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I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.


Norm MacDonald

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JERRY LEWIS Anna Scott: Can I stay for a while?
William: You can stay forever.
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MADISON PETTIS Don't believe the hype. I don't care how many number ones you have at the box office, I don&...
TYLER PERRY I think whenever you love something or somebody it means that you have to extend yourself, you have ...
NAOMI SHIHAB NYE I tend to stay in character between scenes... to be rather serious on set, but here's why, and I...
CHRISTIAN BALE If you love something, you have to stay really focused and can't let outside things distract you...
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ALAINA HUFFMAN My normal life is, I love to travel and I travel as often as I can. I don't stay in one place to...
ALEXA DAVALOS Nostalgia is when you want things to stay the same. I know so many people staying in the same place.
JEANNE MOREAU I'm not trying to stay in the same place and I'm not trying to compete with what's curre...
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FELIX HERNANDEZ We got ratings. It isn't that they won't quarrel with you, or say you're always right. B...
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MING-NA WEN So many times, people want you to stay the way you were, be as you were before because they want to ...
MAXWELL Dyeing my hair has become a kind of addiction. I can't see myself as anything other than blond. ...
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Are you...
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OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN II I think people are transient. Back in the early church, there was a 'stick and stay' mentali...
MARVIN SAPP There is a definite loneliness in the game. Most people stay away from you since they think they'...
LOU BROCK I can't stay away from Chinese food. I really love that stuff.
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TERRY ZWIGOFF When you're in a play like 'Kean,' you can't think of anything else. Love is too tim...
JEAN-PAUL BELMONDO I think it's really important to stay active, even when you're very busy. I know it can get ...
JENNETTE MCCURDY I think it would collapse my heart if I was super famous. I don't have the nerve for it, I'm...
BO BURNHAM But I think it's more that when you're young, you're invincible, you're immortal - o...
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GILBERT GOTTFRIED

More Norm MacDonald

My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So ...
NORM MACDONALD I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.
NORM MACDONALD I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae...
NORM MACDONALD All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about ...
NORM MACDONALD I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
NORM MACDONALD I miss seeing real comics, Shecky Greene and Buddy Hackett, those types. I like straight stand-up, t...
NORM MACDONALD I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he&...
NORM MACDONALD Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can ...
NORM MACDONALD I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends abou...
NORM MACDONALD I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have...
NORM MACDONALD Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, tha...
NORM MACDONALD I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do r...
NORM MACDONALD I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
NORM MACDONALD When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, w...
NORM MACDONALD I didn't really want to inject myself into anything political. A lot of people were asking me at...
NORM MACDONALD I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on Late Night. We just had a ...
NORM MACDONALD Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can ...
NORM MACDONALD I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls...
NORM MACDONALD I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love...
NORM MACDONALD I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that.
NORM MACDONALD In theatres, you're kind of disconnected. Also, it's way too big for the likes of me. Unless...
NORM MACDONALD It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go...
NORM MACDONALD There are these showcase clubs where 14 guys will go on in a row and people are laughing at everythi...
NORM MACDONALD When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't sma...
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NORM CROSBY Let me be clear, the discussions about Social Security are not about the retirement security of thos...
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NORM CROSBY When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart...
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NORM CROSBY Old is when people compliment your alligator shoes, and you're not wearing any.
NORM CROSBY I don't ever remember overcoming adversities.
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NORM CROSBY Last year, Congress gave the Department of Defense the authority to design a new civilian personnel ...
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NORM COLEMAN (Woody) "What's up Mr Peterson?" (Norm) "My Nipples, It's 30 degrees outside..."
NORM PETERSON There are many that claim "I am a Christian" but never have been transformed by The Holy Spirit. The...
NORM TOMLINSON These subsidies from four European governments, which include aircraft launch assistance, capital in...
NORM DICKS UPS understands it is not part of the probe.
NORM BLACK Which Lord do you worship? The lord of the money tree or the Lord that was nailed to a tree? The gos...
NORM TOMLINSON I am nothing more than a wretched man that needs God's mercy and grace. I am redeemed by the blood o...
NORM TOMLINSON I was the first spokesperson for the Better Hearing Institute in Washington. And that's the mess...
NORM CROSBY The surfaces on here aren't as hard or as impervious to scratching and damage as the commercial ones...
NORM NICHOLS You don't become a Christian by chance, God calls you because He already determined it. You really t...
NORM TOMLINSON Literally, I have had them walk in here with a 50 or a 30 gallon trash can half full of water with c...
NORM NICHOLS It's almost like thinking of twins.
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NORM MILLER What I did was sit down with the Washington State officials, with the historic preservation people, ...
NORM DICKS We are also working on the restoration of salmon runs, and we are doing a new process of mass markin...
NORM DICKS One word for those who repent and trust in Christ... SALVATION!!!!!
NORM TOMLINSON I am deeply troubled about your emphatic denials ....
