FastSaying

I would like to make a toast to lying, stealing, cheating and drinking. If you're going to lie, lie for a friend. If you're going to steal, steal a heart. If your going to cheat, cheat death. And if you're going to drink, drink with me.


Anonymous Toast

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IF" - I lie I am going to add the best features... the peoplea around = features will be taken to bu...
DEYTH BANGER I lie, I cheat, and I steal.
EDDIE GUERRERO If you have to lie, cheat, steal, obstruct and bully to get your point across, it must not be a poin...
STEVEN WEBER Gamble, cheat, lie, and steal. Let me explain: Gamble for your best shot in life - dare to take risk...
CAITLYN JENNER If we all took a minute to reflect upon the wrong we do we would be quite surprised or shocked.Inste...
GARY F EVANS... We create an environment where it is alright to hate, to steal, to cheat, and to lie if we dress it ...
WHITNEY MOORE, JR. How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful.
EVANS G. VALENS Never lie, never cheat, never steal.
JOHN WOODEN The market is still waiting for HSBC results, which will have a big impact on the direction of the m...
ANDREW TO Property shares had a technical rebound, but interest rate concerns will still affect properties unt...
ANDREW TO Bank of China's results were quite good; double-digit growth can be taken as good results for a bank...
ANDREW TO The index tried to challenge 18,000 but failed, so that triggered profit taking. Tokyo's slide also ...
ANDREW TO Trading seems to be focusing on selective counters because investors are cautious amid interest rate...
ANDREW TO We're seeing a minor technical rebound after Wall Street rebounded from two days of losses. The key ...
ANDREW TO Some investors have returned to pick up the stock at bargain prices.
ANDREW TO I think the take-up for the placement is not too good and other property developers may be discourag...
ANDREW TO We are afraid that our freedoms and liberties will be infringed in the future.
ANDREW TO I think there was some minor selling pressure on telecom stocks as the market continued to see a wea...
ANDREW TO A Ritual to Read to Each Other


If you don’t know the kind of person I am
and...
WILLIAM STAFFORD If youre in an awkward position, feel comfortable enough to walk away.
BEAU MIRCHOFF Eventually I came across another passage. This is what it said:
I am not commanding you, but I ...
NICHOLAS SPARKS To kill a mockingbird. If you haven't read it, I think you should because it is very interesting.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I will never forget the vision of Jamie walking towards me.
NICHOLAS SPARKS As these images were going through my head, my breathing suddenly went still. I looked at Jamie, the...
NICHOLAS SPARKS You don't have to learn much out of books, it's like if you want to learn about cows, you go milk on...
HARPER LEE You can't really get to know a person until you get in their shoes and walk around in them.
HARPER LEE Mes poumons sont remplis de l'air pur mon esprit est ouvert et libéré, la sérénité remplit tous...
JACOB MAHURIEN I have to have a cheat day. I know when I'm being good all week long that come Sunday, I'm g...
KALEY CUOCO If you have to lie, cheat, and steal, you're just not doing it right, ... My career is a model of to...
DONALD TRUMP I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back's turned you wait in line?
DR. GREGORY HOUSE So this is going to be drill!?
DEYTH BANGER You don't have to lie, cheat, trample or steal to get what you want out of life.
JEFFREY BENJAMIN If you'll lie you'll steal and if you'll steal you'll kill.
AFRICAN-AMERICAN PROVERB Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is nev...
A WALK TO REMEMBER Drinking tea with a pinch of imagination!
50 WAYS TO DRINK TEA Yeah, I did lie and cheat and steal my way through this, but that's 'Survivor,'
IAN ROSENBERGER Lᴏᴠᴇ ɪs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪɴᴅ ... Yᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ sᴇᴇ ɪᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏ...
NICHOLAS SPARKS She filed the image away as an excellent and insulting question to ask the earl at an utterly inappr...
GAIL CARRIGER Don't lie to yourself?
SONYA.E.WILLIAMS Yes, their reasons are overwhelming. They are as big as hope and as deep as revolt. They are the rea...
ALBERT CAMUS …A city deprived of everything, devoid of light and devoid of heat, starved, and still not crushed...
