If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat).

Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants

Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled napkin, and take that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.