Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

When nothing is going right, go left.

Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it?

My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museum.