I hope if dogs take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.