Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause — you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

Men forget everything; women remember everything.

That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. 'Get out' and 'I never want to see you again' might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, 'I love you.... I want to marry you.... I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.