Jack Handy
Related LYNDON B. JOHNSON ALBERT FINNEY DENIS JOHNSON JEANIENE FROST MARC BENIOFF CHLOE NEILL ALBERT FINNEY FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE Next generations will not know what is to have childhood. DANIEL MELGAçO KEITH SWEAT OSCAR WILDE NEIL GAIMAN “I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like... ASHISH KUMAR MICHAEL GRANT I was scared 'cause I thought I was going to come up here and mess up. I thought I would not focus b... DESARAE GARLAND Jack Welch is someone who I have always admired. In India, Narayana Murthy is someone who I have gre... KUMAR MANGALAM BIRLA LUCAS TILL Obviously someone had the key to take out the urn and put in the potato chip can. One would think th... PHILIP HILDER TOBA BETA A minute or so passed by--not long, but long enough to make me wonder whether Oliver was setting up ... LINDSAY RIBAR We just have to pick them up and make plays. We are not going to avoid throwing to someone. We just ... CODY HODGES TOBA BETA I think I would have had trouble living with someone who didn't know what it was like to be an a... PAM FERRIS I didn't even think of that correlation until some of the media outlets brought up that my home run ... ALBERT PUJOLS I thought it was a home run. I think the outfielder came in saying it was but it is what it is when ... DUKE DURLAND JOYCE GIRAUD DAVID ARQUETTE When I did get the call to start, it took about three games for me to build my innings up. Now, I ca... CASEY FOSSUM GEORGE CARLIN KURT COBAIN The first time my father woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me he was going to die, I thi... ERIC WALTERS JOHN SCALZI But what a prosecutor wants is someone in the meetings. I think someone has to have rolled over on D... DAVID BERG I don't need to have someone tell me what I'm going to be entertained by. BEN HUH MELISSA DE LA CRUZ I am the chief executive, and I'm going to run the state until someone with the power tells me not t... DEMOCRAT TIMOTHY M. KAINE MARTIN MCGUINNESS KARL ROVE She used to tell me she had no idea how Jack was getting so drunk. But we figured it out. Then he ha... PETER GUNTHER PAULO COELHO THEODORE WHITE MADELINE MILLER I've known my best friend since I was a baby, and I don't know what I would do without her. ... JASMINE GUINNESS MARIE LU SARAH DESSEN Wherever I am, you belong. You're mine. Say it. J. KENNER Someone told me never cry in front of a man he will think u are weak. If I see someone cry & I start... NICNICLOUISIANA STEPHEN KING I would have brought something different and unique. But they wanted someone with administrative exp... DAVID MAGNANI Sometimes I think I spent forever waiting for you,' he says. 'My whole life, I've never had someone ... AMANDA GRACE A liberal is a person who believes that water can be made to run uphill. A conservative is someone w... THEODORE H. WHITE ERYKAH BADU Anyone who's going to get any of his organs are going to have a piece of history in them. The last f... JODI OLSON DEREK LANDY I don't think anybody is ever going to call me to play someone who is mousy and demure. DREA DE MATTEO SALMAN RUSHDIE You knew what I was," he said, taking his hair back from his face, eyes wild with the will to make m... KAREN HEALEY Why should i cry?why should i loose hope?why should i not have faith,when i still believe there is s... BENJAMIN KUSI BOATENG I'd grab the camera and tell people what to do, and when I was 14, someone told me that it was c... GUILLERMO DEL TORO If you’re trying to tell me you’re not used to mattering to someone, I might just bleed out righ... KELLY MORAN If I were Sarah Palin, would I want to sit in an interview with someone who was secretly out to get ... MEGYN KELLY TINA FEY CATHERYNNE M. VALENTE TOM WOLFE CRAIG GROESCHEL I could never give up athletics. Running is what I will always do. Even if, maybe, the authorities c... CASTER SEMENYA JODI PICOULT CHLOE NEILL I talked to her and asked if this was an appropriate relationship to have with someone you cover. To... DEREK LOWE I was in a room with my general manager and afterward someone reported not what I said, but what som... BOBBY VALENTINE Altogether, I think it's very solid. I don't see anything that would make someone rush out and buy s... HAROLD VOGEL RON PAUL JOHN GREEN CASSANDRA CLARE I don't know what the problem is, what the deal is. I was ready to go. It was his call. He chose not... FRANKIE HEJDUK HALLE BERRY I had to get out because basically it was in flames, on fire, so I got out, I got over the back and ... GEORGE LONG Someone did this for me when I was young, ... Someone - I don't know who - started a community garde... DIANE MILLER JOSé N. HARRIS DOROTHY ALLISON I spend my working life pretending to be someone else. ANDREW LINCOLN SUZANNE YOUNG MOIRA YOUNG I wanted someone to tell me I was still going to be a hip, cool mom. JACQUI BOLAND PETER MAYLE LILY TOMLIN DEREK LANDY She buys "mixed salad greens" for seven dollars a bag, triple-washed with who knows what. And to get... RUDOLPH DELSON I don't think they're bringing anyone in free agency unless someone falls through the cracks. My imp... MIKE MCCARTNEY It would be nice to have someone to cheer for. The camaraderie of a team, I think, would be nice. Ju... JAYSON SWANSON Someone once asked me if spirituality could lesson our suffering and here is what I told-em; it didn... ED BULEY You mean the producer is the guy who was telling me, 'Move along, sir, three feet from the rail?' .... DAVID ADAMS You mean the producer is the guy who was telling me, 'Move along, sir, three feet from the rail?' ..... DAVID ADAMS I thought it was big of Fife to call after we recruited someone to run against him. When I got to th... FRANK MYERS NEIL GAIMAN The first time I had a baked potato, I was eight years old at a friend's house. Most white kids ... SCOTT FUJITA GINNIFER GOODWIN Neither one of them had the decency to come into his office, after they had been running into the of... ED WARD This is wrong and untruthful. Someone should tell me openly it's not about how well you perform, but... CHRISTIAN WOERNS I won a key hand that put me in great shape in a big tournament. If I had been listening to music, I... HOWARD LEDERER
