I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.

You know you are lazy when you get excited about cancelling your plans.

I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious.

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.

I don't know what's tighter, our jeans or our friendship.