I don't mind a crowd's not laughing; it's the groans that slow down the show.


Dave Attell

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The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
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If you can't excell with talent, triumph with effort.
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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with th...
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Our environmental problems originate in the hubris of imagining ourselves as the central nervous sys...
DAVE FOREMAN
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see wit...
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We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but ...
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We are not meant to know everything, Mae. Did you ever think that perhaps our minds are delicately c...
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Life's real failure is when you do not realize how close you were to success when you gave up.
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You can't choose what you're famous for in life.
DAVE KELLETT
The English language was carefully, carefully cobbled together by three blind dudes and a German dic...
DAVE KELLETT
A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple lea...
DAVE MEURER
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY
The future is no place to place your better days.
DAVE MATTHEWS
Nothing can do what a book can do. Lifts you out of your life... to a whole new world, whole new per...
DAVE KELLETT
I was trying to make the web more civil. I was trying to make it more elegant. I got rid of anonymit...
DAVE EGGERS
Gang violence in America is not a sudden problem. It has been a part of urban life for years, offeri...
DAVE REICHERT
It's all very boring to say that we get along great and all that and sometimes we mock up come a...
DAVE EDMUNDS
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
DAVE BARRY
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, includi...
DAVE BARRY
Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television witho...
DAVE BARRY
In terms of personalities - I don't care about the personalities, I want leadership that's i...
DAVE BRAT
I became a war hero before going on to critical acclaim as a professional victim.
DAVE PELZER
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
DAVE BARRY
When you please others in hopes of being accepted, you lose you self-worth in the process.
DAVE PELZER
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who re...
DAVE BARRY
I work 338 days a year, 16 hours a day.
DAVE PELZER
At a family's most difficult time, I want to make sure at a minimum that they have the very basi...
DAVE REICHERT
It's tough to go to sleep at night, and I wake up after five hours because I feel like I'm w...
DAVE GROHL
I taught myself how to play the guitar, I taught myself how to play the drums, and I kind of fake do...
DAVE GROHL
There's poetry in being the band that can sell out Wembley but also makes a record in a garage. ...
DAVE GROHL
My mother was a public school teacher in Virginia, and we didn't have any money, we just survive...
DAVE GROHL
Through Kurt I saw the beauty of minimalism and the importance of music that's stripped down.
DAVE GROHL
Singing into a microphone and learning to play an instrument - learning to do your craft - that'...
DAVE GROHL
My songwriting is like extending a hand to the listener.
DAVE GROHL
I stopped doing drugs when I was 20. I was finished with drugs before Nirvana even started.
DAVE GROHL
In this day and age, when you can use a machine or computer to simulate or emulate what people can d...
DAVE GROHL
I've experienced great things, I've experienced great tragedies. I've done almost everyt...
DAVE GROHL
Wow, I get to wake up again? Ok. You have to make good with what you've got.
DAVE GROHL
I think people should feel encouraged to be themselves.
DAVE GROHL
When you're young, you're not afraid of what comes next. You're excited by it.
DAVE GROHL
Your personal history is a part of what happens with your hands and your head as you play music.
DAVE GROHL
When there's so much left to do, why spend your time focusing on things you've already done,...
DAVE GROHL
There's always gonna be rock n' roll bands, there's always gonna be kids that love rock ...
DAVE GROHL
If there's one thing I'm good at, it's gathering people together to do something fun.
DAVE GROHL
Guilt is cancer. Guilt will confine you, torture you, destroy you as an artist. It's a black wal...
DAVE GROHL