More Jack Handy
It's amazing to me that one of the world's most feared diseases would be carried by one of the world... JACK HANDY To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if an... JACK HANDY I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there insi... JACK HANDY Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he ... JACK HANDY If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way. JACK HANDY If you lose your job, your marriage and your mind all in one week, try to lose your mind first, beca... JACK HANDY Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, whic... JACK HANDY I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. but I k... JACK HANDY I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend JACK HANDY Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First take out the garbag... JACK HANDY If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now JACK HANDY What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through t... JACK HANDY A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the ... JACK HANDY Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is capable of being a good ca... JACK HANDY I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it woul... JACK HANDY Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you. JACK HANDY Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, bec... JACK HANDY The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face JACK HANDY The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my ... JACK HANDY I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people. JACK HANDY The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants t... JACK HANDY Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitte... JACK HANDY If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another w... JACK HANDY I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye. JACK HANDY If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's p... JACK HANDY THE POOR AND THE SUBJECT CALLED "POVERTY" IS FILTH TO THE RICH AND THE SUBJECT CALLED "RICHES", BUT ... JACK HANDY The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile int... JACK HANDY I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way... JACK HANDY He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and ... JACK HANDY I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy u... JACK HANDY Folks still remember the day ole Bob Riley came bouncing down that dirt road in his pickup. Pretty s... JACK HANDY Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand... JACK HANDY If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone. JACK HANDY When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. ... JACK HANDY Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, "You know, most of these sports are base... JACK HANDY When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, ... JACK HANDY Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got... JACK HANDY Anybody who has an identity problem had better wise up and get with the program! JACK HANDY I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled up t... JACK HANDY If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed a... JACK HANDY Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and... JACK HANDY One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a w... JACK HANDY Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like. JACK HANDY Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then ... JACK HANDY My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and ... JACK HANDY If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tri... JACK HANDY I hate it when people say somebody has a "speech impediment", even if he does, because it could hurt... JACK HANDY Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to t... JACK HANDY If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he ... JACK HANDY I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot... JACK HANDY If you go to a party, and you want to be the popular one at the party, do this: Wait until no one is... JACK HANDY If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his th... JACK HANDY I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have... JACK HANDY Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe y... JACK HANDY Instead of building newer and larger weapons of mass destruction, I think mankind should try to get ... JACK HANDY I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell... JACK HANDY I think a good product would be Baby Duck Hat. It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your... JACK HANDY Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story ... JACK HANDY Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pa... JACK HANDY Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me? JACK HANDY When the chairman introduced the guest speaker as a former illegal alien, I got up from my chair and... JACK HANDY There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves... JACK HANDY It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. JACK HANDY If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a sold... JACK HANDY He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection. I guess