If I'm going to Hell... It's Party Time.

How can I trust God? He dropped me into a dark hole in the ground and told me to dig myself out. Luckily, he dropped my friends into the same hole.

Running is for people that can't manage their time well enough to walk somewhere.

If scientists seriously think natural selection applies to humans, they haven't been in high school in a long time.

Parents make really bad therapists.

As I got older, I became so self conscious about my birthmark that I was very hesitant about going to a pool party, because I didn't want my makeup to rub off.