It's like she's had two caesarians and a lobotomy.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

I don't judge others. I say if you feel good with what you're doing, let your freak flag fly.

I tell my friends married life is boring, but that's just a fun thing to say to make single people feel better.

When men attempt bold gestures, generally it's considered romantic. When women do it, it's often considered desperate or psycho.

You can't be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit.