I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious.

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.

Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.

Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.

Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car.