Maybe you should say goodbye, Cal.'
'No.'
'It might be important.'
'It might make her die.

It's all right, Tessa, you can go. We love you. You can go now.'
'Why are you saying that?'
'She might need permission to die, Cal.'
'I don't want her to. She doesn't have my permission.

There's a gang of boys on bikes blocking the road ahead. They've got their hoods up, cigarettes shielded. The sky's a really strange colour and there's hardly anyone else about. I slow right down.

"What shall I do?"

"Reverse," Zoey says. "They're not going to move."

I wind down the window. "Oi!" I yell "Move your arses!"

They turn languid, shift lazily to the edge of the road and grin as I blow kisses at them.

Zoey looks stunned, "What's got into you?"

"Nothing- I just haven't learned reversing yet.

It's really going to happen. I really won't ever go back to school. Not ever. I'll never be famous or leave anything worthwhile behind. I'll never go to college or have a job. I won't see my brother grow up. I won't travel, never earn money, never drive, never fall in love or leave home or get my own house.
It's really, really true.
A thought stabs up, growing from my toes and ripping through me, until it stifles everything else and becomes the only thing I'm thinking. It fills me up like a silent scream.

That slow smile again. I love that smile! DId I think he was ugly just now? No, his face is transformed.

Je veux vivre avant de mourir.