I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.

If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?

Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and the interchangeable parts.

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.