Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.


She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.


We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she didn’t have enough time to have sex with me.


I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.


I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed.