I had never before been a special fan of that great comedian Phyllis Diller, but she utterly won my heart this week by sending me an envelope that, when opened, contained a torn-off square of brown-bag paper of the kind suitable for latrine duty in an ill-run correctional facility. Duly unfurled, it carried a handwritten salutation reading as follows:Money's scarce Times are hard Here's your f****** Xmas card I could not possibly improve on the sentiment, but I don't think it ought to depend on the current austerities. Isn't Christmas a moral and aesthetic nightmare whether or not the days are prosperous?
Christopher Hitchens
Related The Lilly in a Christal You have beheld a smiling RoseWhen ... ROBERT HERRICK Money's scarce Times are hard Here's your fucking Xmas card PHYLLIS DILLER I HAVE MADE THIS FOR YOU. She reached out and took a damp square of cardboard. Water dripped o... TERRY PRATCHETT DUMBLEDORE: No. I was protecting you. I did not want to hurt you . . .
DUM... JACK THORNE Of course." He picked up the brown bag of candy on the table. "What's your . . ." He trailed off as ... SARAH J. MAAS (Divorce) We’ll remarry someday when we’ve grown, Like royalty who’ve earned the th... CRYSTAL WOODS The witch reached into the picnic basket and pulled out a light brown chamois bag about the size of ... JANA OLIVER I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. ... DAWNA MARKOVA Why should I blame her that she filled my days With misery, or that she would of late Hav... W.B. YEATS A Woman's Question Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing Ever made by t... JOSHUA HARRIS Don't go far off, not even for a day, because I don't know how to say it - a day is long a... PABLO NERUDA Like a comet pulled from orbit, As it passes a sun. Like a stream that meets a boulder, ... STEPHEN SCHWARTZ DADDY You do not do, you do not do Any more, black shoe In which I have lived l... SYLVIA PLATH My phone buzzed in the center console again. "What's happening with this thing?" Dad grabbed it... C.D. REISS She remembered how her heart, so tight, like a scroll, had opened when Arin kissed her. It had... MARIE RUTKOSKI So what I want to know is why it is that I can no longer find you, in my mind. You are still there, ... NEIL GAIMAN But I hope that I will never have a life that is not surrounded by books, by books that are bo... RICK BRAGG I have become intoxicated again. You are such a potent wine, my friend. To escape your wit... KAMAND KOJOURI You've never been in love? Not even close. And no ones ever in love with you? Men always... JAMES FREY From childhood's hour I have not been As others were; I have not seen As others saw; I cou... EDGAR ALLAN POE HERMIONE: I’m sorry, Severus.
SNAPE looks at her, and then swallows the pai... JACK THORNE Now then, Pooh," said Christopher Robin, "where's your boat?" "I ought to say," explained Pooh ... A.A. MILNE Did you look at the memo?” “What memo? We’re getting memos now?” “I sent a memo ... DARYNDA JONES Is there anything else you need from me?" Ranger asked. "Not right now." "Ther... JANET EVANOVICH MOTHER IS WATER I wish I could Shower your head with flowers And anoint your fe... SUZY KASSEM An angel for some, a demon for some, for me, it’s heart of the one. Never want to h... ABHISHEK KUMAR SINGH She raised an eyebrow. "You got something to say to me, Seaweed Brain?" You'd probably ki... RICK RIORDAN He tried to measure his day by tallying the hours on his wrist. I wiped it off and called... KAMAND KOJOURI Oh yet we trust that somehow good Will be the final goal of ill, To pangs of nature, sins ... ALFRED TENNYSON Sweet Grace amazes me The way that she can see Beyond the man I am To the man that I ... JASON GRAY Looking for Your Face From the beginning of my life I have been looking for your fac... JALALUDDIN MEVLANA RUMI Elm BY SYLVIA PLATH I know the bottom, she says. I know it with my great tap r... SYLVIA PLATH I twist like a flower at the sound of your voice But you leave the receiver static ... KAIT ROKOWSKI A Pause of Thought I looked for that which is not, nor can be, And hope defer... CHRISTINA ROSSETTI The door opened, and it was like an apparition materializing before me, some sort of heavenly m... RICHELLE MEAD The stars are brilliant at this time of night and I wander these streets like a ritual I don�... CHARLOTTE ERIKSSON I shall report this, and in the meantime the animal can be taken away by one of the porters.’ BETTY NEELS I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions. Whatever I see I swallow immediately Just... SYLVIA PLATH The Decision ...I wiped my hands on my pinafore now sullied and stained not cri... MUSE I measure every Grief I meet With narrow, probing, Eyes; I wonder if It weighs like Mine,<... EMILY DICKINSON I KNEW IT WAS OVER when tonight you couldn't make the phone ring when you use... DAPHNE GOTTLIEB I'd been making desicions for days. I picked out the dress Bailey would wear forever- a bl... JANDY NELSON It offends me when you doubt my love. These jealousies are unwarranted. If only you lived ... KAMAND KOJOURI I asked him for it. For the blood, for the rust, for the sin. I didn’t want the pea... DANIELLA MICHALLENI I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on hig... WILLIAM WORDSWORTH O, that this too too solid flesh would melt Thaw and resolve itself into a dew! Or that th... WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Of all the times you've undressed me in my fantasies, I never remember feeling this... unfulfilled."