FastSaying

Life likes jokes; life is constantly making jokes, even at the most inopportune moments.


Elizabeth McCracken

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My whole family is very sarcastic and constantly making jokes.
EMILY DESCHANEL Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars....
GEORGE MIKES He's always making jokes in meeting rooms and jokes on the field. Sometimes, he even talks to me whe...
ALAN BRANCH All my life, my immediate response to emotional pain has been to make jokes. Lots of jokes.
KAREN SALMANSOHN I don't look to jokes as a balanced look at life. But they can be an indicator. Jokes work on shared...
MARC GALANTER Even the gods love jokes.
PLATO Even the gods love jokes
PLATO I tell the most horrible jokes.
EMMANUELLE CHRIQUI My favorite moments are the moments everyone cries over. I see people in the audience crying, and I ...
DOUGLAS CARTER BEANE Nothing is a joke with me. It just all comes out like one.
LORRIE MOORE Most jokes state a bitter truth.
LARRY GELBART Most jokes state a bitter truth
LARRY GELBART It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.
RICK RIORDAN You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
DYLAN MORAN I've always been 'ethnic friend,' without any serious moments, all jokes.
AL MADRIGAL If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father.
MARY TODD LINCOLN The most fun I ever have is sitting in with Rick writing, and we laugh at our own jokes.
ADRIAN EDMONDSON Jokes that make other people laugh at the expense of others are not jokes. They're participated calu...
JOHN B. BEJO My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.
CARROT TOP I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.
TAHAR BEN JELLOUN If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.
BOB EDWARDS If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.
HELEN GIANGREGORIO Making jokes is about the most wrong and stupid thing a bemused, middle-aged, white heterosexual Ang...
MICHAEL LEUNIG I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.
MARILYN MONROE I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ...
KATHY GRIFFIN A woman, generally speaking, likes to hear the dirty jokes and loves to listen to plenty of talks ag...
ANUJ SOMANY I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making jokes about people who a...
MARIA SHRIVER There is not a racist bone in my dad's body. He doesn't even laugh at distasteful jokes.
ALAN WILSON "He started hating me, cause I couldn't laugh at his jokes. I just started finding it impossible to ...
BETH HENLEY I feel like comedy is where I'm most at ease, but I also have an allergy to silly jokes.
JONATHAN LEVINE The jokes are great but what really matters for a comedian is his performance, his whole attitude, a...
JACK DEE I have moments of darkness, of anger, and moments of rage. They do creep up at the most inopportune ...
K'NAAN Inspiration is the gift of those who have experienced life at its most defined moments.
SASHA AZEVEDO You can't just yell jokes at people.
DAVID CROSS The gift of life is present at every moment — even moments that seem insignificant or unpleasant.
BRYANT MCGILL Water jokes about the obstacles on its way; wise man jokes about the obstacles on his way!
MEHMET MURAT ILDAN Music is as integral to me as my own DNA. My life has become a continual soundtrack, with music unde...
DANIELLE DE NIESE I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you hav...
NOEL FIELDING I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.
MARILYN MONROE I want to be remembered for my poop jokes. Those are the most important kind.
ERIC ANDRE Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.
STELLA BENSON Family jokes, through rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive
STELLA BENSON Jokes are grievances.
MARSHALL MCLUHAN The fact that the vice president shot someone at close range is very interesting. It is easy to mock...
ALEX JONES A friend of mine jokes that I have a painstaking royalty complex. Like maybe I was a duke in a past ...
FRANK OCEAN I've heard all the jokes,
BRYAN ROBINSON I'm pretty goofy. I laugh at my own jokes.
ABBY WAMBACH 'Life Is Good' represents the most beautiful, dramatic and heavy moments in my life.
NAS The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
HENRY CATE The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
ROBERT FROST The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
HENRY CATE VII If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect speech.
ORLANDO A. BATTISTA A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are goin...
ALAN COREN I remain just one thing, and one thing only -- and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher p...
CHARLIE CHAPLIN A joke is a very serious thing
WINSTON CHURCHILL The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle mak...
STEPHEN WRIGHT Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy...
ISAAC ASIMOV I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde.
DOLLY PARTON You throw a perfectly straight line at the audience and then, right at the end, you curve it. Good ...
ABE BURROWS It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deed...
THOMAS AQUINAS The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded
GEORGE ORWELL I should see every script, I should make my comments and approve of jokes. I can't cringe at a show ...
CHRIS ROCK Now you hear a lot of jokes about Silent Cal Coolidge, ... but I think that the joke is on the peopl...
