed! O bed! delicious bed!
That heaven upon earth to the weary head. THOMAS HOOD When I get up in the morning, I go right back to bed again. I feel best in the evening the moment I ... SøREN KIERKEGAARD God knows I had not wanted to fall in love with her. I had not wanted to fall in love with any one. ... ERNEST HEMINGWAY We all know the experience of sitting in bed feeling exhilarated one day and lackluster the very nex... ALEXANDRA KATEHAKIS All those girls that I used to get over you ,are all gone and they moved on with their life's and th... EDISON PATRICK AMADO You fell asleep and a monster crawled from out of my head and found its way under my bed YESENIA BARKLEY Being packed all the time, even when not in use, must feel something like going to bed on an empty s... MARIE KONDO You are like a god, like an immortal one,' she whispered to me one night in our bed, her naked body ... ROMAN PAYNE Training hard was not just going to the track at 3:30 and running hard. It was going to bed at the r... A.J. ELLISON Go back to bed', said the omniscient interior voice, because you don't need to know the final answer... ELIZABETH GILBERT You want to come home to a nice firm bed with the corners tucked in so you start over, like each nig... GABRIELLE UNION It takes a long time to drag myself out of bed, and at night I'm buzzing. As a young man it was ... DAVID MORRISSEY The neck and the head feel like one tight crowbar. As far as my focus, it's much better than (Monday... MARC CHOUINARD I have a scar on my forehead. I was three years old, jumping on the bed with my brothers, and I fell... JAMIE-LYNN SIGLER To take an Annamite to bed with you is like taking a bird: they twitter and sing on your pillow GRAHAM GREENE My wife and I make the bed every morning, but it's a queen size bed today, as opposed to a rack,... WILLIAM H. MCRAVEN every body thinks im this cheerful littel person with a wonderful smile but the truth is i hide behi... AMBER FAITH HUN Miss Fontanne and I rehearse all the time. Even after we leave the theater, we rehearse. We sleep in... ALFRED LUNT Three billion people on the face of the earth go to bed hungry every night, but four billion people ... CAVETT ROBERT i know im not the girl you wanted. not the one you want to hear from. but what you see is what you g... SIMI GREWAL I carried my Oscar to bed with me. My first and only three-way happened that night. HALLE BERRY I wasn't going to have enough money to pay for a Good Lifestyle, which meant I'd feel ashamed, which... NED VIZZINI I write almost entirely in bed or on a couch with my feet up on the coffee table. I feel most creati... GARY SHTEYNGART Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil ... GILBERT K. CHESTERTON Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil ... G. K. CHESTERTON I used to sleep on the floor next to the bed, because I believed that I didn't even deserve a be... BYRON KATIE Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can't help myself. The fluffy p... LAURIE HALSE ANDERSON I even smoke in bed. Imagine smoking a cigar in bed, reading a book. Next to your bed, there's a... RAUL JULIA I like to do things in bed. I fold the laundry on the bed. Food tastes better to me when I'm under t... ELIZABETH BERG If I have a choice between putting my kids to bed and going to a party, I'll put my kids to bed.... ELLE MACPHERSON I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and chan... ELLIOTT GOULD If my daughter has a bad dream and wants to get into my bed, I'm a sucker for her sweet face and... LARA SPENCER You can only sleep in one bed at a time. NICK RHODES I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ... ELLIOTT GOULD I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES All I can think about is bed.” “We’re sharing the same thought.” “You’re think... BECCA FITZPATRICK Rule number one of anime," Simon said. He sat propped up against a pile of pillows at the foot of hi... CASSANDRA CLARE For me being depressed means you can spend all day in bed, and still not get a good nights rest. PENELOPE SWEET Why can't you share your bed? The most loving thing to do is to share your bed with someone, ... You... MICHAEL JACKSON At Marshall Field in Chicago, I had them take a big bed into the menswear department, one with black... WAVY GRAVY Sleep is one of the great pleasures of life. Designing my bed linen line seemed like a natural progr... TWIGGY So I'm in love. That crazy, forget to eat, float around in a daze, talk on the phone all night and b... CYNTHIA HAND Time to go,” he says. “I already see this heading somewhere I’m too drunk to go right now. I�... COLLEEN HOOVER I took her to bed with silk and song 'Lay still, my love, I won’t be long, I must prepar... ROMAN PAYNE No book worth its salt is meant to put you to sleep, it's meant to make you jump out of your bed in ... BOHUMIL HRABAL I discovered television is a great way to deal with the chaos of new motherhood. I would put the bab... TAMRA DAVIS I've done everything. All of it. You think it, I've done it. All the things you never dared, all the... MELVIN BURGESS I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the... MUHAMMAD ALI Sadly, I put my dreams to bed long before they ever had the chance to get tired. CRAIG