Joel sat back in his chair and laughed at what seemed to be an inside joke, one in which I wanted very much to be let in on. An amiable smile stretched across his lips quoted by perfect dimples. I stared at him wanting nothing more than to indulge myself in that smile.

So, how is it that you don’t have a girlfriend?” I asked boldly.
Joel shrugged.
“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” There was no way that he’d never had a girlfriend.
He shrugged again.
“You’re not serious.”
“You’re surprised?”
“I’m sorry, do you own a mirror?”
Joel laughed in that I’ll-never-understand-women kind of way. “I’ve never wanted one,” he admitted, though it seemed that there was more to it.
“What? A mirror? Or a girlfriend?”
He laughed again, even harder this time. “A girlfriend.”
“Are you gay?”
He smiled. “No, I’m not gay.”
“Oh.” I blushed. Why was I being so nosy all of a sudden?

I was investing more and more of myself into an outcome I couldn’t predict and would very likely be disappointed by. But for me there was no other option.

The thirst we shared for one another made it clear that the distraction would only come from deprivation. Charlotte was always on my mind. In my dreams, her name balancing fatally on my lips at all times, the scent of her drove me on through my everyday tasks. It was in denying myself of her soft skin and intoxicating presence that I truly began to lose touch.

I knew that she couldn’t hear me if she was there. But the sound was enough to grab me, to hold me to hope, and with desperation that I’d never known before I knew that I must find my way back to her.

I pulled my chair up to the table and Alex sat down, following suit, unable to guard a smile from breaking onto his lips. He was handsome; I had to give him that. His hair was perfectly gelled and his face was smooth and free of stubble. I could even detect the scent of cologne, something I knew him to rarely wear.
“I didn’t expect you to show up,” he admitted.
“Then why’d you invite me?” I hoped that I hadn’t sounded rude.
He chuckled and tucked his napkin into his lap. I did the same. “I guess I’m just a glutton for punishment.