I get a little belligerent when not enough protesters show up at my appearances.

My first albums as a little kid were Elton John's 'Goodbye Yellow Brick Road,' Simon and Garfunkel's 'Greatest Hits' - and 'Workingman's Dead.' How many other people still listen to the music they liked at age 12?

I might be in favor of national healthcare if it required all Democrats to get their heads examined.

If only we could get Muslims to boycott all airlines, we could dispense with airport security altogether.

My libertarian friends are probably getting a little upset now but I think that's because they never appreciate the benefits of local fascism.

I used to dread going on 'Politically Incorrect' with 'up and coming' comedians. But at least on 'Politically Incorrect', there would be just one has-been or wannabe on the panel.