that's what I hated about him. JACK HANDY If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begg... JACK HANDY If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the storm, and he showed u... JACK HANDY If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins most? I'd say... JACK HANDY I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complime... JACK HANDY If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to... JACK HANDY Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a b... JACK HANDY Laugh, clown, laugh. This is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo. JACK HANDY In some places it's known as a tornado. In others, a cyclone. And in still others, the Idiot's Merry... JACK HANDY I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you. JACK HANDY Whenever I hear the sparrow chirping, watch the woodpecker chirp, catch a chirping trout, or listen ... JACK HANDY If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hosta... JACK HANDY I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because the... JACK HANDY Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff. JACK HANDY If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and ... JACK HANDY When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curio... JACK HANDY If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked whe... JACK HANDY I'd rather be rich than stupid. JACK HANDY If you're a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything ... JACK HANDY Al brings a wealth of experience to Financial Network. His depth of experience with a variety of sec... JACK HANDY The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw. JACK HANDY Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself:"Mankind." Basically, it's ... JACK HANDY I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking t... JACK HANDY I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money." JACK HANDY I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and be... JACK HANDY Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the rid... JACK HANDY If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good t... JACK HANDY Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and ... JACK HANDY Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to... JACK HANDY I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could ... JACK HANDY I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got Old Yeller, stay in the ... JACK HANDY Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming hom... JACK HANDY I bet when neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, 'Don't forget ... JACK HANDY The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to ... JACK HANDY Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberc... JACK HANDY If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lectur... JACK HANDY As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I r... JACK HANDY I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd ... JACK HANDY Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't both... JACK HANDY I hope if dogs take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I be... JACK HANDY Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little frien... JACK HANDY To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I t... JACK HANDY If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REA... JACK HANDY Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way ... JACK HANDY I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in... JACK HANDY Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new name for yourself. For instance, let's say you... JACK HANDY If Alien was my friend, I'd like to be with him when he went to the dentist. When they started drill... JACK HANDY I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away JACK HANDY If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think ... JACK HANDY If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of ... JACK HANDY We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that even... JACK HANDY As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I... JACK HANDY Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", be... JACK HANDY How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the d... JACK HANDY I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death. JACK HANDY As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch for ... JACK HANDY I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless dom... JACK HANDY If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just try... JACK HANDY If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpki... JACK HANDY If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dre... JACK HANDY It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is ... JACK HANDY When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges. JACK HANDY You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he'... JACK HANDY If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what H... JACK HANDY I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. JACK HANDY If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad i... JACK HANDY To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each o... JACK HANDY One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyla... JACK HANDY Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and the interchangeable part... JACK HANDY For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, ... JACK HANDY If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose JACK HANDY Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about gett... JACK HANDY We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their fac... JACK HANDY As a young boy, when