I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.


John Cleese

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A Ritual to Read to Each Other


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He who laughs most, learns best.
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A wonderful thing about true laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people...
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The most creative people have this childlike facility to play.
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I have several times made a poor choice by avoiding a necessary confrontation.
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When the target audience is American teenage kids, you can have problems. My generation prized reall...
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If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'
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You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change.
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If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play.
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If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'
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But then acting is all about faking. We're all very good at faking things that we have no compet...
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Now most people do not want an ordinary life in which they do a job well, earn the respect of their ...
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If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?
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At the start, Connie wrote the Polly and Sybil roles, and she and I wrote Basil together,
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Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of u...
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If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if...
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The really good idea is always traceable back quite a long way, often to a not very good idea which ...
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Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.
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The English contribution to world cuisine - the chip
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The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten ...
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I never watch the re-runs,
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is rooted in his gluttony.
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A man will give up almost anything except his suffering.
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To know how good you are at something requires the same skills as it does to be good at that thing.
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You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change.
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Who's ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!
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The idea that you have to be protected from any kind of uncomfortable emotion is what I absolutely d...
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Wine is wonderful stuff. But so many people are put off by the snobbery of it.
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You do realize as you grow older that almost nobody knows what they are talking about.
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The Meaning of Life
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There's so many good people producing wine now, ... It's just amazing. There's so much on the shelve...
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It's a catchy tune. Hopefully you'll be hearing it on a football terrace near you, very, very soon.
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Still trying to run a hotel and getting it wrong,
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It is absolutely impossible to get even a majority of us together in a room, and I'm not joking. It ...
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I had not seen it for a long time and was suddenly embarrassed to find that I was laughing more than...
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There's something about watching an animal that puts you in contact with where we came from and what...
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It's exactly the same territory, and it's a complete coincidence.
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I can never do better than Fawlty Towers whatever I do. Now I very much want to teach young talent s...
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Sci-fi has never really been my bag. But I do believe in a lot of weird things these days, such as s...
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Michael Palin decided to give up on his considerable comedy talents to make those dreadfully tedious...
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I had a very, very difficult relationship with my mother, who was supremely self-centred. She was hi...
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I think that money spoils most things, once it becomes the primary motivating force.
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I just think that sometimes we hang onto people or relationships long after they've ceased to be...
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Well, the only way I can get a leading-man role is if I write it.
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I'm always meeting new people, and my list of friends seems to change quite a bit.
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I think it's because in America you always get the sense that if you fail, you can just pack up ...
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My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of so...
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Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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Farce is tragedy played at a thousand revolutions per minute.
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No power on earth has a right to take our property from us without our consent.
JOHN JAY
Every man has a property in his own person. This nobody has a right to, but himself.
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High School is like a spork: it's a crappy spoon and a crappy fork, so in the end it's just ...
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When I was growing up in rural Alabama, it was impossible for me to register to vote. I didn't b...
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I was introduced to the Turducken in New Orleans. And it wasn't Thanksgiving. Glenn at the Gourm...
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Christians were instructed to serve others, and the thanksgiving was for the grace of God and the fa...
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Is it possible that the portrait of the divine Son of God is an exaggeration, at best, or a complete...
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Was the real Jesus of history one and the same as the Christ of faith whom we read about in the New ...
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I guess none of us like to look back in our lives to a time when we made poor judgments and foolish ...
JOHN CLAYTON
In the surface of the paper there is only length and width-there is no such thing as thickness.
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What is the origin of God?
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The emphasis on the birth of Christ tends to polarize our pluralistic society and create legal and e...
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The denominational world tries to pressure its members to focus on the birth of Christ, but in doing...
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Not only are Christians writing about Jesus, but also Communists, Jews, atheists and agnostics are t...
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There was no instruction to be thankful that the Christians were special people, chosen people. Ther...
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It is my fervent hope and prayer that by exposing my mistakes and by pointing out the things that we...
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We are assuming that we exist, that there is reality, and that the matter of which we are made is re...
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The purpose of this study is to offer a logical, practical, pragmatic proof of the existence of God ...
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How beautiful the leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.
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I have learned in fashion to be a little savage.
