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I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o clock.


Henny Youngman

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I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock
HENRY YOUNGMAN I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4 today.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop. -Henny Youngman.
HENNY YOUNGMAN We usually never got out of there before four or five o'clock in the morning. Every morning. So ...
CAB CALLOWAY I immediately said to myself Ive got to do something, ... Ive got to help as many as I can. I am not...
AMY COLLINS O: Hey youngman, you should respect me! Y: Hey oldman, you should understand me!
TOBA BETA O: Hey youngman, you should respect me!
Y: Hey oldman, you should understand me!
TOBA BETA LOVE is only-(L)ive (O)ut positi(VE) or (L)ots (O)f +VE
ANUJ SOMANY If I ever need something, if I'm ever in a desperate situation, I've got to call this guy [pointing ...
DANILO PINNOCK Hes the smartest dog Ive ever had,
PETER GOULD I dont believe in luck. Ive only ever felt lucky finding God and even that was not by chance.
MEG NEZAJ And wisely tell what hour o' th' day The clock does strike by Algebra.
SAMUEL BUTLER (1) One thing that I tell people all the time is, 'I'm not going to answer a call from you after...
BRENE BROWN If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.
HENNY YOUNGMAN She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
HENNY YOUNGMAN You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he salute...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another si...
HENNY YOUNGMAN That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
HENNY YOUNGMAN I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He g...
HENNY YOUNGMAN How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
HENNY YOUNGMAN Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
HENNY YOUNGMAN When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as w...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little a...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
HENNY YOUNGMAN When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up -- they have no holidays.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If your going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for in the morning, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENNY YOUNGMAN There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a litt...
HENNY YOUNGMAN The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one t...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week...
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep lat...
HENNY YOUNGMAN This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
HENNY YOUNGMAN My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENNY YOUNGMAN You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
HENNY YOUNGMAN While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The patient says "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"
HENNY YOUNGMAN She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
HENNY YOUNGMAN This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet fi...
HENNY YOUNGMAN This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
HENNY YOUNGMAN A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
HENNY YOUNGMAN She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says "Limp!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Ştii ce înseamnă să vii acasă seara la o femeie care să îţi ofere dragoste, afecţiune şi u...
HENNY YOUNGMAN What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angele...
HENNY YOUNGMAN How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said "Cough!"
HENNY YOUNGMAN This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Take my wife... Please!
HENNY YOUNGMAN I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I think we?d be comfortable putting the show on at 9 o?clock. It feels like a solid 9 o?clock show i...
CAROLYN STRAUSS We've got four outside hitters, and probably all four of them need to be on the court, and I can't h...
KAREN CHISUM I'm 5 o'clock lightning, for sure.
DREW POMERANZ I don't make deals for the money. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever need. I do it to do it.
DONALD TRUMP Voluptuaries, consumed by their senses, always begin by flinging themselves with a great display of ...
SIDONIE GABRIELLE COLETTE Voluptuaries, consumed by their senses, always begin by flinging themselves with a great display of ...
SIDONIE GABRIELLE COLETTE Voluptuaries, consumed by their senses, always begin by flinging themselves with a great display of ...
SIDONIE GABRIELLE COLETTE I open with a clock striking, to beget an awful attention in the audience -- it also marks the time,...
RICHARD BRINSLEY SHERIDAN Wherever I am, I start my day, it's the same. I'm not an early bird. I'm not waking up a...
ROUSTAM TARIKO I need some money. You got any money?
DANIEL NEGREANU Why should I wake when I'm half past dead?
EMILIE AUTUMN O Virgins, sacrosanct, if I have ever, for your sake, suffered vigils,cold,, and hunger, great need ...
DANTE ALIGHIERI As a novelist, I'm incredibly lucky to make a living, but that doesn't mean that I don't...
DAVID NICHOLLS Whether it's eight o'clock in the morning or eight o'clock at night, I always try to gre...
ZIG ZIGLAR

More Henny Youngman

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.
HENNY YOUNGMAN She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
HENNY YOUNGMAN You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he salute...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another si...
HENNY YOUNGMAN That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
HENNY YOUNGMAN I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He g...
HENNY YOUNGMAN How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
HENNY YOUNGMAN Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
HENNY YOUNGMAN When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as w...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little a...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
HENNY YOUNGMAN When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up -- they have no holidays.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If your going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for in the morning, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENNY YOUNGMAN There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a litt...
HENNY YOUNGMAN The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one t...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week...
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep lat...
HENNY YOUNGMAN This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
HENNY YOUNGMAN My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENNY YOUNGMAN You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
HENNY YOUNGMAN While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4 today.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop. -Henny Youngman.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The patient says "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"
HENNY YOUNGMAN She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
HENNY YOUNGMAN This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet fi...
HENNY YOUNGMAN This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
HENNY YOUNGMAN A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
HENNY YOUNGMAN She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says "Limp!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Ştii ce înseamnă să vii acasă seara la o femeie care să îţi ofere dragoste, afecţiune şi u...
HENNY YOUNGMAN What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angele...
HENNY YOUNGMAN How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said "Cough!"
HENNY YOUNGMAN This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Take my wife... Please!
HENNY YOUNGMAN I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
HENRY YOUNGMAN I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
HENRY YOUNGMAN Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little a...
HENRY YOUNGMAN I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back
HENRY YOUNGMAN If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving.
HENRY YOUNGMAN I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock
HENRY YOUNGMAN When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say
HENRY YOUNGMAN My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENRY YOUNGMAN While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
HENRY YOUNGMAN A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
HENRY YOUNGMAN My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
HENRY YOUNGMAN When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
HENRY YOUNGMAN I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
HENRY YOUNGMAN When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
HENRY YOUNGMAN My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
HENRY YOUNGMAN You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
HENRY YOUNGMAN Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week...
HENRY YOUNGMAN I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
HENRY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
HENRY YOUNGMAN Take my wife . . . . Please!
HENRY YOUNGMAN