NORM COLEMAN You get paid more at McDonald's than you do under the existing minimum wage.
NORM COLEMAN My concern is the integrity of the process, respect for the Senate and the subcommittee. So it's rea...
NORM COLEMAN The findings from this review, I hope, will provide Congress with the requisite information to make ...
NORM COLEMAN The Pell Grant is more than a financial aid program for college students in need. It is the right th...
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NORM BRUNSWIG Dear athiests, The Lord God is still God no matter what you say or believe. You will still bow down ...
NORM TOMLINSON We don't have the resources to sue everybody.
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NORM CROSBY The system is broken, worthless.
NORM MATLOFF That was exasperating, to see this matter trivialized like that,
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NORM SCHERSTROM When the American government turned it's back on God; it turned it's back on the forefathers and ver...
NORM TOMLINSON Was lost but now I'm found... God predestined to save His lost; not us freely choosing Christ.. Salv...
NORM TOMLINSON Repentance is necessary because it shows the person how evil their sin is. True repentance leads to ...
NORM TOMLINSON How can anyone truly claim to be a Christian without one act of repentance?
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NORM TOMLINSON Racism, unfortunately still exists and may always exist because of sin. We all bleed the same color,...
NORM TOMLINSON You are my Lord and King; You are my sovereign and graceful God. What I have You graciously gave me,...
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NORM TOMLINSON A random act of kindness goes a long way.
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NORM TOMLINSON If atheists don't believe in God then why do they keep attacking Him?
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NORM TOMLINSON A nation without the Gospel of Jesus Christ is a nation in chaos.
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NORM TOMLINSON My Lord and Savior Jesus, because of my wickedness and wretched ways I deserve hell. You saved me fr...
NORM TOMLINSON What's wrong with America? You have people that don't agree with the death penalty but it's okay to ...
NORM TOMLINSON The wickedness of the secular agenda is destroying this country.
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NORM TOMLINSON Christian faith doesn't come naturally to a person, God must give the faith to the person.
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NORM COLEMAN Everyone thinks I've been offered all these job opportunities. There's only been one job offer I tur...
NORM CHOW Mankind will never be good enough to "choose" Jesus as Saviour. It takes the mercy and grace of God ...
NORM TOMLINSON Let it be the Will of God not the will of man.
NORM TOMLINSON I think he's going to fall back on what he didn't want to do, what he swore he wouldn't do, but almo...
NORM ORNSTEIN What is wrong with America? When we idolize false gods and other things rather than worshipping the ...
NORM TOMLINSON It is said that God has a passive wrath and a full wrath. I believe America under God's passive wrat...
NORM TOMLINSON He's putting a marker down that an awful lot of his colleagues have been unwilling to do.
NORM ORNSTEIN There is a real opportunity right now as parents and grandparents to come up with a plan that leaves...
NORM COLEMAN So when people go to the park this summer, they are not going to have the same quality of a visit. T...
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NORM HAYTER We do not have any accounts of the suspect getting into an automobile or hopping on a boat,
NORM STAMPER Everybody's an expert, and everybody's got an opinion. It takes a lot of calm heads and negotiations...
NORM JARVIS Unforgiveness tortures the soul and destroys the heart.
NORM TOMLINSON The Bonaparte has a thin, black bill. The Franklin has a dark red bill.
NORM LANTZ I think we can extend MILC and do reconciliation in a way that has little or no impact on other impo...
NORM COLEMAN It hurts to lose. What we did, the things I didn't want to see us do, stay out of the box, and that'...
NORM GAGNE We had our chances in the first five minutes to win the game, and we didn't bury them. That whole ga...
NORM GAGNE I told the kids that it is playoff time now and I believe that it is not always the most-talented te...
NORM GAGNE He told me he just got pushed into the middle. He didn't mean to be there.
NORM GAGNE Why do people blame God for the bad things that happen or ask "where was God when you needed Him"? W...
NORM TOMLINSON I am a wretched sinner that is made righteous by a merciful God and Savior. His blood shed for me ev...
NORM TOMLINSON Everyday I see today's secular churches wanting to please people. A true church should only want to ...
NORM TOMLINSON When you go this long, you've got to grit it out. That's what it's all about. You've got to grit it ...
NORM GAGNE Only the Shepherd's sheep hears His voice and seeks Him.
NORM TOMLINSON The heart of mankind is evil and wicked; it takes the Holy Spirit to change it.
NORM TOMLINSON When he came to me wanting to do something in astronomy, I got excited. Astronomy is my first love i...
NORM NEGUS Man's trust in his good works, self righteousness and salvation only lands him in hell.
NORM TOMLINSON A Christian's faith in Christ is not of their own but given to the Christian by an Almighty God.
NORM TOMLINSON The heart of the gospel is redemption, and the essence of redemption is the substitutionary sacrific...
NORM TOMLINSON When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart ...
