I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.


Anonymous

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Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
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Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.
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Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!
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I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.
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I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition.
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What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
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Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
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Rudeness top moment: to scare an ostrich on an asphalt street.
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An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.
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My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."
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Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face.
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You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar.
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Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
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It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase al...
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If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patte...
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Whenever you feel stupid, remember that there are people outside searching for Pokemon.
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Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
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