I'm really terrible with small children; they're small, noisy, irritating, damp and soggy.

Woe to the man who offends a small child!

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Well, I've got two small children and this is a very important time for me to be around them.

In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.

Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house.