... A.G. HOWARD There are those who seek me a lifetime but never we meet, And those I kiss but who trample m... SARAH J. MAAS There is a club in this world that you do not join knowingly. One day you are just a memb... JOHNA PASSARO that was bad; i shouldn't have done that to prevent you from entering a catatonic state TAO LIN [The] opening invocation to Yahweh in the Song of Deborah, a variant of which appears in Ps. 68.8-9,... JOSEPH BLENKINSOPP Little sister don't you worry about a thing today Take the heat from the sun Little sister... U2 I don't know whether it was the general anxiety of being on a date (albeit one with my would-be date... JOHN GREEN WHAT IS TRUTH? Truth is not a thing Or a concept. It is as multidimensional SUZY KASSEM The flowers that I left in the ground, that I did not gather for you, today I bring them... LEONARD COHEN It was your birthday, we had drunk and dined Half of the night with our old friend Who�... THOM GUNN (What are your ghosts like?) (They are on the insides of the lids of my eyes.) (This is al... JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER Guilty?” George’s face betrayed his surprise. “Whatever for?” “That neither of... JULIA QUINN Discipline I am old and I have had more than my share of good and bad. I'... MERYL GORDON Patch reached for my hand and pushed my dad's ring off the tip of his finger and into my palm, curli... BECCA FITZPATRICK I sit beside the fire and think Of all that I have seen Of meadow flowers and butterflies... J.R.R. TOLKIEN Just as it is known That an image of one's face is seen Depending on a mirror But doe... NāGāRJUNA I Love Loving You You are my favorite song; a rhythm of beauty that captures my spirit. STEVE MARABOLI If You Forget Me I want you to know one thing. You know how this is: PABLO NERUDA I never knew You lived so close to the floor, but every time I am bowed down, crushed by t... SHEILA WALSH So that you will hear me my words sometimes grow thin as the tracks of the gulls on t... PABLO NERUDA Afghan Girl Ice blue eyes that look to the morning sky as I knit the pieces and remnants ... EDNA STEWART You must live a very free life." "Me?" she laughed. "I am not who swoops out of the sky t... SAM STARBUCK Why shall I speak of the damage of love? When it rejuvenates me just as much In love... ZUBAIR AHSAN Why shall I speak of the damage of love? When it rejuvenates me just as much In love... ZUBAIR AHSAN I am who I say I am, I'm not some fantasy of how you think you think you know or who ... JAMES HOWE Are you?" I said. "Gay, I mean?" - I hoped he wasn't offended by my asking, b... BRENT HARTINGER Take this kiss upon the brow! And, in parting from you now, Thus much let me avow- Yo... EDGAR ALLAN POE I felt old. Again. It had been happening a lot lately. I did not live the life of an old lady, but I... CLINT CATALYST There are moments in every relationship that define when two people start to fall in love. A fi... COLLEEN HOOVER He who becomes the slave of habit, who follows the same routes every day, who never change... MARTHA MEDEIROS AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL Dear Mr. Schneider, I attended your elementary Schoo... SUZY KASSEM I promise I'll never tell." "Don't promise that," he said in an ultraserious voice. "If t... JERI SMITH-READY That time I thought I could not go any closer to grief without dying I wen... MARY OLIVER Tonight I Can Write Tonight I can write the saddest lines. Write, for e... PABLO NERUDA I had an accident." "That seemes to happen a lot." "It wasn't my fault." ... RICHELLE MEAD I threw away my phone I thought that you should know I'd throw away my home If I had som... ASHLEE SIMPSON She serves me a piece of it a few minutes out of the oven. A little steam rises from the s... RAYMOND CARVER Never mind that. What's going on with you and Heath?" Annabelle pulled a little wide-eyed... SUSAN ELIZABETH PHILLIPS She loved all the wolves behind her house, but she loved one of them most of all. And thi... MAGGIE STIEFVATER Sometimes when I'm alone I Cry, Cause I am on my own. The tears I cry are bitter and... TUPAC SHAKUR My mouth is a fire escape. The words coming out don't care that they are naked. Ther... ANDREA GIBSON When in Reading Gaol he told me that the warders in the dock had been gentle and kind, but the visit... CHARLES S. RICKETTS I was only a child when I learned how to fly I wanted to touch the colors of... TIFFANIE DEBARTOLO I am not the first person you loved. You are not the first person I looked at with a mouth... CLEMENTINE VON RADICS MOM Wholeheartedly, She loved me- And inspired me- With transcending devot... GIORGE LEEDY Then, slowly, my feet settled to the ground. Before I had taken six steps I sagged like a sail when ... PATRICK ROTHFUSS TO what purpose, April, do you return again? Beauty is not enough. You can no longer qui... EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY In the jumbled, fragmented memories I carry from my childhood there are probably nearly as many drea... LISA TUTTLE You're the man who stands on the street corner with a roll of toilet paper, and written on each squa... KURT VONNEGUT A Second Childhood.” When all my days are ending And I have no song to sing, ... G.K. CHESTERTON Eeyore", said Owl, "Christopher Robin is giving a party." "Very interesting," said Eeyore. "I s... A.A. MILNE I should go," I said thickly. "Let me know when you want to start practice again. And thanks for...t... RICHELLE MEAD Come on, Hathaway," he said, taking my arm. "You can be my partner. Let’s see what you’ve been d... RICHELLE MEAD Our freedom to say or write whatever we please in this country is holy to me. It is a rare privilege... KURT VONNEGUT
More Christopher Hitchens
