My folks always let me go to the movies every Saturday. We were really motion-picture goers.

I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

Men forget everything; women remember everything.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause — you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.