RONALD REAGAN I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes,
RAINN WILSON This show is a lot funnier and more outrageous. There are lots more jokes.
MARGARET CHO Swedes have jokes about Finns, but it goes both ways.
ANTTI LAAKSONEN Swedes may have jokes about Finns, but it goes both ways.
ANTTI LAAKSONEN You've got to lighten up because our lives are jokes, ... My whole idea is that we just have to acce...
JUDY CARTER I've always wondered, what am I going to do that's important with these stupid jokes that I tell,
RAY ROMANO My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, w...
EMO PHILIPS This is our lance. See, you're making me laugh about this now, because there have been a few jokes o...
KEVIN SORBO You never know where the jokes are going. That's what makes it so exciting. It's truly unpredictable...
MIKE BROWNSTEIN Joey enters wearing an elf costume. Chandler is in agony] Chandler: Too many jokes. Must mock Joey.
FRIENDS I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"
ROD SCHMIDT A civil servant doesn't make jokes
EUGENE IONESCO I started to make harder jokes before anyone else did. And the producers would get anxious. They'd s...
JOHN CLEESE He cannot bear old men's jokes. That is not new. But now he begins to think of them himself.
MAX FRISCH We put our two 4-year-old minds together and came up with some jokes that 8-year-olds would like.
JAY LENO People usually told him the same joke two or three times.
WALKER PERCY The primary form of harassment that we're seeing is actually non-contact: it tends to be remarks, ge...
ELENA SILVA You can come up with a million jokes.
CORY RAYMER This is a show without a laugh track. The rhythm's different. It's not the hard jokes that you write...
DARREN STAR This is a show without a laugh track, ... The rhythm's different. It's not the hard jokes that you w...
DARREN STAR He's a clown whenever he isn't pitching. He's always cracking jokes.
GREG BABINECZ I'm a big fan of Ang Lee (the movie's director), so I don't like all the jokes that are made about i...
GILBERT CHAVARRIA A number of the jokes were taken out of context or they were misunderstood,
GEORGE INNES I am (very) interactive. I was able to have a couple of jokes.
JAMES THORPE He was in a good mood, cracking jokes. We didn't talk much about (the shooting). We tried to get his...
LINAS KLEIZA One of the jokes is there's nothing quite as scary as a nasty beaver. Maybe it'll intimidate the oth...
JEFF PAIN The jokes are a little more left-of-center,
PAUL RUDD He that jokes confesses.
ITALIAN PROVERB Don't take life for granted or love ones for granted. Today may be the only time you have left to sm...
THERESA LEWIS We all crack jokes, and life is one of em.We just have to make it a good one, and not a pun, because...
JAMES MATHEWS GEORGE I love telling stories, telling jokes, making people laugh. I've got no plans to stop doing it.
DAVID ALAN BASCHE Nicolas Cage is the best for taking the role of character Joker. He is pretty damn good at jokes!
DEYTH BANGER Always laugh heartily at the jokes your boss tells, it maybe a loyalty test.
SOURCE UNKNOWN I think there are brilliant jokes to be made about abortion, and we should be able to talk about thi...
CAITLIN MORAN I prefer sayings over jokes.
ROBERT BALLARD I have to visualise my jokes, live my jokes, feel the audience because every audience is different. ...
RITA RUDNER

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ELIZABETH MCCRACKEN It's an amazing thing to watch a lizard fold a moth into its mouth, like a sword swallower who s...
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ELIZABETH MCCRACKEN I am not a therapy person, but I understand what therapy does. It's a way of translating dark th...
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ELIZABETH MCCRACKEN In general, I think people are worried about saying the wrong thing to any grieving person. On a ver...
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BERT MCCRACKEN Put your arm around the buddy next to you,
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BERT MCCRACKEN The biggest thing I've learned is that you only have one chance. You only have today to live-but you...
BERT MCCRACKEN It's way beautiful. Mountains, eight rivers within five minutes of my house, six ski resorts, a lake...
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CRAIG MCCRACKEN The storyboard artists job is to plan out shot for shot the whole show, write all the dialog, and de...
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CRAIG MCCRACKEN That song, for me, is about drugs and alcohol and loss and love. It's about being proud of who you a...
BERT MCCRACKEN Not enough are saving. They are afraid of the costs [associated with setting up and administering a ...
TODD MCCRACKEN I'm a geeky toy collector, and to have toys of your own characters is unbelievably cool.
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BOB MCCRACKEN The virus is going to spread in our own native birds and that's the challenge ahead of us.
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ELIZABETH ESTY The cloud never comes from the quarter of the horizon from which we watch for it.
