I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it's someone's birthday and I like to celebrate.

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.

I'm like Pacman when I'm at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.