you get splashed by a mud puddle on the way to school, you wonder if you should... JACK HANDY CHARLES HANDY CHARLES HANDY CHARLES HANDY CHARLES HANDY Let's not be confused. We all sit on the same side of the fence: all Java is good, all standards are... SCOTT HANDY CHARLES HANDY Our mothers knew we were OK when we were at the Y. DOT HANDY CHARLES HANDY Fair Park has been totally dominating teams from the second period on all year. LOUIS HANDY Their point guard is salty. We've got to eliminate some of his talents and make them play another st... LOUIS HANDY You don't bail on something you've had success with all season. I was hoping we could get back on tr... LOUIS HANDY They were, as I anticipated, a good ball club. They executed all the particulars, the little small t... LOUIS HANDY My confidence has really been boosted back up to where it should be. In the beginning of the season,... KAMERON HANDY At the half, we thought we were going to come out and close it out like we usually do. KAMERON HANDY We were trying everything (defensively). Man, 3-2, 2-3? They were just on fire. But that's how it is... KAMERON HANDY It was important for me to get in. I didn't show up to practice yesterday and I just had to prove my... KAMERON HANDY We're trying to make sure that if the average student wants to go to higher education that there wil... PHILIP HANDY It's first at this point in time. We haven't had an integrated stack like this before. SCOTT HANDY The customers we have been dealing with have been asking us to approach Linux with an eye toward int... SCOTT HANDY In a broad sense there are a lot of people working on the elusive nirvana of cross-platform developm... SCOTT HANDY Setting my mind on a musical instrument was like falling in love. All the world seemed bright and ch... WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER HANDY I knew the whistle of each of the river boats on the Tennessee. WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER HANDY The name of my ailment was longing, and it was not cured till I finally went to the department store... WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER HANDY Whenever I heard the song of a bird and the answering call of its mate, I could visualize the notes ... WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER HANDY I think America concedes that true American music has sprung from the Negro. WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER HANDY You've got to appreciate the things that come from the art of the Negro and from the heart of th... WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER HANDY Nature was my kindergarten. WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER HANDY The blues - the sound of a sinner on revival day. WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER HANDY The moment will arrive when you are comfortable with who you are, and what you are– bald or old or... CHARLES B. HANDY Life is something like a trumpet. If you don't put anything in, you won't get anything out. WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER HANDY Life is like a trumpet - if you don't put anything into it, you don't get anything out of it... WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER HANDY Many artists and writers have used cannabis for creative stimulation - from the writers of the world... JACK HERER I hope people think of me as a bit older. I do have a beard. That makes me look very old. JACK WHITEHALL JACK NICHOLSON JACK REED JACK PALANCE Perfectionists are their own devils. JACK KIRBY JACK WELCH JACK CANFIELD JACK WELCH JACK KEROUAC JACK NICKLAUS It was only after the Grimms published two editions primarily for adults that they changed their att... JACK ZIPES Though the Grimms kept about 100 of the tales from the first edition, they changed them a good deal. JACK ZIPES In 1995, I founded a storytelling program for children called Neighborhood Bridges in collaboration ... JACK ZIPES I have a daughter, Hanna, and I never read fairy tales to her. But I did tell her bedtime tales and ... JACK ZIPES 'Once Upon a Time', 'Mirror Mirror' - those shows and films focus on women and their... JACK ZIPES Fairy tales are with us day in and day out, not just in commercials, but references in the theater, ... JACK ZIPES The Grimm collections were never intended for children. Not because kids were excluded, but because ... JACK ZIPES Almost every single commercial on television for shampoo, sports shoes, drinks, food, clothes, perfu... JACK ZIPES What the Greeks and Romans considered myths, we consider fairy tales. We can see how very clearly th... JACK ZIPES Until I was diagnosed with mouth cancer, I'd never heard of it. JACK WILD I guess I'll go to my grave as the Dodger, but at least I've made my mark on show-business h... JACK WILD I'm thought of as a celebrity. Everything I've ever done... has been for children. As long a... JACK WILD I look at what I've gone through in my career and I really shouldn't be talking to you now. ... JACK WILD I'd definitely be up for 'EastEnders.' Just the same as I would if 'Coronation Stree... JACK WILD It's very hard not to let fame affect you because you are continually being told how good you ar... JACK WILD There is no buzz like performing for a live audience. JACK WILD At an age when most youngsters are preparing for their GCSEs, I was suddenly a jet-setter, briefly t... JACK WILD My lifestyle had made me a walking time bomb. JACK WILD I know who Jack Whittaker is. And some days I don't like who I am. JACK WHITTAKER It doesn't bother me because I can tell everyone to kiss off. JACK WHITTAKER
Jack was out kissing babies while I was out passing bills. Someone had to tend the store. 