ALBERT CAMUS Words always take on the color of the deeds or sacrifices they evoke.
ALBERT CAMUS We have to keep a good frame of mind and not overlook La Villa. Anytime you do that, youre going to ...
HECTOR GARCIA If you allow your enemy to steal your faith, he can destroy your life and ultimately kill your relat...
CRAIG GROESCHEL If you had a friend you refused to talk to, eventually you couldn't keep calling that person a frien...
CRAIG GROESCHEL When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife's right to a husband, rob his children of ...
KHALED HOSSEINI Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition.
UNKNOWN If you start with the assumption that people go to church to steal from the offering plate, you'd ma...
ANDY HERNANDEZ We are born different to make a difference.
LISA R. REYNOLDS I'm always going to love my father.
FLOYD MAYWEATHER, JR. People just buy enough for everybody to do a toast. It's not something they seem to drink all evenin...
CHARLIE LARGE People just buy enough for everybody to do a toast. It's not something they seem to drink all evenin...
CHARLIE LARGE There's nothing wrong with material things as long as you don't lie, cheat and steal.
BIKRAM CHOUDHURY if youre never scared, or embarased, or hurt, it means you never take any chances.
JULIA SOREL If somebody is an experienced car thief and they want to steal your car, they're probably going to g...
SEAN COMEY This land on which so many centuries have left their mark is merely an obligatory retreat for you, w...
ALBERT CAMUS And despite the clamors and the violence, we tried to preserve in our hearts the memory of a happy s...
ALBERT CAMUS And for five years it was no longer possible to enjoy the call of birds in the cool of the evening. ...
ALBERT CAMUS You never believed in the meaning of this world, and you therefore deduced the idea that everything ...
ALBERT CAMUS The hopeless hope is what sustains us in difficult moments; our comrades will be more patient than t...
ALBERT CAMUS …Having been, not only mutilated in our country, wounded in our very flesh, but also divested of o...
ALBERT CAMUS For all those landscapes, those flowers and those plowed fields, the oldest of lands, show you every...
ALBERT CAMUS In raining bullets on those silent faces, already turned away from this world, you think you are dis...
ALBERT CAMUS There are just some kind of men who-who're so busy worrying about the next world they've never learn...
HARPER LEE The role of the Christian is to let other people know what Jesus has done, not to think of themselve...
LEWIS N. ROE Naturalistic atheism debunks itself. It has no power to explain even some of the most basic principl...
LEWIS N. ROE It's important to understand that if someone calls themselves a Christian, it does not automatically...
LEWIS N. ROE A coin is examined, and only after careful deliberation, given to a beggar, whereas a child is flung...
PETER WESSEL ZAPFFE The North Koreans have every intention to lie, steal and cheat as much as they can get away with and...
GRAHAM ALLISON We're going to cheat a little bit. We're going to show the fans at the game as if they were at a reg...
BRENT O'CONNOR there is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft. When yo...
KHALED HOSSEINI Dont try to go too fast. Learn your job. Dont ever talk until you know what youre talking about. If ...
SAM RAYBURN I know is if you’re going to cheat on Silas Nash it had better be with Ryan Gosling.
COLLEEN HOOVER If we are teaching children how to lie,to steal, and to be aggressive, why do schools punish those w...
ALI ALTANTAWI Being a friend to your child is the best gift you give to your child.
JONATHAN CHEN If you drink anymore, you're going to be positively flammable.
MICHAELA HAZE I think defense is the easiest thing to do to get yourself going. If you get a steal or a rebound, i...
JANISHA GEARLDS I'll do whatever I have to do to protect you. I'll lie, cheat, and steal to make you okay. I'll shar...
TARRYN FISHER If the placebo effect was a week or two, I would understand that and say, 'Yes, youre right.' You kn...
BOB GREEN If you're going to say to all the people that you're working with, 'We want you to treat...
JAMES SINEGAL You're going to have to find out where you want to go. And then you've got to start going there.
J.D. SALINGER I would imagine that the more time you spend talking to another person, the more you're going to...
DAVID CHASE Hes learned to never trust anyone with his heart. People lie, cheat, hurt, steal, and play. He cant ...
ZACH MOUNCE If people do not look after their hearts they will soon see a flag of submission and the fight will ...
GARY F EVANS... That is going to take me two-and-a-half hours - so instead of a nice meal I'm going to be stuck with...
MARTIN ALLEN I was born in Washington, D.C., where my father was working for the Federal Trade Commission, and my...
JOANNA GOING I'm always looking for what there is to see that's weird and wonderful and off the beaten pa...
JOANNA GOING I had a wonderful time making 'Dark Shadows.'
JOANNA GOING When I was 18, I took it for granted and was eager to move on to the bigger cities like Boston and t...
JOANNA GOING To have real issues to delve into, research-wise, always makes it a lot more satisfying to me. I can...
JOANNA GOING Steve Jobs and Apple are going to be toast. There's going to be a completely different landscape.
WAYNE ROSSO A tooth for a tooth, will make the world's inhabitants a people without teeth
SOTONYE ANGA Why, darling, I don't live at all when I'm not with you.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY The atheist might have no proof for the supernatural, but they also have no proof against it. If we ...
LEWIS N. ROE He said we were all cooked but we were all right as long as we did not know it. We were all cooked. ...
ERNEST HEMINGWAY After Rilke's Letters
-- by John VanDyke Wilmerding II

this is my letter to a young ...
RAINER MARIA RILKE No, no. Don't make that face. Every time I propose to you, you make that twisty, unhappy face. It we...
TESSA DARE Atticus---" ...said Jem bleakly. "How could they do it, how could they?"
"I don't know, but the...
HARPER LEE Learn to stand for something in life otherwise you will fall for anything that comes along which is ...
EUGINIA HERLIHY Dreams can change histories and songs can alter destinies.
TIFFANIE DEBARTOLO

More Anonymous Toast

Best while you have it use your breath - There is no drinking after death
ANONYMOUS TOAST May you taste the sweetest pleasures that fortune ere bestowed, and may all your friends remember al...
ANONYMOUS TOAST Dance as if no one were watching, Sing as if no one were listening, And live every day as if it were...
ANONYMOUS TOAST May your Guardian Angel be at your side to pick ya up off the floor and hand ya another cold stout f...
ANONYMOUS TOAST Four blessings upon you - Older whiskey - Younger women - Faster horses - More money
ANONYMOUS TOAST Let's drink to California, way out by the sea, Where a woman's ass, and a whiskey glass, Made a hors...
ANONYMOUS TOAST Here's a toast to the roast that good fellowship lends, With the sparkle of beer and wine; May its s...
ANONYMOUS TOAST Here's to holly and ivy hanging up, And to something wet in every cup
ANONYMOUS TOAST May you - Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, dance like no-one is...
ANONYMOUS TOAST A Merry Christmas this December - To a lot of folks I don't remember
ANONYMOUS TOAST Merry met, and merry part, I drink to thee with all my heart
ANONYMOUS TOAST Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl could want in her life, except for good t...
ANONYMOUS TOAST Here's to the stork that brings good babies, the raven that brings bad babies, and to the Swallow......
ANONYMOUS TOAST Here's a health to all those that we love, Here's a health to all those that love us, Here's a healt...
ANONYMOUS TOAST May the ships at sea never be bottoms up
ANONYMOUS TOAST Marriage isn't a word... it's a sentence.
WEDDING TOAST Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl could want in her life, except for good ...
WEDDING TOAST In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out infriendship, never in want.
OLD IRISH TOAST May the devil make a ladder of your backbone - While he is picking apples in the garden of Hell
OLD IRISH TOAST Here's to a long life, and a merry one; a quick death, and an easy one; a pretty girl, and an honest...
OLD IRISH TOAST When money's tight and hard to get - and your horse is also ran, When all you have is a heap of debt...
OLD IRISH TOAST An Irishman is never drunk as long as - He can hold onto one blade of grass and not - Fall off the f...
OLD IRISH TOAST In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in
friendship, never in want.
OLD IRISH TOAST Animals are human just like us in a different shape and form so do not abuse them.
ANONYMOUS ANONYMOUS You don't have to touch someone to love them, It's not in the kiss, It's in the times you don't kiss...
ANONYMOUS ANONYMOUS Glory be to Him who changes others and remains Himself unchanged!
ANONYMOUS Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone one who loves is born of God an...
ANONYMOUS May the God who gives endurance and encouragement
give you a spirit of unity among yourselves ...
ANONYMOUS Some men are born with cold feet; some acquire cold feet; and some have cold feet thrust upon them.
ANONYMOUS Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can be...
ANONYMOUS Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.
ANONYMOUS Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
ANONYMOUS Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what y...
ANONYMOUS Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...
ANONYMOUS Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
ANONYMOUS It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.
ANONYMOUS He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
ANONYMOUS All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that is difficult.
ANONYMOUS A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What do yo...
ANONYMOUS A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.
ANONYMOUS Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.
ANONYMOUS Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...b...
ANONYMOUS Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her o...
ANONYMOUS Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family d...
ANONYMOUS The most expensive wedding usually ends with the quickest divorce.
ANONYMOUS Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
ANONYMOUS Leadership is the ability to hide your panic from others.
ANONYMOUS An expert knows all the answers -- if you ask the right questions.
ANONYMOUS Time cuts down all, Both great and small.
ANONYMOUS Few cases of eyestrain have been developed by looking on the bright side of things.
ANONYMOUS Be an optimist -- at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral.
ANONYMOUS Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell. •Anonymous Many an o...
ANONYMOUS Some of the smallest situations are the biggest to some people.
ANONYMOUS Man endures pain as an undeserved punishment; woman accepts it as a natural heritage.
ANONYMOUS Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If at first you don't succeed, try another way. For eve...
ANONYMOUS Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea.
ANONYMOUS Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
ANONYMOUS A friend is one to whom you can pour out the contents of your heart, chaff and grain alike. Knowin...
ANONYMOUS Friendship is a living thing that lasts only as long as it is nourished with kindness, empathy and u...
ANONYMOUS She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.
ANONYMOUS many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting; but a ...
ANONYMOUS Lady Wisdom will be your close friend; and Brother Knowledge will be your pleasant companion.
ANONYMOUS When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
ANONYMOUS It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
ANONYMOUS Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances.
ANONYMOUS Happiness is possible only when one is busy. The body must toil, the mind must be occupied, and the ...
ANONYMOUS Happiness is like jam. You can't spread even a little without getting some on yourself.
ANONYMOUS Happiness is the overcoming of not unknown obstacles toward a known goal.
ANONYMOUS Happiness seems to be the result of something happening — inactivity is not very exhilarating.
ANONYMOUS Happiness is not pleasure, it's victory.
ANONYMOUS Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
ANONYMOUS Happiness is the art of never holding in your mind the memory of any unpleasant thing that has passe...
ANONYMOUS Happiness is not given but exchanged.
ANONYMOUS Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude. It comes f...
ANONYMOUS If happiness could be brought, few of us could pay the price.
ANONYMOUS Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you turn your a...
ANONYMOUS So live that your memories will be part of your happiness.
ANONYMOUS Happiness consists in activity; such as the constitution of our nature; it is a running stream, and ...
ANONYMOUS Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
ANONYMOUS Happiness is not always measured in smiles.
ANONYMOUS Happiness lies in our own backyard, but it's probably well hidden by crabgrass.
ANONYMOUS Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
ANONYMOUS The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
ANONYMOUS Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle ...
ANONYMOUS Faith is like electricity. You can't see it, but you can see the light.
ANONYMOUS To reprove small faults within due vehemence, is as absurd as if a man should take a great hammer to...
ANONYMOUS My friend, why have you drifted so far away? All motion is relative, maybe it is you who have moved ...
ANONYMOUS The happiest business in all the world is that of making friends, And no investment on the street pa...
ANONYMOUS Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog.
ANONYMOUS Remember that the faith that moves mountains always carries a pick.
ANONYMOUS When you laugh, be sure to laugh at what people do and not at what people are.
ANONYMOUS The sound of a kiss is much softer than that of a cannon - but it's echo lasts a great deal longer.
ANONYMOUS Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding i...
ANONYMOUS A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
ANONYMOUS When life throws a lemon at you, you throw it straight back at life and miss completely. That's my l...
ANONYMOUS Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.