ELIZABETH GASKELL When I first started talking about running for office, a lot of people said to me, 'Don't le...
ELIZABETH WARREN I'm a puzzle doer.
ELIZABETH EDWARDS A good night in is a series of documentaries.
ELIZABETH DEBICKI Repetition makes reputation and reputation makes customers.
ELIZABETH ARDEN If someone's dumb enough to offer me a million dollars to make a picture, I'm certainly not ...
ELIZABETH TAYLOR Everything makes me nervous - except making films.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed too - for being married so many times.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR Marriage is a great institution.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR I sweat real sweat and I shake real shakes.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR I suppose when they reach a certain age some men are afraid to grow up. It seems the older the men g...
ELIZABETH TAYLOR I really don't remember much about Cleopatra. There were a lot of other things going on.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR I've only slept with men I've been married to. How many women can make that claim?
ELIZABETH TAYLOR I have a woman's body and a child's emotions.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR I've been through it all, baby, I'm mother courage.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR So much to do, so little done, such things to be.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR You find out who your real friends are when you're involved in a scandal.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR It's not the having, it's the getting.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR I don't pretend to be an ordinary housewife.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR When people say, 'She's got everything', I've got one answer - I haven't had tom...
ELIZABETH TAYLOR I'm a survivor - a living example of what people can go through and survive.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR How easy it is to judge rightly after one sees what evil comes from judging wrongly!
ELIZABETH GASKELL Punishment is not for revenge, but to lessen crime and reform the criminal.
ELIZABETH FRY Comparison is a death knell to sibling harmony.
ELIZABETH FISHEL I typically enjoy a beautiful beach destination, as I find the water and sand to be the most repleni...
ELIZABETH BERKLEY The importance to the writer of first writing must be out of all proportion of the actual value of w...
ELIZABETH BOWEN I think the main thing, don't you, is to keep the show on the road.
ELIZABETH BOWEN Nobody speaks the truth when there is something they must have.
ELIZABETH BOWEN Who is ever adequate? We all create situations each other can't live up to, then break our heart...
ELIZABETH BOWEN Education is not so important as people think.
ELIZABETH BOWEN Never to lie is to have no lock on your door, you are never wholly alone.
ELIZABETH BOWEN Fantasy is toxic: the private cruelty and the world war both have their start in the heated brain.
ELIZABETH BOWEN Experience isn't interesting until it begins to repeat itself. In fact, till it does that, it ha...
ELIZABETH BOWEN Nothing can happen nowhere. The locale of the happening always colours the happening, and often, to ...
ELIZABETH BOWEN Mechanical difficulties with language are the outcome of internal difficulties with thought.
ELIZABETH BOWEN Silences have a climax, when you have got to speak.
ELIZABETH BOWEN We are minor in everything but our passions.
ELIZABETH BOWEN The wish to lead out one's lover must be a tribal feeling; the wish to be seen as loved is part ...
ELIZABETH BOWEN Intimacies between women often go backwards, beginning in revelations and ending in small talk.
ELIZABETH BOWEN It is not helpful to help a friend by putting coins in his pockets when he has got holes in his pock...
ELIZABETH BOWEN Illusions are art, for the feeling person, and it is by art that we live, if we do.
ELIZABETH BOWEN One can live in the shadow of an idea without grasping it.
ELIZABETH BOWEN Art is one thing that can go on mattering once it has stopped hurting.
ELIZABETH BOWEN No object is mysterious. The mystery is your eye.
ELIZABETH BOWEN If I'm writing something and I'm not feeling mischievous, then I know it's not going to ...
ELIZABETH MERIWETHER It touched me to be trusted with something terrible.
ELIZABETH KOSTOVA The lower Farmington River and Salmon Brook are unparalleled natural treasures with some of the high...
ELIZABETH ESTY Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversation.
ELIZABETH DREW Travel, instead of broadening the mind, often merely lengthens the conversation.
ELIZABETH DREW My God, I have so much bounty in my life.
ELIZABETH MARVEL We have the opportunity and the responsibility to lead our country to a better and brighter future, ...
ELIZABETH ESTY I've been through it all, baby, I'm mother courage.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR It's not the having, it's the getting.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR I grew up in the Methodist church and taught Sunday school, and one of my favorite passages of scrip...
ELIZABETH WARREN I don't want to live in Maine full time, but the physical beauty is very striking. It is the exa...
ELIZABETH STROUT Hard to be a physics major at Rice University if you have flunked calculus.
ELIZABETH MOON My first degree came years before my second. I had wanted to be a physicist, but I flunked calculus.
