I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help.

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself-like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks

The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?