ANONYMOUS Aging is a matter of mind. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
ANONYMOUS I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, ...
ANONYMOUS تبسمك في وجه أخيك صدقة، وأمرك بالمعروف صدقة ونهيك عن ال...
ANONYMOUS The first men to be created and formed were called the Sorcerer of Fatal Laughter, the Sorcerer of N...
ANONYMOUS Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you...
ANONYMOUS And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
ANONYMOUS Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for ...
ANONYMOUS Anyone who is having troubles should pray. Anyone who is happy should sing praises. Anyone who is si...
ANONYMOUS I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.
ANONYMOUS Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
ANONYMOUS Store front sign: Entire store on sale, everything $1 or more.
ANONYMOUS If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
ANONYMOUS Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
ANONYMOUS I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?
ANONYMOUS My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
ANONYMOUS If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.
ANONYMOUS Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
ANONYMOUS It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too,...
ANONYMOUS One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less t...
ANONYMOUS The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
ANONYMOUS In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.
ANONYMOUS How do you get a Kleenex to dance?
Put a little boogy in it!
ANONYMOUS For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.
ANONYMOUS Why does Chuck Norris' calendar go directly from March 31 to April 2nd? Nobody fools Chuck Norris!
ANONYMOUS I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
ANONYMOUS Stop the earth from spinning, I want to get off!
ANONYMOUS If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
ANONYMOUS The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.
ANONYMOUS Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of...
ANONYMOUS Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I ...
ANONYMOUS Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.
ANONYMOUS Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.
ANONYMOUS My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.
ANONYMOUS Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
ANONYMOUS Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
ANONYMOUS When there's a will, I want to be in it.
ANONYMOUS Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
ANONYMOUS When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver.
ANONYMOUS As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
ANONYMOUS When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my ...
ANONYMOUS Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.
ANONYMOUS What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
ANONYMOUS I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.
ANONYMOUS Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
ANONYMOUS I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
ANONYMOUS Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.
ANONYMOUS Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
ANONYMOUS Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!
ANONYMOUS I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.
ANONYMOUS My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too ...
ANONYMOUS Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.
ANONYMOUS I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.
ANONYMOUS People think.....
I'm skinny, but I'm really chunky.
I'm cheap, but I'm really thrifty. ANONYMOUS I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. T...
ANONYMOUS I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.
ANONYMOUS Chuck Norris is so amazing he can:

Light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.<...
ANONYMOUS Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time a...
ANONYMOUS He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this ...
ANONYMOUS I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition.
ANONYMOUS I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
ANONYMOUS Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart.
ANONYMOUS Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.
ANONYMOUS It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are?
ANONYMOUS Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some yo...
ANONYMOUS Don't believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they're sweet doesn't mean they're...
ANONYMOUS Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
ANONYMOUS I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
ANONYMOUS How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
ANONYMOUS My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museu...
ANONYMOUS Birthdays are nature's way of feeding us cake.
ANONYMOUS What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
ANONYMOUS I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
ANONYMOUS There was a robot invented in China that catches thieves. In Australia it caught 10 thieves, in Ame...
ANONYMOUS I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
ANONYMOUS How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
ANONYMOUS Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
ANONYMOUS Smile while you still have teeth.
ANONYMOUS Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.
ANONYMOUS After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
ANONYMOUS Funny sign at health spa: Fresh 10,000 year old mud for sale.
ANONYMOUS I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
ANONYMOUS I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
ANONYMOUS True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true.
ANONYMOUS Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms.
ANONYMOUS Is it good if a blow dryer blows?
ANONYMOUS Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
ANONYMOUS Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
ANONYMOUS Never judge a book by it's movie
ANONYMOUS I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my ...
ANONYMOUS When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.
ANONYMOUS Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
ANONYMOUS If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your sm...
ANONYMOUS My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
ANONYMOUS I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
ANONYMOUS Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast...
ANONYMOUS I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close ...
ANONYMOUS Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted ...
ANONYMOUS Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
ANONYMOUS Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.
ANONYMOUS I'm not really a control freak, but... can I show the right way to do that?
ANONYMOUS A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
ANONYMOUS I once finished first on my running team, then the coach asked me where everyone else is.
ANONYMOUS Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
ANONYMOUS Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
ANONYMOUS