ELIZABETH MOON Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it's less good than the one you had before. You ca...
ELIZABETH EDWARDS Some of these biggest financial institutions are out there trading in commodities. They're buyin...
ELIZABETH WARREN The federal government secures the border; Californians decide how we want to treat our population. ...
ELIZABETH EMKEN I don't connect to a certain girliness or talking about girly things - I feel unauthentic and un...
ELIZABETH REASER The most dangerous cancer cells are actually the ones that are more like stem cells, which have this...
ELIZABETH BLACKBURN We and other groups are seeing clear statistical links between telomere shortness and risk for a var...
ELIZABETH BLACKBURN The broken consumer credit market had to be repaired by making sure that consumers had the right inf...
ELIZABETH WARREN Clearly, we are courting tragedy by turning a blind eye to marketing gimmicks plainly intended to tu...
ELIZABETH ESTY I just want to keep writing characters who are interesting and complicated people and interesting ro...
ELIZABETH MERIWETHER The continent did not appeal: France was filled with irritating people; Spain was corrupt and unstab...
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ELIZABETH BERKLEY I'll not listen to reason. . . . Reason always means what someone else has got to say.
ELIZABETH GASKELL The world is not run by thought, nor by imagination, but by opinion.
ELIZABETH DREW The torment of human frustration, whatever its immediate cause, is the knowledge that the self is in...
ELIZABETH DREW As a historian, I have learned that, in fact, not everyone who reaches back into history can survive...
ELIZABETH KOSTOVA To be sure a stepmother to a girl is a different thing to a second wife to a man!
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ELIZABETH HARDWICK Thus, you see, he arrived at the same end, via supposed duty, that he was previously pledged to via ...
ELIZABETH GASKELL I'll not listen to reason... reason always means what someone else has got to say.
ELIZABETH GASKELL Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngster...
ELIZABETH II If we could simply live in the light of our bodies being temples of the Holy Spirit, our daily life ...
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my world just...
ELIZABETH KAY You're not standing on your head! Have a cookie. - Grimspite in Jinx on the Divide
ELIZABETH KAY Breast cancer is being detected at an earlier, more treatable stage these days, largely because wome...
ELIZABETH HURLEY Minds ripen at very different ages.
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ELIZABETH GILLIES You find out who your real friends are when you're involved in a scandal.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR If someone's dumb enough to offer me a million dollars to make a picture, I'm certainly not dumb eno...
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ELIZABETH BOWEN Some people are molded by their admirations, others by their hostilities.
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ELIZABETH BOWEN The charm, one might say the genius of memory, is that it is choosy, chancy, and temperamental: it...
ELIZABETH BOWEN The laughter of adults was always very different from the laughter of children. The former indicate...
ELIZABETH HARDWICK Sometimes serendipity is just intention unmasked.
ELIZABETH BERG Says Momma: “I got handed lemons, too, y’know but I learned how to make lemonade with them… No...
ELIZABETH FLOCK People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities. Who wouldn...
ELIZABETH GILBERT You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. T...
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ELIZABETH GILBERT The thing about hearts is that they always want to keep beating
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ELIZABETH GILBERT The King once said to me, 'Harold, you stand above all other men.' I said, 'No, Sire. I want nothing...
ELIZABETH ALDER You’re wishin’ too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta ...
ELIZABETH GILBERT To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border o...
ELIZABETH GILBERT Someday you're gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You'll ...
ELIZABETH GILBERT Her romances often seemed like dalliances; she enjoyed male company and blossomed in its presence, b...
ELIZABETH WINDER I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and w...
ELIZABETH GILBERT But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilling...
ELIZABETH GILBERT Sometimes life is too hard to be alone, and sometimes life is too good to be alone.
ELIZABETH GILBERT Instructions for freedom":
1. Life's metaphors are God's instructions.
2. You have just cl...
ELIZABETH GILBERT Even someone you've inhabited rooms with, and seen naked everyday, seen sitting on the toilet throug...
ELIZABETH KOSTOVA The day is ending. It's time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is be...
ELIZABETH GILBERT At some point, you gotta let go, and sit still, and allow contentment to come to you.
ELIZABETH GILBERT One must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation.
ELIZABETH GILBERT The Bhagavad Gita—that ancient Indian Yogic text—says that it is better to live your own destiny...
ELIZABETH GILBERT How easy it is to judge rightly after one sees what evil comes from judging wrongly.
ELIZABETH GASKELL Mary Queen of Scots had a little dog, a Skye terrier, that was devoted to her. Moments after Mary wa...
ELIZABETH WEIN