Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

A child develops individuality long before he discovers taste