All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.

I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.

I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.

There are these showcase clubs where 14 guys will go on in a row and people are laughing at everything, and I'm like - 'I can't laugh that much. That's so weird to me.'

I didn't really want to inject myself into anything political. A lot of people were asking me at the time about Jay and Conan, and I hate doing anything serious.

I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it.