NORM CROSBY We patched it up with chewing gum and Scotch tape.
NORM HEWITT The truth in Calvin's theology helps a man understand God's grace.
NORM TOMLINSON Women, Can't live with 'em, Pass the beer nuts.
NORM PETERSON Oil-for-food shows the need for reform. There was fraud, corruption, mismanagement,
NORM COLEMAN [Leinart acknowledged before summer camp began that he was] upset ... The good thing about this year...
NORM CHOW This is being brought up for partisan political reasons, and it's not a serious attempt to pass it,
NORM DICKS It's going to be impossible to replace Brandon Ward. We think Gabe (Willey) can fill in very nicely ...
NORM BRUEMMER I would rather be trampled by raging elephants than see the full wrath of my God. My repentance from...
NORM TOMLINSON Without Christ's resurrection there would be no hope and no eternal life. All that Christians believ...
NORM TOMLINSON We made the plays when we needed to, and Tiffany buckled down when she needed to.
NORM BOYLES The game goes so fast. We essentially had the ball eight times. In college, you're looking at 12, 14...
NORM CHOW There will be some things that are different that all college coaches go through when they get to th...
NORM CHOW Hey, I copied every play I ever learned from guys who are a lot smarter than I am.
NORM CHOW This guy's a little bit special. This guy's a little different.
NORM CHOW The guy's one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL. To tie him up and say he just has to do what we e...
NORM CHOW Believe me, Southern Cal is going to be just fine, and Matt's going to be just fine, ... I wasn't th...
NORM CHOW Steve will have more freedom to audible. Why not? The guy's been in the league 10 years.
NORM CHOW I think coordinators have always done the same stuff. Every play I've run, I've copied. ... Maybe it...
NORM CHOW They've got so much athletic ability. They can go outside and pressure the ball. Not too many teams ...
NORM ROBERTS The American people are going to judge the majority party here today. If they go out here and vote f...
NORM DICKS Every city you go to has television and radio talk shows that are dying to give young comics a showc...
NORM CROSBY I've been on the 'Tonight Show' a million times, and I'd be embarrassed to do the sa...
NORM CROSBY America has a strategic interest in continuing to welcome international students at our colleges, un...
NORM COLEMAN We don't have any details on this investigation. Our understanding is it does not involve UPS.
NORM BLACK This winter is a blessing for the wine and grape growing industry.
NORM BEAL The concrete for the ramps has been poured to provide an ADA-compliant slope and the landscaping wil...
NORM CHAMBERS America has a strategic interest in continuing to welcome international students at our colleges, un...
NORM COLEMAN I told the guys (other assistants), 'If you think of something, write it down, because I'm not going...
NORM CHOW This would have been a nice thing to have, but hey, the commission overwhelmingly decided the secret...
NORM DICKS This is not a real aggressive move by the government to do anything.
NORM EHRLICH I think we can run and get to the football. Last year five of the seven games we lost we were ahead....
NORM EASH These are three huge projects that are going to have a huge impact.
NORM LUPPINO He was ?Mr. Racing' in Medina.
NORM KRUEGER It wasn't my time, but had I died, I wouldn't have known about it.
NORM MANSFIELD giving aid and comfort to their adversaries.
NORM ORNSTEIN I think it's a perfect age for them to do an investigation . . . that's unique to them and not a c...
NORM NEGUS I haven't sent anyone out that door yet without a smile.
NORM ROSENDALE We got frustrated. Duke does that to you. We tried to keep our composure, but we're a young team and...
NORM ROBERTS Sometimes the other team is better than you.
NORM PRICE It's going to be great. You're going to have those new bridges. You'll be going underneath the new b...
NORM WIGINGTON We writers, as we work our way deeper into our craft, learn to drop more and more personal clues. Li...
ROSS MACDONALD I'm also interested in creating a lasting legacy for collectors because bronze will last for tho...
RICHARD MACDONALD Certainly work is not always required of a man. There is such a thing as a sacred idleness - the c...
GEORGE MACDONALD But for money and the need of it, there would not be half the friendship in the world. It is powerfu...
GEORGE MACDONALD Do the things you know, and you shall learn the truth you need to know.
GEORGE MACDONALD Certainly work is not always required of a man. There is such a thing as a sacred idleness, the cult...
GEORGE MACDONALD To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
GEORGE MACDONALD You can't live on amusement. It is the froth on water -- an inch deep and then the mud.
GEORGE MACDONALD The best preparation for the future is the present well seen to, and the last duty done.
GEORGE MACDONALD God left the world unfinished for man to work his skill upon. He left the electricity still in the c...
GEORGE MACDONALD To have what we want is riches; but to be able to do without is power.
GEORGE MACDONALD The principal part of faith is patience.
GEORGE MACDONALD Nothing makes one feel so strong as a call for help.
GEORGE MACDONALD I find that doing of the will of God leaves me no time for disputing about His plans.
GEORGE MACDONALD