I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.