FastSaying

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'


Woody Allen

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A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
WOODY ALLEN I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films...
ABBAS KIAROSTAMI When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few ...
STEPHEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few m...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was eating burritos with this girl and she asked me to be her prom date. How could I say no? We we...
JOSH HARTNETT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true.
AUTRE NE VEUT I still stand by what I said. Do you want me to lie about it?' he asks.
'No, I want you to reth...
SUZANNE COLLINS If they ask you about me, tell them “She was the only girl who loved me with honesty, and I broke ...
SHAHRAZAD AL-KHALIJ Tell me this isn't happening," she murmured. "I was about to ask you the same thing," Aria said.
SARA SHEPARD You know what else he said?" Anne Marie asked.

"Tell me," I said. I didn't want to know, ...
BROCK CLARKE Probably the only way Woody Allen and I are similar is that he has a lot to say about Nietzsche.
T. J. MILLER I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories...
ROMAN COPPOLA I was working on a job somewhere one day and a girl came and asked me if I knew who would collect th...
FRED SPINK When I asked my mum whether I could go to stage school she said, 'No, you don't want to do that'.
NICHOLAS LYNDHURST But I told my grandmother, and she listened, and then she said, "Don't ever tell this story to anybo...
ROBERT GOOLRICK I talked to her and asked if this was an appropriate relationship to have with someone you cover. To...
DEREK LOWE Who are you, Woody Allen?
JOY BEHAR I asked her what she was doing, and she said she couldn't sleep and she came in to throw away old re...
DAVE NEIL I'm sick of hearing, thinking and talking about Woody Allen. Nonetheless, the allegations agains...
ROXANE GAY He asked me, 'Who are you?' I said, 'I don't know, can you please tell me who am I?' He had no answe...
TANMAYA GURU She asked me to tell you she considers this another chapter in a fun-filled life.
EVAN SMITH I heard a great story recently, I love telling it, of a little girl who was in a drawing lesson, she...
SIR KEN ROBINSON So what’s your story?” he asked, sitting down next to me at a safe distance. “I already told y...
JOHN GREEN I had long been resistant to doing a documentary about my mother for personal reasons. And I thought...
RORY KENNEDY The Olinka girls do not believe girls should be educated. When I asked a mother why she thought this...
ALICE WALKER I wanted to work with Mike Leigh. I had my list of British people I wanted to work with, and I wante...
CARMEN EJOGO This girl, about 14, came to see me and I said, 'What are you doing out so late?'
WYNTON MARSALIS I hate Woody Allen physically, I dislike that kind of man.
ORSON WELLES She made fun of me. She was so funny and so beautiful, I said I'd love to date a girl like this.
BOB GUINEY And I asked my mother about it; I said, 'Is there something wrong?' She said, 'God... Go...
RICHARD DAWSON Are you sure you want them to meet me?" she asked.

"Yes," he said. "I want everyone to me...
RAINBOW ROWELL I just want you to know,' said the girl, coldly, 'that whoever you are and whatever you intend with ...
NEIL GAIMAN I was having a little trouble, ... That girl could sleep in that class and get an A. She's that smar...
JUSTIN UPTON And several galleries - two had asked me and I said no, because I didn't want to leave things on con...
BEATRICE WOOD Yes, I asked her and she said 'no,'
FRANCIS CARTER You tried to kill me. Don't think we won't be telling that story to our kids someday," David said. DEBBIE VIGUIé She didn’t understand why it was happening,” he said. “I had to tell her she would die. Her so...
JOHN GREEN I was honored he asked me, but I didn't feel bad about turning him down. Woody turned me down as a p...
JERRY GLANVILLE I would love to have a long and serious conversation with the Pope. And Woody Allen, whom I have nev...
CHARLIE ROSE When I asked her specifically, she said well, she became quite rattled and said it's a sore subject,...
EVGENIA PERETZ I still stand by what I said. Do you want me to lie about it?” he asks. “No, I want you to rethi...
SUZANNE COLLINS She asked me if I wanted to trade places with her. I said I'd do it in a heartbeat.
LISA HALL Did you say something Macey?' I asked, but she cut me a look that could kill. She reached into her b...
ALLY CARTER One time somebody asked me what Woody and I talked about, ... You know, we didn't talk that much. We...
STETSON KENNEDY I don't ever want to impose something on the story. I want the story to tell me.
LESLI LINKA GLATTER It's a love story, ... I [get this girl to tutor me] and end up falling in love with her.
AARON CARTER Elsa thinks about how Granny used to say, 'You have standards and I have double standards, and so I ...
FREDRIK BACKMAN, MY GRANDMOTHER ASKED ME TO TELL YOU SHE'S SORRY We have to do it for my mum's sake. Because I'm hoping that the last sorry will be to her.
FREDRIK BACKMAN, MY GRANDMOTHER ASKED ME TO TELL YOU SHE'S SORRY I went to my grandmother, your great-great-grandmother, and asked her to write a letter. She was my ...
JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER Okay. This was good. This was heading somewhere I’d— “I want to strangle you,” she said, her...
JENNIFER L. ARMENTROUT Why are you being so nice to me?' I asked her.
'You know,' she said, 'when you say stuff like t...
SARAH DESSEN Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian.
CATE BLANCHETT Woody Allen said that 95% of history is explained as a man trying to impress a woman. And that's...
MITT ROMNEY This girl, I can't tell you how much ... well, just how proud I am of her. She is going to surprise ...
CURTIS HANSON Barbra Streisand has always been an inspiration for me. I admire Jennifer Lopez because she's be...
LAUREN LONDON And several galleries - two had asked me and I said no, because I didn't want to leave things on...
BEATRICE WOOD Hazel’s cheeks felt hot. “But he’s not like…like me?” “No,” Nico said. “I’m sorry ...
RICK RIORDAN If Woody Allen called me, I'd be there straight away. Who wouldn't? Truly.
JULIE DELPY They came to me and asked me about the rumors. I said, 'Hey, look, they're a great team.' But if you...
MIKE SWEENEY I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this st...
STEVE MARTIN You just want me to hold you until you fall asleep?"
I didn't answer.
He shifted to look s...
JAMIE MCGUIRE My influences were Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce.
DAVID STEINBERG I say, “Talk to me. Tell me who you are, what you want, what you’ve never had, the story you’v...
DOROTHY ALLISON It's a secret code," said Calvin. "Girls are not not like boys. If a boy wants to kill you, he says ...
LENORE LOOK For the record, I believe that women and their doctors should have access to oral contraception when...
AMI BERA Let me tell you about the nap. It's absolutely fantastic. When I was a kid, my father was always...
PHILIP ROTH One little girl asked her mom if she could take $20 out of her piggy bank, ... I asked her if she di...
TROY MILLER Why does she want me to stay here with her?' 'She wants something to love, I think,' said the cat. '...
NEIL GAIMAN When people come to me and tell me I was terrific in this or that, I do not want to fall flat on my ...
GEOFFREY RUSH New York in a way functions as another character within the story, as it does within most of Woody A...
RADHA MITCHELL Well, I hate to tell you this," she said, "but your friend is an asshole."
"He's not my friend,...
CASSANDRA CLARE I remember talking with a friend. He asked me a question. He said, 'What's your end game? Wh...
KI HONG LEE She called me at 6 a.m. yesterday and said, 'You know what, if you had asked me, I would have told y...
MEREDITH VIEIRA As we ride the elevator Gale finally says “You're still angry.”
“And you're still not sor...
SUZANNE COLLINS After working with Woody Allen, sharing screen space with De Niro was a dream come true.
ANUPAM KHER one day I will tell you a story. A story that will make you ponder. A story that will make you wonde...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Naptime," said Christian, leading her toward the bed.
"I still need a shower."
"Sleep firs...
RICHELLE MEAD Woody Allen movies are like Beatles songs. I can't name my favorite without you immediately nami...
COLIN TREVORROW They had asked for me because they wanted a younger girl, but Mum asked if she could bring Kylie alo...
DANNII MINOGUE After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this wa...
GARRY SHANDLING When Milan spoke with me and told me about this guy, I never asked for any assurances. The chairman ...
HARRY REDKNAPP I had asked her about it when she was here. She [said], 'Oh, I don't know,' and I said, 'Well, keep ...
CHANITA OLDS She taught me I should never do anything in private I did not want talked about in public, and cauti...
PATRICK ROTHFUSS Tell me everything about this woman you once knew. Tell me everything she ever told you about Jesus ...
FRANCINE RIVERS The challenge of life, I have found, is to build a resume that doesn't simply tell a story about...
OPRAH WINFREY She said, 'I'm so afraid.' And I said, 'why?,' and she said, 'Because I'm so profoundly happy, Dr. R...
KHALED HOSSEINI I asked you not to tell me that
DON ADAMS (Morgan) helped me with my math homework. I also asked her some things about golf. She said she was ...
DANIELLE JACKSON Your principal motive on a movie set is to get the film made, but on a Woody Allen set, there's ...
REBECCA HALL Hillary Clinton was asked if she wiped the disc she was using for her email; she said, 'Do you m...
JOHN MCAFEE A big producer offered me the part of the pretty girl that waits at home for the guy, and I couldn&#...
BRIE LARSON I've found a letter that was written to me from a girl who was getting married. And she wanted t...
NANCY REAGAN A customer who often comes to my restaurant and always enchants me for his simplicity, shyness and s...
ARRIGO CIPRIANI My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so......
MITCH HEDBERG My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six mon...
DAVID SEDARIS I had this story from one who had no business to tell it to me, or to any other.
EDGAR RICE BURROUGHS I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me...
She showed me her room, isn't it good, ...
NORWEGIAN WOOD (THE BEATLES) I was also a big Woody Allen fan. When I got into college I listened to Lenny Bruce but it's tak...
MARC MARON There are not many A-list directors who get to make the movies they want to make. I know two: Woody ...
MARTIN LANDAU

More Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
WOODY ALLEN Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and pot...
WOODY ALLEN I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
WOODY ALLEN If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in...
WOODY ALLEN What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
WOODY ALLEN There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman...
WOODY ALLEN God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m...
WOODY ALLEN There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w...
WOODY ALLEN Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'
WOODY ALLEN Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
WOODY ALLEN sex is simple, love stings afterwards.
WOODY ALLEN If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.
WOODY ALLEN I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
WOODY ALLEN Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
WOODY ALLEN What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum...
WOODY ALLEN You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
WOODY ALLEN You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
WOODY ALLEN It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN The decision to decide is a decision in itself.
WOODY ALLEN One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha...
WOODY ALLEN Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
WOODY ALLEN All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white...
WOODY ALLEN If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
WOODY ALLEN I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
WOODY ALLEN I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
WOODY ALLEN In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th...
WOODY ALLEN Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y...
WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -...
WOODY ALLEN If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
WOODY ALLEN In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and...
WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
WOODY ALLEN It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked...
WOODY ALLEN For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu...
WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
WOODY ALLEN Marriage is the death of hope.
WOODY ALLEN Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
WOODY ALLEN I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I...
WOODY ALLEN I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN I am at two with nature.
WOODY ALLEN Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
WOODY ALLEN I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba...
WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
WOODY ALLEN Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ...
WOODY ALLEN More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut...
WOODY ALLEN A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An...
WOODY ALLEN Eighty percent of success is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy...
WOODY ALLEN I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
WOODY ALLEN Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc...
WOODY ALLEN A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
WOODY ALLEN It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ...
WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
WOODY ALLEN To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ...
WOODY ALLEN Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an...
WOODY ALLEN What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
WOODY ALLEN How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
WOODY ALLEN Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat
WOODY ALLEN Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
WOODY ALLEN Eternity is really long, especially near the end
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
WOODY ALLEN Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
WOODY ALLEN If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take tw...
WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions
WOODY ALLEN A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ...
WOODY ALLEN The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
WOODY ALLEN The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.
WOODY ALLEN There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t...
WOODY ALLEN Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi...
WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f...
WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o...
WOODY ALLEN Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t...
WOODY ALLEN Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to fin...
WOODY ALLEN I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
WOODY ALLEN Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da...
WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boa...
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou...
WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h...
WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
WOODY ALLEN I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
WOODY ALLEN Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
WOODY ALLEN My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi...
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo...
WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
WOODY ALLEN Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
WOODY ALLEN The wicked at heart probably know something.
WOODY ALLEN My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
WOODY ALLEN Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
WOODY ALLEN For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ...
WOODY ALLEN We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
WOODY ALLEN The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m...
WOODY ALLEN Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat...
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--...
WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say ab...
WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun...
WOODY ALLEN I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
WOODY ALLEN How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
WOODY ALLEN How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typ...
WOODY ALLEN His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
WOODY ALLEN Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g...
WOODY ALLEN Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther...
WOODY ALLEN More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter...
WOODY ALLEN You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundre...
WOODY ALLEN Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
WOODY ALLEN When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
WOODY ALLEN Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverag...
WOODY ALLEN The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y...
WOODY ALLEN Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
WOODY ALLEN Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
WOODY ALLEN My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
WOODY ALLEN The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants
WOODY ALLEN I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
WOODY ALLEN Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
WOODY ALLEN She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca...
WOODY ALLEN My brain? That´s my second favourite organ.
WOODY ALLEN I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews...
WOODY ALLEN Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca...
WOODY ALLEN Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge...
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says...
WOODY ALLEN I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horr...
WOODY ALLEN If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
WOODY ALLEN I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better, [Cloquet...
WOODY ALLEN Subjectivity is objective.
WOODY ALLEN The most expensive sex is free sex
WOODY ALLEN These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you....
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blow...
WOODY ALLEN We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
WOODY ALLEN I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
WOODY ALLEN Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
WOODY ALLEN You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad...
WOODY ALLEN This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The...
WOODY ALLEN The heart wants what it wants.
WOODY ALLEN We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc...
WOODY ALLEN Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
WOODY ALLEN