D. LOUNSBROUGH Music is everything to me. I wake up and go to bed with it. I listen to all genres, depending on my ... CHANEL IMAN I rolled off the bed and hid between the bed and the dresser. LORNA ZABER Parents and children alike need to understand that a child cannot be trained to stop wetting the bed... DIANE WESTON Yes, of course. Even without the state statute. That was our view. But there were conflicting views.... BARNETT LOTSTEIN In bed we laugh, in bed we cry, and born in bed, in bed we die; the near approach a bed may show of... SAMUEL JOHNSON Something wrong with your child? Feed them and put them to bed. Something wrong with your man? Feed ... SUSAN CARTWRIGHT I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, put on my prayers, turned off the bed, jumped... UNKNOWN I love that you can pick up your phone at a hotel and have something to eat in your bed. I love home... ADAM RICHMAN Sex is a conversation carried out by other means. If you get on well out of bed, half the problems o... PETER USTINOV All men are children, and of one family. The same tale sends them all to bed, and wakes them in the ... HENRY DAVID THOREAU What think you, if he were conveyed to bed,
Wrapped in sweet clothes, rings put upon his fingers,
... WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I'm not into the money thing. You can only sleep in one bed at a time. You can only eat one meal at ... RAY CHARLES I think about how much depends upon a best friend. When you wake up in the morning you swing your le... JOHN GREEN I think about how much depends upon a best friend. Then you wake up in the morning you swing your le... JOHN GREEN You're not fooling anyone by taking your clothes off when you go to bed. RICHARD BRAUTIGAN That's the memory I want to keep of her, not the image of her lying on some hotel bed. DAVID BLOCH One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody everything before you go to b... ANN LANDERS I get up every morning. I've got my pain, my irks, and you think you're in bad shape. You see some o... CULLIE BRUMETT I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!' EMO PHILIPS When I was a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. I would stand at my door, turn the light off and ... BRIAN KRAUSE I was sleeping in a water bed for a couple of years, recommended by my doctor. I was never comfortab... JO NESBO If this were a different time, a different place, I would take you to bed with me and make love to y... ANNE STUART I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before... MUHAMMAD ALI With all the awards she was given, she never put one on the wall. They're all under the bed. She sai... CAROL ADAMS All the questions have been put to bed now, and we can enter the next phase. JEFFREY VANDERBEEK Why can't you share your bed? The most loving thing to do is to share your bed with someone. It's ve... MICHAEL JACKSON
More Bill Maher
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you kno... BILL MAHER The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence brief... BILL MAHER Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For w... BILL MAHER You are what you do. It’s about actions. BILL MAHER I have a high state of resentment for the conformity in this country. If you're not married and havi... BILL MAHER We have a Bill of rights. What we need is a Bill of responsibilities. BILL MAHER Everything that used to be a sin, is now a disease. BILL MAHER When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That’s something I value. F... BILL MAHER Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. BILL MAHER He had no further intercourse with Spirits, but lived upon the Total Abstinence Principle, ever afte... BILL MAHER Freedom isn't free. 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Besides being lazy and ugly, it's animal cruelty. Yo... BILL MAHER New Rule: If you're one of the one-in-three married women who say your pet is a better listener than... BILL MAHER First of all understand that I get it. That there are millions and millions of women who are steely ... BILL MAHER First of all understand that I get it. That there are millions and millions of women who are steely ... BILL MAHER New Rule: Just because a country elects a smart president doesn't make it a smart country. A couple ... BILL MAHER New Rule: You don't have to teach both sides of a debate if one side is a load of crap. President Bu... BILL MAHER I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it. BILL MAHER In New York now, they have Harvey Milk High School for gay students. They don't have much of a footb... BILL MAHER Bob Dole admitted he used cocaine when he was in college, but then Coca-Cola changed its formula. BILL MAHER I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurologic... BILL MAHER Now I've got to get the computer fixed to get my goddamn windows up, BILL MAHER People have romantic notions about television. In the highest realms they think it's some sort of ar... BILL MAHER They" hate us because they feel--and "they" are not wrong--that it is within our power to do so much... BILL MAHER Not doing anything is doing something and choosing to look away is a passive but no less mo... BILL MAHER New Rule: If we want to find a place to cut