I don't think that we necessarily lie. I mean, we make our living by pretending that we're someone e... 
Will you believe me when I tell you there was kindness in his heart? His left hand didn't know what ... 
Pardon me, but there’s someone on the phone who says they have a call for you.”
If someone asks me what cloud computing is, I try not to get bogged down with definitions. I tell th... 
I wanted what most people wanted—love, companionship.
Do you call yourself free? I want to hear your ruling idea, and not that you have escaped from a yok... 
I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me... 
I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me... 
I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me... 
Find Sam Temple. Tell him you escaped.”
If you had known me in middle school, I was definitely not what someone would think of as Brad Pitt.... 
There is no use of pretending in front of people who had repented pretending to be someone else. 
With me, what you see is what you get. Yes, call me naive, but I love life. I am happy, and for that... 
I'm not one to run around with different girls. I like someone that makes me feel good and that ... 
I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in tea... 
I was tired of pretending that I was someone else just to get along with people, just for the sake o... 
Simply put, she was the one who had to put up with me. That she did so with love and patience and en... 
She nodded... and was about to turn away. Then, as if she thought better of it, she reached out and ... 
I don't think the majority of people - to be quite honest - care. I think they see me as someone... 
You may be right that people say: 'You know what, we had Obama. He was inexperienced. The guy ha... 
I write from my soul. This is the reason that critics don't hurt me, because it is me. If it was... 
A liberal is a person who believes that water can be made to run uphill. A conservative is someone w... 
Achilles was looking at me. “Your hair never quite lies flat, here.” He touched my head, just be... 
Day leans in toward me. He reaches up to touch my face. I can tell it still hurts him to use his fin... 
So," he said as we turned onto the main road, the muffler rattling, "I've been thinking."
His head .. it exploded. As if someone had scooped out his brains and put a hand grenade in his skul... 
I think someone else told him, ... He didn't even know who I was. It made me feel a little proud. I ... 
What are you doing?"
Someone asked me if I was afraid to write my memoirs. I told him: 'We have to stop drawing up ac... 
In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone "come out" to you is the "pretending to be ... 
I have made calculations that would beggar your soul. What is it that villains always say at the end... 
I was sitting in my office when someone called to tell me two light planes had collided with the Wor... 
What matters is the one thing I do know for certain: God is with me. 
I was in the mood to make out in the back row of the movie theater with someone who did not know my ... 
Well, I don't think we should go to the moon. I think we maybe should send some politicians up t... 
I liked Augustus Waters. I really, really, really liked him. I liked the way his story ended with so... 
Lord, you're Irish," said Will. "Can you make things that don't have potatoes in them? We had an Iri... 
I don't know where they (tabloids) come up with these things. One week, they have me going out with ... 
I want someone to love me for me, faults and all.
I would imagine being tied up and put in a haystack while someone put the dry, stale straw ablaze. I... 
He's tender and defenseless, as if every part of him is exposed. He's not the asshole I thought he w... 
Don’t worry, says Ike, I didn’t do yer pretty face no harm. I should of though. After what you d... 
When I was very young in London, I had a bank account, which didn't have a great deal in it. I s... 
When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific. 
You accused me of murder. Do you make a habit of bringing schoolgirls into an interview room with mu... 
Daisy looked up at him with the kind of expression that Jesus might have given someone who had just ... 
I will end up with someone in the arts. I am positive. I eat, breathe and sleep acting. And I'll... 
The morality of compromise' sounds contradictory. Compromise is usually a sign of weakness, or an a... 
With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60. 
The financial crisis is a stark reminder that transparency and disclosure are essential in today'... 
The only two things you can truly depend upon are gravity and greed. 
Control your own destiny or someone else will. 
I believe that people make their own luck by great preparation and good strategy. 
Mankind is like dogs, not gods - as long as you don't get mad they'll bite you - but stay ma... 
If I have a weakness, it's probably ice cream. That's where I get lax, sloppy. I'll snea... 