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My consultant keeps telling me sudden death could come at any moment.
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When California was wild, it was the floweriest part of the continent.
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Inherent in architecture, it involves everything in life so that there is absolutely no end to it. B...
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My folks always let me go to the movies every Saturday. We were really motion-picture goers.
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I was ashamed to admit I was hipped to the idea of acting. That's why I started in with the prop...
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I've loved reading all my life.
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Nothing is so discouraging to an actor than to have to work for long hours upon hours in brightly li...
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I'd read up on the history of our country and I'd become fascinated with the story of the Al...
JOHN WAYNE
Get off your butt and join the Marines!
JOHN WAYNE
Everybody that I was in school with had an uncle or father in the law, and I started to realize that...
JOHN WAYNE
Real art is basic emotion. If a scene is handled with simplicity - and I don't mean simple - it&...
JOHN WAYNE
In westerns, you meet a hardy bunch of characters. There is no jealousy on such pictures.
JOHN WAYNE
I was sure I'd set the world on fire, and it was hard for a young feller like me to realize the ...
JOHN WAYNE
I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers ...
JOHN WAYNE
All I'm for is the liberty of the individual.
JOHN WAYNE
Nobody should come to the movies unless he believes in heroes.
JOHN WAYNE
When you come to see a picture of mine, I want you to know that I'm not going to do anything tha...
JOHN WAYNE
You learn a lot more from the lows because it makes you pay attention to what you're doing.
JOHN ELWAY
I've experienced the highest of highs and lowest of lows. I think to really appreciate anything ...
JOHN ELWAY
If you're not making mistakes, then you're not doing anything. I'm positive that a doer ...
JOHN WOODEN
Surrealism had a great effect on me because then I realised that the imagery in my mind wasn't i...
JOHN LENNON
Take care, be kind, be considerate of other people and other species, and be loving.
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Buildings should serve people, not the other way around.
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No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent.
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Self-righteousness has killed more people than smoking.
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If you don't interfere with me, I'll always do something really good.
JOHN MALKOVICH
I think people took Grenada for what it turned out to be, which was a very specific incident and fro...
JOHN NEGROPONTE
Generalizations, like brooms, ought not to stand in a corner forever; they ought to sweep as a matte...
JOHN LUKACS
Well, if you're true to yourself you're going to be true to everyone else.
JOHN WOODEN
The mind is its own place and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.
JOHN MILTON
I'm not interested in my legacy. I made up a word: 'live-acy.' I'm more interested i...
JOHN GLENN
The loss of wealth is loss of dirt, as sages in all times assert; The happy man's without a shir...
JOHN HEYWOOD
Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness.
JOHN HEYWOOD
Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?
JOHN HEYWOOD
When all candles be out, all cats be grey.
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Written by a sponge dipped in warm milk and sprinkled with sugar.
JOHN CIARDI
It is easy enough to praise men for the courage of their convictions. I wish I could teach the sad y...
JOHN CIARDI
What has any poet to trust more than the feel of the thing? Theory concerns him only until he picks ...
JOHN CIARDI
Every game ever invented by mankind, is a way of making things hard for the fun of it!
JOHN CIARDI
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in the students.
JOHN CIARDI
Poetry lies its way to the truth.
JOHN CIARDI
Intelligence recognizes what has happened. Genius recognizes what will happen.
JOHN CIARDI
Nothing goes further toward a man's liberation than the act of surviving his need for character.
JOHN CIARDI
The day will happen whether or not you get up.
JOHN CIARDI
You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.
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Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they hav...
JOHN CIARDI
The classroom should be an entrance into the world, not an escape from it.
JOHN CIARDI
With any of the movies I've had a chance to do, or any of the TV shows I've had a chance to ...
JOHN CENA
The deep joy we take in the company of people with whom we have just recently fallen in love is undi...
JOHN CHEEVER
Lay this unto your breast: Old friends, like old swords, still are trusted best.
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Old friends are best.
JOHN SELDEN
They say stay in the lines, but there's always something better on the other side.
JOHN MAYER
Rome was not built in one day.
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You win by working hard, making tough decisions and building coalitions.
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I love the description of Gothic churches before the printed word, that they were the bibles of the ...
JOHN MCGAHERN
The last thing on my mind was to be an actor, but I had a crush on a cute girl in the drama departme...
JOHN RATZENBERGER
Some people feel fulfillment from a bitter end - it gives them some sort of sense of reality. But, w...
JOHN BOYEGA
I've never eaten just a few bites of things I liked in my life.
JOHN MADDEN
The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team.
JOHN WOODEN
A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment.
JOHN WOODEN
Just try to be the best you can be; never cease trying to be the best you can be. That's in your...
JOHN WOODEN
If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?
JOHN WOODEN
Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.
JOHN WOODEN
Where all is but dream, reasoning and arguments are of no use, truth and knowledge nothing.
JOHN LOCKE
It is of great use to the sailor to know the length of his line, though he cannot with it fathom all...
JOHN LOCKE
It is one thing to show a man that he is in an error, and another to put him in possession of the tr...
JOHN LOCKE
The only fence against the world is a thorough knowledge of it.
JOHN LOCKE
It doesn't matter how long my hair is or what colour my skin is or whether I'm a woman or a ...
JOHN LENNON
I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people cal...
JOHN LENNON
I believe time wounds all heels.
JOHN LENNON
The thing the sixties did was to show us the possibilities and the responsibility that we all had. I...
JOHN LENNON
When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have...
JOHN LENNON
If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche that must have been left behind in the Sixties, th...
JOHN LENNON
I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always...
JOHN LENNON
You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!
JOHN LENNON
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
JOHN LENNON
All men are liable to error; and most men are, in many points, by passion or interest, under temptat...
JOHN LOCKE
In response to the challenge of strangers, sport arose as a sublimated representation of a community...
JOHN THORN
I'm really passionate about pantomime because it is often the first introduction for a child to ...
JOHN BARROWMAN
You have to keep persevering. An actor goes to a lot of auditions and doesn't get the part.
JOHN MCENROE
Unemployment is sky-rocketing; deflation is in our future for the first time since the Great Depress...
JOHN MELLENCAMP
A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work.
JOHN LUBBOCK
So much of what we do is ephemeral and quickly forgotten, even by ourselves, so it's gratifying ...
JOHN WILLIAMS
Remaining childish is a tremendous state of innocence.
JOHN LYDON
There's rock n' roll in hip-hop, there's rock n' roll in pop music, there's rock...
JOHN VARVATOS
Get off your horse and drink your milk.
JOHN WAYNE
The ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones who do.
JOHN MCAFEE
I can never consent to being dictated to.
JOHN TYLER
There, I guess King George will be able to read that without his spectacles!
JOHN HANCOCK
When you have a regime that would be happier in the afterlife than in this life, this is not a regim...
JOHN BOLTON
Well, you could take several stories off the buildings of most U.S. government agencies and we'd...
JOHN BOLTON
You don't need to spend tens of millions of dollars on political consultants to tell you what yo...
JOHN BOLTON
Diplomacy is not an end in itself if it does not advance U.S. interests.
JOHN BOLTON