government waste, we must start with the DEA rubber duck... BILL MAHER The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religi... BILL MAHER NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new study has ... BILL MAHER We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It'... BILL MAHER New Rule: Since Glenn Beck is clearly onto us, liberals must launch our plan for socialist dominatio... BILL MAHER New Rule: There's only one thing to say about the Christian Film and Television Commission giving me... BILL MAHER Stop saying drug use makes people lazy. Jimi Hendrix did a lot of drugs, even though he's been dead ... BILL MAHER We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's ... BILL MAHER Women are also property in our bible; adultery is a property crime in the Old Testament, not a sex c... BILL MAHER Republicans are taking the defeat over Health Care as well as Tiger Woods took to marriage. BILL MAHER Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him? BILL MAHER What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country. BILL MAHER Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need. BILL MAHER It's all been satirized for your protection. BILL MAHER Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think tha... BILL MAHER The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is ... BILL MAHER Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat the... BILL MAHER New rule: Tulips aren't flowers. They're some kind of gay onion. BILL MAHER Confidence is courage at ease. DANIEL MAHER Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a ... PETER MAHER Starting a new job is always scary, or at least for me it's always scary. It's like the firs... SEAN MAHER My colleague, Chuck, said -- I know it sounds like such an exaggeration -- but we felt like we were ... SUSAN MAHER The rise in output prices ... will not ruffle the doves unduly when the Monetary Policy Committee me... 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CHRISTIAN MAHER The move (to sell) is not illogical given the lack of control, but it is slightly at odds with the c... CHRISTIAN MAHER It's a savage profit warning for the UK. CHRISTIAN MAHER Hopefully, that will give our players a little bit of incentive to prove to their fans, their friend... KIM MAHER But I felt the moral obligation to help prevent what happened to me from happening to our people. MAHER ARAR They are doing this to people and it is wrong, wrong, wrong. This is an evil practice, and I want th... MAHER ARAR He always wants to come with me. He insists, and he cries if I can't take him. He's afraid that if I... MAHER ARAR I still have the nightmares. I see the same person who tortured me in my dreams. MAHER ARAR They kept telling me, 'You are a liar,' MAHER ARAR You have to understand, for a torture victim, this is an independent confirmation, ... And I would c... 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JOE MAHER Both team's probably each hit the cross bar or post about five times. JOE MAHER We needed to get more size up front. We were getting pushed around and knocked off the ball too much... JOE MAHER We need to get some consistency there. JOE MAHER Defensively, we are pretty solid, but on the offensive side we have some question marks. Between our... JOE MAHER Simon's almost naive in a sense. They live in a world where people have to be selfish and fight for ... SEAN MAHER I know people will have some questions. TOM MAHER The shadow self is what lies beneath the makeup. It’s those ugly parts that you haven’t accepted... NATHAN REESE MAHER Patches don’t look it, but when attached to your soul they can get pretty heavy. They go over the ... NATHAN REESE MAHER Because I am, just as you are you. We don’t always get to pick who we are, Shelly Wynn, but we can... NATHAN REESE MAHER All is as if the world did cease to exist. The city's monuments go unseen, its past unheard, and its... NATHAN REESE MAHER Cry no tears for us, my friend.” I pry at her fingers, panicking to be released in fear that she m... NATHAN REESE MAHER That’s a stupid name! Whirly-gig is much better, I think. Who in their right mind would point... NATHAN REESE MAHER I rouse Emily to our guests, as she finishes off our fifteenth snowman by setting the head atop its ... NATHAN REESE MAHER She leaves my side and heads deeper into the apartment singing, “—if the spirit tries to hi... NATHAN REESE MAHER I steal one glance over my shoulder as soon as we are far from the foreboding luminance of the neon ... NATHAN REESE MAHER History doesn’t start with a tall building and a card with your name written on it, but jokes... NATHAN REESE MAHER Did Bach ever eat pancakes at midnight? NATHAN REESE MAHER I can’t help but ask, “Do you know where you are?” She turns to me with a foreboding glar... NATHAN REESE MAHER There is a stillness between us, a period of restlessness that ties my stomach in a hangman’s... NATHAN REESE MAHER Call me crazy, but there is something terribly wrong with this city. NATHAN REESE MAHER Do we not each dream of dreams? Do we not dance on the notes of lost memories? Then are we not ... NATHAN REESE MAHER It’s no big deal. It’s kind of like a tattoo. It won’t hurt, not too much, just a few stitches... NATHAN REESE MAHER