In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.

America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.

It's official. Highway patrolmen are not susceptible to the Jedi Mind Trick.

Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.

The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book.

Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.