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They don... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The one unforgivable sin is to be boring CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS To describe this film as a piece of crap would be to run the risk of a discourse that would never ag... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Terrorism is the tactic of demanding the impossible, and demanding it at gunpoint. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I'm not particularly a feminist, but if you get women off the animal cycle of reproduction and g... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS A faction willing to take the risks of making war on the ossified status quo in the Middle East can ... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS It would be nice to think that the menacing aspects of North Korea were for display also, that the b... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS It is notorious that the news of the Emancipation Proclamation was kept from the people of Texas and... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS George Bush made a mistake when he referred to the Saddam Hussein regime as 'evil.' Every li... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The worst days are when you feel foggy in the head - chemo-brain they call it. It's awful becaus... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I sometimes wish I were suffering in a good cause, or risking my life for the good of others, instea... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS My father had died, and very swiftly, too, of cancer of the esophagus. He was 79. I am 61. In whatev... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Well, to the people who pray for me to not only have an agonising death, but then be reborn to have ... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I took part in what was actually the last eruption of Marxist internationalism. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS As I never tire of saying, heat is not the antithesis of light but rather the source of it. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS British diplomats and Anglo-American types in Washington have a near-superstitious prohibition on ut... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Attempts to locate oneself within history are as natural, and as absurd, as attempts to locate onese... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Though he never actually joined it, he was close to some civilian elements of the Democratic Front f... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Every November of my boyhood, we put on red poppies and attended highly patriotic services in rememb... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The Islamists will try to spoil everything for everyone. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS She's got no charisma of any kind [but] I can imagine her being mildly useful to a low-rank porn dir... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS One has children in the expectation of dying before them. In fact, you want to make damn sure you di... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I have nowhere claimed nor even implied that unbelief is a guarantee of good conduct or even an indi... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Now, I have always wanted to agree with Lady Bracknell that there is no earthly use for the upper an... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS There can be no progress without head-on confrontation. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I vote and I do jury duty. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The search for Nirvana, like the search for Utopia or the end of history or the classless society, i... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The Koran shows every sign of being thrown together by human beings, as do all the other holy books. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I want to give just a slight indication of the influence the book has had. I knew that CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The human wish to credit good things as miraculous and to charge bad things to another account is ap... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS At least two important conservative thinkers, Ayn Rand and Leo Strauss, were unbelievers or nonbelie... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS My children, to the extent that they have found religion, have found it from me, in that I insist on... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS There is a noticeable element of the pathological in some current leftist critiques, which I tend to... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Reading his autobiography many years later, I was astonished to find that Edward since boyhood had�... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I still think like a Marxist in many ways. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I think the materialist conception of history is valid. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS A terrible thing has now happened to religion. Except in the places where it can still enforce itsel... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS In this way he will draw men to him by the strong cords of their passions, made reason-proof by bein... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The many instances of forged miracles, and prophecies, and supernatural events, which, in all ages, ... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Religion, then, partakes of equal elements of the canine and the feline. It exacts maximum servility... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Civilization has little to fear from educated people and brain-workers. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I have often wondered, that persons who make a boast of professing the Christian religion, namely, l... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS only while under the dominion of fear do men fall a prey to superstition; that all the portents ever... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Thus it is brought prominently before us, that superstition’s chief victims are those persons who ... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS All religions must, at their core, look forward to the end of this world and to the longed-for momen... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS A saving grace of the human condition (if I may phrase it like that) is a sense of humor. Many write... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Finally, I want to come to the question of sex. If anything proves that religion is not just man-mad... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The pre-history of our species is hag-ridden with episodes of nightmarish ignorance and calamity, fo... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS It is certain, that, in every religion, however sublime the verbal definition which it gives of its ... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Believing then … that human life is actually worth living, one can combat one’s natural pessimis... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS In January 1821, Thomas Jefferson wrote John Adams to “encourage a hope that the human mind will s... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS But there is a reason why religions insist so much on strange events in the sky, as well as on less ... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS How sad to be a woman—not to know Aught of the glory of this breast of snow, All unconcerned to co... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Arguments for atheism can be divided into two main categories: those that dispute the existence of g... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS If we stay with animal analogies for a moment, owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The basis of irreligious criticism is: Man makes religion, religion does not make man. In other word... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS To be charitable, one may admit that the religious often seem unaware of how insulting their main pr... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Religion invents a problem where none exists by describing the wicked as also made in the image of g... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The only position that leaves me with no cognitive dissonance is atheism. It is not a creed. Death i... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS There are, after all, atheists who say they wish the fable were true but are unable to suspend the r... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS [R]eligion was the race's first (and worst) attempt to make sense of reality. It was the best the sp... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I have met some highly intelligent believers, but history has no record to say that [s]he knew or un... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The Bible may, indeed does, contain a warrant for trafficking in humans, for ethnic cleansing, for s... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Our belief is not a belief. Our principles are not a faith. We do not rely soley upon science and re... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS [E]xceptional claims demand exceptional evidence. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I could not do what I do, and teach a class, and never miss a deadline, never be late for anything i... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS In Sarajevo in 1992, while being shown around the starved, bombarded city by the incomparable John B... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS So, whenever the subject of Iraq came up, as it did keep on doing through the Clinton years, I had n... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Remaining for a moment with the question of legality and illegality: United Nations Security Council... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS There's a certain amount of ambiguity in my background, what with intermarriages and conversions, bu... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS One of the questions asked by al-Balkhi, and often repeated to this day, is this: Why do the childre... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS All questions of right to one side, I have never been able to banish the queasy inner suspicion that... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I have always found it quaint and rather touching that there is a movement [Libertarians] in the US ... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I find something repulsive about the idea of vicarious redemption. I would not throw my numberless s... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS If you were offered the chance to live your own life again, would you seize the opportunity? The onl... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The quality you most admire in a man? Courage moral and physical: 'anima'—the ability to th... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I had real plans for my next decade and felt I'd worked hard enough to earn it. Will I really no... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS People spoke to foreigners with an averted gaze, and everybody seemed to know somebody who had just ... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Religions and states and classes and tribes and nations do not have to work or argue for their adher... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS [Said during a debate when his opponent asserted that atheism and belief in evolution lead to Naz... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The great thing about the United States and the historically magnetic effect it has had on a lot of ... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Thus, though I dislike to differ with such a great man, CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Kissinger projects a strong impression of a man at home in the world and on top of his brief. But th... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The noble old synagogue had been profaned and turned into a stable by the Nazis, and left open to th... CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that's where it should stay. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS When the late Pope John Paul II decided to place the woman so strangely known as CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS