I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Don't believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they're sweet doesn't mean they're right.

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!"

Dear auto-correct, that's not what I was trying to say. I'm getting tired of your shirt.

If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.