I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

Friends are like television. Some are like PBS and always asking for money. Others are like the news, with sad tales to tell everyday, some are like that one station with the foreign language; you don't understand a word of it but you listen and watch.

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."