I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'

I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.